Discussion drafting notes

[allesistgut]

although when i plan to ctb is still pretty far off, over the last few weeks i've had quite a few days where i've felt so lost and not sure if i could hold on until then. this has got me thinking a lot about the notes i plan to leave behind among other things.

i'm planning on leaving behind several notes, though only two that will have any real meaning, the others will likely just be more my wishes about what to do with my belongings and so forth. but i know that the two letters will be very hard to write so i've been wondering if maybe i should already (even though my ctb date is far off) write some drafts of the letters. i mean there is a possibility that when the time comes and i write the actual letters they'll be completely different, but i guess i just want them to be right. the two people i'll be writing them for mean so much to me and it can be hard to properly express myself, especially in writing. there is also a slight fear i suppose that these drafts, depending on where i store them if i write them will be discovered, but i'm not sure.

has anyone else already planned out letters, made drafts even with their ctb date far off or just have any thoughts about this?

thanks.

 

[Crazy4u]

I did. I wanted to prepare for everything before I feel worse. I want to be able to ctb quickly without much research and preparation if things get worse.

 

[elfin]

i don't have a specific ctb date yet (i have a vague idea but i kind of feel like i'll just do it whenever it feels right), but i've already started drafting a note as i don't want my final moments to be spent figuring out what i'm going to say.

 

[allesistgut]

as i don't want my final moments to be spent figuring out what i'm going to say.

yeah i was thinking the same a bit. don't want them to be rushed either.

thank you both for your replies.

 

[Seiba]

I sent out a note of sorts when I planned on attempting previously. It wasn't written before or well planned, and I just continually said things to the person while she was offline. She's supportive with me leaving if I choose to, which is part of why I was comfortable sending something. I was also in distress and wanted to write something since I was waiting a few hours to be able to leave. I've spoken to the person for years, and they've been aware of my suicide thoughts and desire to die for a long time-- hence why I was comfortable with such a thing. I'm not sure if I would tell her this time or not, the embarrassment of an aborted attempt is a bit much even if it wore off pretty quickly. My household is getting nothing.

For your case of wanting the note to be just right, I'm not exactly a skilled writer so I can't help you out. There was an old ashspace guide which contained information on grief and the best way to manage that with a note. I'm not positive of the specifics but generally just avoid blame, try to emotionally describe how you experience things and why it helped lead to suicide, avoid calling yourself a bad person or otherwise suggesting they will be better off without you. I imagine the people who mean a lot to you aren't exactly checking their emails for contact from you, but there's delayed email services and otherwise I believe delayed text services. Otherwise, you could just write it in a document on your computer and transfer it over to pen and paper. Put it in an envelope with the phone number of the person as well as name and the the fact that note is intended for that person in writing on the envelope. If you fail in that case and you're found by police they won't see the note since only police or EMTs will be around you.

 

[allesistgut]

For your case of wanting the note to be just right, I'm not exactly a skilled writer so I can't help you out. There was an old ashspace guide which contained information on grief and the best way to manage that with a note. I'm not positive of the specifics but generally just avoid blame, try to emotionally describe how you experience things and why it helped lead to suicide, avoid calling yourself a bad person or otherwise suggesting they will be better off without you. I imagine the people who mean a lot to you aren't exactly checking their emails for contact from you, but there's delayed email services and otherwise I believe delayed text services. Otherwise, you could just write it in a document on your computer and transfer it over to pen and paper. Put it in an envelope with the phone number of the person as well as name and the the fact that note is intended for that person in writing on the envelope. If you fail in that case and you're found by police they won't see the note since only police or EMTs will be around you.

thank you for the advice, it's much appreciated.

 

[myopybyproxy]

wrote an electronic rough draft a few months back, been updating it as I think of things to add or modify. on the day of, I'll copy it over in my handwriting and leave it on my bed - i anticipate that my family will call or text me, then check my room after enough time without a response. once they see the note, they will probably call the police, so I will have to act fast once the note is out.