Help Dramatic sasu lovers help

[Alias Pluto]

I'm a 36 year old dad who is with my son half of the time. I put him first and always have. I have an office job i was miserable but have been talking to a girl on here a ton lately. I thought she was 30ish at first because she's wise but she's going to be 19 next month. We love each other, she makes me happy and we FaceTimed.

We initially wanted to both jump together but things have sort of uhhhh idk. She flunked out of school and doesn't care about herself anymore. Shes broke and trapped at home with her parents. She lives 4 hours away and ordered sn. I don't want her to ctb. I'm pro choice.

Im so fucked up. I havent dated a woman since my son was born so 2020. I am impulsive and just gamble paychecks away on sports because I don't care about myself but she helps me not be so impulsive.

SHOULD I HELP HER ESCAPE? AM I DOOMED? should I go pick her up so we can live happily together?

 

[evanescent_eva]

Have you asked her opinion on any of this? I feel like her opinion kind of matters here. Like, a lot. Like, maybe it's the only thing that matters here?

 

[StupidCat]

You are 36, why are you ranting like a 14yo.
Go talk about it with her, also consult with your child.

 

[identity0]

Sounds fucked up to me

 

[Namelesa]

This sounds weird with a nearly 19 and a 36 year old potential getting into a relationship and could lead to bad things happening as you will probably have more power over her. Obviously her opinion matters most in this as she should be allowed to die if she wants to, especially as you call yourself pro-choice, and she should have the choice of being with you or not without any pressure.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I donno to be honest my opinion doesn't matter but in the end you'll loose, perhaps you won't but, if you managed to help her who says she'll forever be around you like in the sense that she is always there where you'll know she will be, what happens when she potentially does start caring and wants do things that might be away from you, it's just a very sensitive difficult situation your in as shes still growing as a person, and i mean so are you but if she were to be helped and you start to make her feel like life's worth living then it might not always be you who she wants to be around or do things for or at times even talk to, idk it's a very difficult thing including the fact you have a kid,, I'm so sorry for all the hurt you've been going through no one deserves to be completely alone but I don't see the the long-term mutual benefit in this, and again thats just an opinion.

 

[EmptyBottle]

There is support for problem gambling, also, sorry for your situation

 

[Dot]

Tbh if u r a sngle fathr wth a gamblng addictn thn u prbbly nd professnl hlp mre thn a rlatnshp wth a suicidl 18 y/o

Mny tramitisd ppl r 'old souls' & jst bcse u cn dtect wisdm ds nt mn tht thy r emotnlly rdy fr a committd rlatnshp wth sme1 of ur ag & persnl stuatn - = oftn mns th/ oppste & tht thy nd sme1 2 b th/ stabl persn fr thm

Puttng tht pressre on sme1 of thr ag & stuatn wll almst certnly end bdly & u r fcusing ur feelngs fr thm on wht thy cn d/ fr u as tho thy r a drownng persn lookng fr a flotatn dvice

Am nt sayng thse thngs 2 b jdgementl bt if u cre abt ths persn 2 th/ dgree tht u sy u d/ thn slf wld sggest helpng 2 connct thm 2 sfe-plce rspourcs whch cld hlp thm indepndntly & also lk fr sme professnl hlp fr urslf in ordr 2 b a mre helthy optn fr n.e ptentl romantc partnr bt also fr ur chld

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I think you need to walk away entirely and focus on recovering yourself.

 

[Dante_]

Tbh if u r a sngle fathr wth a gamblng addictn thn u prbbly nd professnl hlp mre thn a rlatnshp wth a suicidl 18 y/o

Mny tramitisd ppl r 'old souls' & jst bcse u cn dtect wisdm ds nt mn tht thy r emotnlly rdy fr a committd rlatnshp wth sme1 of ur ag & persnl stuatn - = oftn mns th/ oppste & tht thy nd sme1 2 b th/ stabl persn fr thm

Puttng tht pressre on sme1 of thr ag & stuatn wll almst certnly end bdly & u r fcusing ur feelngs fr thm on wht thy cn d/ fr u as tho thy r a drownng persn lookng fr a flotatn dvice

Am nt sayng thse thngs 2 b jdgementl bt if u cre abt ths persn 2 th/ dgree tht u sy u d/ thn slf wld sggest helpng 2 connct thm 2 sfe-plce rspourcs whch cld hlp thm indepndntly & also lk fr sme professnl hlp fr urslf in ordr 2 b a mre helthy optn fr n.e ptentl romantc partnr bt also fr ur chld

Translation for Dot:

To be honest, if you're a single father with a gambling addiction, then you probably need professional help more than you need a relationship with a suicidal 18-year-old.

Many traumatized people are "old souls," and just because you can detect wisdom in them doesn't mean they're emotionally ready for a committed relationship with someone your age and in your situation—in fact, it often means the opposite, and that they need someone to be the stable person for them.

Putting that kind of pressure on someone of their age and situation will almost certainly end badly, and you're focusing your feelings for them on what they can do for you—like you're a drowning person looking for a flotation device.

I'm not saying these things to be judgmental, but if you care about this person as much as you say you do, then self would suggest helping connect them to safe-place resources that could help them independently—and also looking for some professional help for yourself, in order to be a healthier option not only for any potential romantic partner but also for your child.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Hey friend, I was in the same situation but the same age. We lived and are alive and better today, but still struggling. The road ahead isn't easy. I was the one who wanted to live if he lived.

You could ask her if she could do you a favor and live for longer, to see how it goes. I understand having a friend to hang on to helps a lot.

Romance sounds like a bad idea though, there is an innate power dynamic between the two of you.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm pro choice.

Once it comes to love "pro-choice " is an ever unsolvable problem! Someone will ultimately have to suffer - the more stable one will get over the loss of the other "part" over time.

Sorry if this may sound dry or not empathic. But this is the reality.

You're in a highly complex situation and what is actually the "best" is always unknown bc none of us knows what's gonna happen in the future.

A lot of other points you have to consider have already been mentioned.

 

[Adûnâi]

If you're curious about the age diff, just today I've randomly been reading about Hitler's ancestors, and it was rather commonplace back then. Although the mores do change depending on the time and place.

Hitler family - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[rozeske]

I think for now you may have a more responsibility towards your child who you say is 5? Don't you think it's a better idea to work on yourself to better yourself so you can be your best version to your son and do whats best for him? I'd assume he needs you more.

 

[Adûnâi]

I think for now you may have a more responsibility towards your child who you say is 5? Don't you think it's a better idea to work on yourself to better yourself so you can be your best version to your son and do whats best for him? I'd assume he needs you more.

But isn't sex important for "working on yourself"? Why even live without sex?

 

[Griever]

I don't know what to say

 

[Dot]

But isn't sex important for "working on yourself"? Why even live without sex?

Bcse sx ds nt happn in a vcuum w/o emotns in stuatns lke ths

S/ wll jst mke stuatn mre complx & ptentlly emotnlly b d-stablisng - espclly fr th/ ynger womn

Terrbl idea

 

[bankai]

Op,your kid is the greatest priority. Always. But you would definitely come next.Just stop gambling. You need to take care of your kid, so don't do the stupid things.People who have children and who decided to have children owe it to their kids to give it everything they've got and stay alive for them. I never had kids.I don't think that's a casual decision to make. If you have felt suicidal in your life, I don't understand why you would ever want to have kids. Unless you are selfish. Unless you just don't care. Think about it carefully. As far as the girl is concerned, talk it over with her and then see where to go from there.

 

[iamanavalanche]

relationships here are 90% a terrible idea. however, your son HAS to come first. if you pick up this girl and live together, will your son be okay with that? is this girl okay with living with you? is she comfortable being with someone 17 years older online? is this safe for you, her, or your son?

however, i hope youre able to recover from your gambling and find happiness

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

My suggestion would be give it some time. Put your gambling money in your kid's 529 college savings plan instead. The age difference sounds a little risky but that is totally up to the two of you.

 

[lunar02102009]

I'm a 36 year old dad who is with my son half of the time. I put him first and always have. I have an office job i was miserable but have been talking to a girl on here a ton lately. I thought she was 30ish at first because she's wise but she's going to be 19 next month. We love each other, she makes me happy and we FaceTimed.

We initially wanted to both jump together but things have sort of uhhhh idk. She flunked out of school and doesn't care about herself anymore. Shes broke and trapped at home with her parents. She lives 4 hours away and ordered sn. I don't want her to ctb. I'm pro choice.

Im so fucked up. I havent dated a woman since my son was born so 2020. I am impulsive and just gamble paychecks away on sports because I don't care about myself but she helps me not be so impulsive.

SHOULD I HELP HER ESCAPE? AM I DOOMED? should I go pick her up so we can live happily together?

i actually dont know what to say for once , ask her maybe if she says yes you guys could set up living for a week to see how things go if they go good and your son likes her then i think it would be a great idea to have her living with you!

 

[easypeasy]

Hey, I just wanted to respond with some care—because I can feel how much weight you're carrying, and how tangled up it all feels. Also….this is a bit of a long one

First, it makes sense that this girl brings you a kind of joy you haven't felt in a long time. That connection matters. You've been through your own pain, and so has she—and it makes sense you'd feel drawn to each other. But here's the thing: it's really important to slow this down.

You said something honest—"I'm impulsive." And that self-awareness? That's something to build from. You're clearly trying to take care of your son, trying to find meaning in connection, and trying not to give up. That matters. That's something good in you that deserves more space.

Being pro-choice doesn't mean encouraging someone to die. It means not shaming or punishing them for how they feel—but it absolutely doesn't mean co-signing their worst moment. It's love that says: "I see how much this hurts. I'm staying with you in it. But I don't want to lose you."

If you really care about her, show her that her life is worth more than escape. Support her healing, not her disappearance. She needs someone who believes in her staying—and it sounds like you could be that person. That's a powerful role.

Maybe for you too, it's time to be the kind of man you'd truly respect. Not a saviour, not a fixer—but a calm, steady force. That could be your son's dad. That could be this girl's lifeline. That could be you.

If you ever want a podcast that gives people space to talk and get real advice, check out John Delony. He's on YouTube and Spotify. Might help bring some perspective—he talks to people just like us, and he's big on clarity and strength without shame.

Whatever you do, please don't rush. What you're feeling is real—but the most loving thing you can do is give both of you a bit of breathing room and a shot at healing.

You're not doomed. You're here, and that means there's still time to make better choices.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

But isn't sex important for "working on yourself"? Why even live without sex?

sex is clearly important to you, but that's not the same for everyone. Allot people have fulfilling lives without a any focus on that really. Saying, 'Why even live without sex?' can come across as pretty contradictory to people that feel differently.
I am no better but I don't find sex to be life threating thing if I cannot obtain it,
Maybe, instead of focusing solely on that, try building a connection with someone first? I understand the desire, but framing it like 'life isn't worth living without sex' can push people away, and it ignores the experiences of a lot of people. It's easy to fall into lees emotional ways of thinking or viewing things, but not everyone feels the same way you do, and I don't mean to be pushy it's just a good reminder that we're all different.

 

[mrselfdestruct]

To be honest starting a relationship here sounds like a bad idea. But to each their own.