AMZ
Overthinker, flameout.
- Oct 15, 2025
- 1
Hello, long time listener, first time caller.
I've been quite close to the edge before, but can't ever seem to get over the hill right at the end. I think I understand what I need to do to really lock down the mindset and overcome the survival instincts, but those are personal and I'm not sure anyone else's experiences align. However, I would like to know if anyone has any tips on actually passing the final barrier. My last """attempt""" had me backing off the edge right at the end, since I couldn't take the final plunge (see: attached image).
In terms of recovering, I can't really go through the whole rigamarole again. It's always cycled back to the same dead ends, and I've had 3 therapists, 2 psychiatrists, and a slew of non-credentialed counselors tell me that there's not much point in trying with my current mindset and outlook. Unfortunately I can't shake the automatic responses and subsequent emotional state. I'm planning to post in the recovery forum to scout other people's experiences, so I'm not opposed to attempting alternate solutions, I'm going to the same place regardless, so there's no harm in diversions.
The current plan consists of two major parts, since I think creating the most instantaneously lethal scenario is desirable, however I find the risk of surviving crippled to be unacceptable, even at sub 5% incidence. Therefore, I plan to add septic shock and possible renal failure into the mix as an insurance policy, since it's unlikely to be discovered in time. I also am going to use delayed messaging for notes and affairs, choose odd hours and seclusion when possible to delay any preventative, palliative, or ameliorative treatment.
My current plan is to take a massive excess of lithium carbonate, with a goal serum concentration of >=4.5mmol/L. I'm working on making it more consumable, however it's quite tedious, and I don't know if I'm more likely to reject a dozen capsules or a foul tasting slurry. I can't quite mask the taste of even extremely dilute preparations, so capsules might be the move. I've heard of alternate consumption methods less tedious than repeated pills, but don't understand the experience.
If anyone has any tips for this, I would greatly appreciate it.
The followup portion of the plan is significantly stickier. This is the part I am relying on for major lethality, since the above is painful, drawn out, and generally an awful way to go. It's also reversible, should appropriate medical care be sought. I have attempted a jump before, but I couldn't take the plunge. I've considered acquiring a firearm (i.e.12ga 00buck), as the idea of having spontaneous access in the comfort of my own space is appealing. However, I don't know that I'd be able to pull the trigger come time. I also have no secure way to own a firearm, and if certain people in my life discover it, I will lose access and probably my freedom (for a while).
If anyone has tips for the final hurdle, or how you discovered your method of choice, please let me know.
I'm aware that sodium nitrite, nembutal, inert gas displacement, among others are popular on this forum. However, I find these relatively inaccessible, difficult to verify potency independently, and frankly I'm just not as confident in the methodology, although I'm not opposed (I've practiced tourniquet style strangulation before, which is even more unreliable), I just think it's much more failure prone, even though it's ideal.
In summary, if anyone has;
I would greatly appreciate your input.
Thank you.
I've been quite close to the edge before, but can't ever seem to get over the hill right at the end. I think I understand what I need to do to really lock down the mindset and overcome the survival instincts, but those are personal and I'm not sure anyone else's experiences align. However, I would like to know if anyone has any tips on actually passing the final barrier. My last """attempt""" had me backing off the edge right at the end, since I couldn't take the final plunge (see: attached image).
In terms of recovering, I can't really go through the whole rigamarole again. It's always cycled back to the same dead ends, and I've had 3 therapists, 2 psychiatrists, and a slew of non-credentialed counselors tell me that there's not much point in trying with my current mindset and outlook. Unfortunately I can't shake the automatic responses and subsequent emotional state. I'm planning to post in the recovery forum to scout other people's experiences, so I'm not opposed to attempting alternate solutions, I'm going to the same place regardless, so there's no harm in diversions.
The current plan consists of two major parts, since I think creating the most instantaneously lethal scenario is desirable, however I find the risk of surviving crippled to be unacceptable, even at sub 5% incidence. Therefore, I plan to add septic shock and possible renal failure into the mix as an insurance policy, since it's unlikely to be discovered in time. I also am going to use delayed messaging for notes and affairs, choose odd hours and seclusion when possible to delay any preventative, palliative, or ameliorative treatment.
My current plan is to take a massive excess of lithium carbonate, with a goal serum concentration of >=4.5mmol/L. I'm working on making it more consumable, however it's quite tedious, and I don't know if I'm more likely to reject a dozen capsules or a foul tasting slurry. I can't quite mask the taste of even extremely dilute preparations, so capsules might be the move. I've heard of alternate consumption methods less tedious than repeated pills, but don't understand the experience.
If anyone has any tips for this, I would greatly appreciate it.
The followup portion of the plan is significantly stickier. This is the part I am relying on for major lethality, since the above is painful, drawn out, and generally an awful way to go. It's also reversible, should appropriate medical care be sought. I have attempted a jump before, but I couldn't take the plunge. I've considered acquiring a firearm (i.e.12ga 00buck), as the idea of having spontaneous access in the comfort of my own space is appealing. However, I don't know that I'd be able to pull the trigger come time. I also have no secure way to own a firearm, and if certain people in my life discover it, I will lose access and probably my freedom (for a while).
If anyone has tips for the final hurdle, or how you discovered your method of choice, please let me know.
I'm aware that sodium nitrite, nembutal, inert gas displacement, among others are popular on this forum. However, I find these relatively inaccessible, difficult to verify potency independently, and frankly I'm just not as confident in the methodology, although I'm not opposed (I've practiced tourniquet style strangulation before, which is even more unreliable), I just think it's much more failure prone, even though it's ideal.
In summary, if anyone has;
- Advice or experience with significant drug consumption, in powder or capsule form
- Advice or experience with overcoming the survival instinct, in order to complete
- Methodological criticisms
- Any other related experiences
Thank you.
