Don't you hate when...

[nonentity]

... you sit up late at night, staring at the ceiling - unable to sleep because your brain refuses to relax. Where it just plays the torture you went through over, and over, and over again. It reminds you of every single mistake you've ever done, hyper fixate on projecting your own feelings and moods onto someone, over thinking (maybe this person hates me, or I'm being used - they barely talked to me today, did I do something wrong?), etc. etc. etc.?

What do you think about before bed?
--

I'm thinking right now about how awkward it was between my paramour and I today. He barely talked to me, and when we were hanging out today in voice-chat, he was quiet. He didn't return any sort of my affections the last week or so. Maybe I'm just not good enough for him. Or he got bored of me. Or --

Or, he's just doing the right thing by slowly breaking things off with me. The idea of it just makes me sick and incredibly overwhelmed with grief. It feels like another reason to add to the long list of things that make me want to end my life.

--

Anyway, just night time thoughts. Maybe we can find solace in each other just to get through another night before we leave forever.

 

[tary]

I've been somewhat insomniac for a long time. I usually put on a podcast or some calming music when I go to bed, so I can concentrate on something else than my thoughts.

 

[nonentity]

I've been somewhat insomniac for a long time. I usually put on a podcast or some calming music when I go to bed, so I can concentrate on something else than my thoughts.

Do you have any recommendations? I would love to take a look at whatever you listen to if you don't mind, maybe it'll help me too

Being an insomniac is awful, I hope you're able to get a lot of good rest, and that the nights you can't sleep at all go quickly

 

[tary]

I listen to ambient music like Brian Eno, and ambient Spotify playlists. My favourite podcasts are about history if you're into that, like Lions Led By Donkeys, Revolutions and the History Extra podcast.

 

[AQUA]

... you sit up late at night, staring at the ceiling - unable to sleep because your brain refuses to relax. Where it just plays the torture you went through over, and over, and over again. It reminds you of every single mistake you've ever done, hyper fixate on projecting your own feelings and moods onto someone, over thinking (maybe this person hates me, or I'm being used - they barely talked to me today, did I do something wrong?), etc. etc. etc.?

What do you think about before bed?
--

I'm thinking right now about how awkward it was between my paramour and I today. He barely talked to me, and when we were hanging out today in voice-chat, he was quiet. He didn't return any sort of my affections the last week or so. Maybe I'm just not good enough for him. Or he got bored of me. Or --

Or, he's just doing the right thing by slowly breaking things off with me. The idea of it just makes me sick and incredibly overwhelmed with grief. It feels like another reason to add to the long list of things that make me want to end my life.

--

Anyway, just night time thoughts. Maybe we can find solace in each other just to get through another night before we leave forever.

This is commonly called ruminations but could also be PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) if the memories are more extreme than just waving at someone you thought was waving at you.

What I find helps me the most is writing down in as much detail as possible what the memory is, how I wish I reacted, and how I'd ideally respond if it happens again. These thoughts usually leave or become more bearable. They are incomplete thoughts and concerns. For example: if you were in a situation where you feel vulnerable or like you have little to no control, you probably don't want to feel that way again, so your mind shows you the places you need to fix so you do not feel helpless if you're ever in that situation again.

Thankfully, the majority of the cringy memories people remember are only about themselves. Out of all the memories you have, how many of them were about someone else's cringy behaviour? If you're anything like me, you probably can't remember nearly as many as the ones you have for yourself :)


My friend told me magnesium helps her a lot, but I have yet to look or read any more than what she told me, so take it with a grain of salt.


TLDR: Ruminations and obsessive thoughts are often incomplete worries you can almost completely eradicate by writing a detailed version of what went wrong and how it could have been better.

PS: If you're struggling to sleep, do something else for half an hour to an hour that doesn't involve a screen (like reading a book or drawing) and try again, repeat the process until you're asleep.

 

[Abandoned Character]

I think

"oh, another day gone.
when will this end?
at least now, I can sleep
and forget about my troubles
if only for an instant"

sucks when the mind keeps us awake. may you find peace

 

[FuneralCry]

It's true that it certainly can be so torturous feeling trapped here, I really wish that it was easier for us to peacefully free ourselves from existence. I'm usually thinking about how much I'm tired of existing before I eventually fall asleep, and also how this hellish world disgusts me as there are endless amounts of suffering that exist here. Existing certainly is something so futile and unnecessary, I could never have any interest in enduring this loop of endless days. I would always prefer nonexistence over existing in this harmful world.

 

[nonentity]

This is commonly called ruminations but could also be PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) if the memories are more extreme than just waving at someone you thought was waving at you.

What I find helps me the most is writing down in as much detail as possible what the memory is, how I wish I reacted, and how I'd ideally respond if it happens again. These thoughts usually leave or become more bearable. They are incomplete thoughts and concerns. For example: if you were in a situation where you feel vulnerable or like you have little to no control, you probably don't want to feel that way again, so your mind shows you the places you need to fix so you do not feel helpless if you're ever in that situation again.

Thankfully, the majority of the cringy memories people remember are only about themselves. Out of all the memories you have, how many of them were about someone else's cringy behaviour? If you're anything like me, you probably can't remember nearly as many as the ones you have for yourself :)


My friend told me magnesium helps her a lot, but I have yet to look or read any more than what she told me, so take it with a grain of salt.


TLDR: Ruminations and obsessive thoughts are often incomplete worries you can almost completely eradicate by writing a detailed version of what went wrong and how it could have been better.

PS: If you're struggling to sleep, do something else for half an hour to an hour that doesn't involve a screen (like reading a book or drawing) and try again, repeat the process until you're asleep.

Definitely has to be my C-PTSD, curse you brain!

I'll have to try the writing-the-thing-down thing (lol)! Sometimes writing things down makes me feel worse, but I never really go super into detail other than "Dear diary, Mood - apathetic. My life is spiraling downwards, I couldn't get enough money to go to the blood red romance and suffocate me dry concert..." (brownie points if you know the reference).

I am the same exact way though! I can't remember many of the others and their cringy behavior, but I somehow remember every second of my own failings. I wish I remembered more about them than me! Then again, cringe is cringe hahaha

Magnesium - I'll have to do more research into that. I don't really take any supplements due to being on a large cocktail of drugs I need to take daily. But, hey! Anything can help!

But I looooove my screeeeeen (jk) - looks like I'll have to keep my trusty sketchbook at my side forever again.

Thank you so much for all of this, it really cheered me up to have some ways suggested to me to have my brain-things to be quiet before bed cheers!

I think

"oh, another day gone.
when will this end?
at least now, I can sleep
and forget about my troubles
if only for an instant"

sucks when the mind keeps us awake. may you find peace

Sleep is the best way to pass the days by - it's something that helps a lot to not have to active live through another day of suffering. May you find peace as well, as we all deserve it

 

[JJMaynard97]

Exactly what you were saying, my brain doesn't switch off, it takes me ages to get to sleep, sometimes I cry in my sleep. Wake up just as miserable as I was when I went into bed. I relate to you %100. I always think what I should have done differently. It's pure torture but I guess that's what we do. I blame myself for things that have happened and I've lost people I care about & who cared for me. I just think how lonely I am