Don’t want to get better.

[Whole-Ad]

Anyone else reached this point? Just had my mother going on and on at me about therapy and medication and no matter how clear I say it, she can't understand that I don't want help anymore.

I had my first suicide attempt 2 months ago, had my mental health assessment done and I specifically told them I need help now, not in 3 weeks or whatever. They said they would sort out therapy and gave me medication to take. The medication was awful so I stopped taking it, and my doctor said that she would no longer be calling me because I won't take her advice to continue the medication.

It's now been 2 months right, and there is no help. I've managed to slip off their radar so that I can peacefully ctb without their interference. Because now, I don't want help anymore I'm just done. I asked 2 months ago for help it's just too late now, I don't care anymore. Anyone else?

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I reached that point and wasn't able to get out from there for almost 3 years.
Help is impossible to get if we're totally denied. The purpose of trying to live or giving life one more shot has to come from yourself.

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. Hope things get better somehow.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Yup, I've tried a dozen different pills and hours and hours of talking to some psychologist and therapist. First starting 10 years ago I would say. If it was going to get better it would have by now.

 

[theresonlyonewayout]

Yep same. Loads of different meds and therapies and nothings helped. I'm so tired now. There's no help that helps and no one cares. One of my anxieties means I can't use the phone so crisis team won't engage, calling for help etc are out. There's no sympathy for it. No phone = no help. Covid has magnified this because they won't home visit.

 

[suicide4me]

Same. I have no access to anything and I don't want access to anything. I want nothing more than to just die and be done with this cruel fucked up world. I have people that want me to get help, but they don't understand that even if I could, I don't want it and I shouldn't have to get it. Hopefully I can stick to my plan and be gone by the end of next month.

 

[Symbiote]

Wished people would understand that mental illness is like cancer, that we accepted our fate and wish to withdraw any form of treatment and live our life or what remains of it. Still have family members that insist on people getting treatment that diminish our quality of life so that we may stick around for another month or a year or so. It makes them happy, makes us fucking miserable. I don't get why people that love you let you go if they see that you're suffering and stop pushing incurable treatments on us like chemo or psych drugs.

 

[J113632]

People don't understand that after a lifetime of suffering from mental illness the idea of getting better becomes like a sad joke. Different medications that probably won't work, lifestyle changes that are hard to keep up with no tangible payoff, therapists that don't actually listen to you. Nothing works yet you're told to keep trying for a maybe one day. So fuck it. Live out the rest of your time if you want but it shouldn't be taboo taking an early out when you're suffering from an illness with no cure.

 

[Whole-Ad]

Yes, I reached that point and wasn't able to get out from there for almost 3 years.
Help is impossible to get if we're totally denied. The purpose of trying to live or giving life one more shot has to come from yourself.

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. Hope things get better somehow.

Hugs,

Matt

How did you manage to get out of feeling like that? My mother is literally begging me to stay and I just don't know how to explain it. I know I love her but I can't actually feel it anymore. I feel like I've lost everything about myself, I'm not me anymore. The past 2 months, every day that I've been here, it's been for her not me. I don't want help anymore and I wish that I could've been a better person or that I could've been strong enough to stay, or that I had more to give my parents. But I really do wish I got help sooner, and that I wasn't let down by services who are supposed to help. It's just too late now.

 

[theresonlyonewayout]

How did you manage to get out of feeling like that? My mother is literally begging me to stay and I just don't know how to explain it. I know I love her but I can't actually feel it anymore. I feel like I've lost everything about myself, I'm not me anymore. The past 2 months, every day that I've been here, it's been for her not me. I don't want help anymore and I wish that I could've been a better person or that I could've been strong enough to stay, or that I had more to give my parents. But I really do wish I got help sooner, and that I wasn't let down by services who are supposed to help. It's just too late now.

This post makes me so sad. I have no answers, for that I am sorry. I feel you tho, living for others is tough especially if you're trying to pretend you're ok for their sake.

 

[Whole-Ad]

This post makes me so sad. I have no answers, for that I am sorry. I feel you tho, living for others is tough especially if you're trying to pretend you're ok for their sake.

It really is hard and I'm sure I just come across as selfish in their eyes. It's not them who have to live this life. I think the big moment where I realised I was done was when my mother was sobbing in my room asking me to just get help and I honestly felt nothing. I looked at her and all I could say was that I didn't care anymore and that I don't want help, I'm comfortable with my decision. She went on to tell me that it's not just me who is affected blah blah blah why can't they see that I'm doing what I can to lessen the pain for them. I'm literally preparing them for my death, I'm saving all my money to pay for my own funeral, and I'm trying to be open and honest with them so that they don't have unanswered questions when I'm gone.

 

[WornOutLife]

How did you manage to get out of feeling like that? My mother is literally begging me to stay and I just don't know how to explain it. I know I love her but I can't actually feel it anymore. I feel like I've lost everything about myself, I'm not me anymore. The past 2 months, every day that I've been here, it's been for her not me. I don't want help anymore and I wish that I could've been a better person or that I could've been strong enough to stay, or that I had more to give my parents. But I really do wish I got help sooner, and that I wasn't let down by services who are supposed to help. It's just too late now.

I just realized that I was stuck in an eternal dilemma: wanting to ctb everyday until I lost my mind or really go for it.

I didn't have the guts to ctb so, what was the other choice? Spending the rest of my days like that until I went crazy for real? I pictured myself the idea of living for years in a psych ward. Maybe winning my freedom back from time to time but always returning there. I panicked.

Thus, I decided that I should try to live on and if things went really south, ctb. Being depressed in a bed was the worst option.

So, I started from baby steps to giant strides.

For instance, I started taking a shower everyday, cleaning my bedroom, taking my meds, going for a walk and so on. Then, magically, I suddenly had energy to do more stuff such as studying again and enjoying the hobbies I used to love before. I even started to work!

Now, I'm still suicidal and I will probably ctb one day (maybe impulsively). However, I'm doing my best to live and won't have any regrets.

Being a NEET (again) and crying in a bed everyday is not a choice anymore.

To sum up, I think the key to get out from the depression/ctb zone is to start with small things. Hobbies really help because they are a source of postive energy. If you have none, look for one! There are infinite options out there!

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Yeah. Definitely. Used to not be like this all the time though. The one thing that kept me alive this long was a certain goal I9 wanted to achieve in life. The goal meant so much to me that the hope of reaching it possibly one day kept me going on. Until now.

Ya see,I can no longer pursue said dream. Its gone. And please, don't tell me I can start over or set up a new goal,because I cannot. I have wanted the same thing for 30+ years and it was actually the foundation I felt I needed to establish so I could climb out of this pit of despair and start healing. So, yeah, with that goal now a long gone opportunity, I feel hopeless, pointless and worthless....

 

[Whole-Ad]

I just realized that I was stuck in an eternal dilemma: wanting to ctb everyday until I lost my mind or really go for it.

I didn't have the guts to ctb so, what was the other choice? Spending the rest of my days like that until I went crazy for real? I pictured myself the idea of living for years in a psych ward. Maybe winning my freedom back from time to time but always returning there. I panicked.

Thus, I decided that I should try to live on and if things went really south, ctb. Being depressed in a bed was the worst option.

So, I started from baby steps to giant strides.

For instance, I started taking a shower everyday, cleaning my bedroom, taking my meds, going for a walk and so on. Then, magically, I suddenly had energy to do more stuff such as studying again and enjoying the hobbies I used to love before. I even started to work!

Now, I'm still suicidal and I will probably ctb one day (maybe impulsively). However, I'm doing my best to live and won't have any regrets.

Being a NEET (again) and crying in a bed every day is not a choice anymore.

To sum up, I think the key to get out from the depression/ctb zone is to start with small things. Hobbies really help because they are a source of postive energy. If you have none, look for one! There are infinite options out there!

I found that whenever I had no plans for the day, that was the biggest trigger for impulses. So I did used to plan to do something on each day, even just small things like go for a walk, wash the car etc and it worked. In my head whenever I got an urge to ctb I'd say that I can't do that today because I need to wash the car tomorrow, I know it sounds stupid lol. But damn lately I don't care what tomorrow holds, in fact I hate looking to the future and I think it's because I know that I don't really have one. Thanks for replying, who knows, maybe I will end up trying again but for now I give up.

 

[theresonlyonewayout]

It really is hard and I'm sure I just come across as selfish in their eyes. It's not them who have to live this life. I think the big moment where I realised I was done was when my mother was sobbing in my room asking me to just get help and I honestly felt nothing. I looked at her and all I could say was that I didn't care anymore and that I don't want help, I'm comfortable with my decision. She went on to tell me that it's not just me who is affected blah blah blah why can't they see that I'm doing what I can to lessen the pain for them. I'm literally preparing them for my death, I'm saving all my money to pay for my own funeral, and I'm trying to be open and honest with them so that they don't have unanswered questions when I'm gone.

God I relate to this so much but the way I see it it's just as selfish to ask someone to live because you'd be sad if they didn't. I'm not saying what is right and what is wrong for you, only you can decide that. I can just identify with the horrible numbness and despair and preparing people as best you can.

 

[ErzsebetBATHORY]

Anyone else reached this point? Just had my mother going on and on at me about therapy and medication and no matter how clear I say it, she can't understand that I don't want help anymore.

I had my first suicide attempt 2 months ago, had my mental health assessment done and I specifically told them I need help now, not in 3 weeks or whatever. They said they would sort out therapy and gave me medication to take. The medication was awful so I stopped taking it, and my doctor said that she would no longer be calling me because I won't take her advice to continue the medication.

It's now been 2 months right, and there is no help. I've managed to slip off their radar so that I can peacefully ctb without their interference. Because now, I don't want help anymore I'm just done. I asked 2 months ago for help it's just too late now, I don't care anymore. Anyone else?

oftentimes i find that the so called HALP comes from good intentioned folk who somehow lack any trace of intuition. like theyre just pull string dolls that spit out cliched phrases. rarely do i find anyone remotely helpful, in the sense of the help actually helping.

 

[BlankUser]

I feel like I don't want to do any recovery work anymore. I am so tired, exhausted of everything. No matter how hard I try, sooner or later I end up in a square one. Recovery takes so much effort and the reward is so little. I'll never have a normal life. A life with a mental illness and malfunctioning brain can't be a fulfilling life.

 

[ErzsebetBATHORY]

I feel like I don't want to do any recovery work anymore. I am so tired, exhausted of everything. No matter how hard I try, sooner or later I end up in a square one. Recovery takes so much effort and the reward is so little. I'll never have a normal life. A life with a mental illness and malfunctioning brain can't be a fulfilling life.

may i suggest psychedelic therapy? if you learn about shamanism, you can make a connection with the plant spirit and it will do much of the work for you as it teaches you

 

[FuneralCry]

I think I just want to be done with life really. I have never liked living and typical treatments will not help for any of my problems. If I tried to get better life would just go against me and I would just end up worse than I was before. I just like the thought of eternal peace. Life isn't worth it as we just die anyway, it is pointless.

 

[Walilamdzii]

Yup totally getcha.

 

[HAKMKS]

Anyone else reached this point? Just had my mother going on and on at me about therapy and medication and no matter how clear I say it, she can't understand that I don't want help anymore.

I had my first suicide attempt 2 months ago, had my mental health assessment done and I specifically told them I need help now, not in 3 weeks or whatever. They said they would sort out therapy and gave me medication to take. The medication was awful so I stopped taking it, and my doctor said that she would no longer be calling me because I won't take her advice to continue the medication.

It's now been 2 months right, and there is no help. I've managed to slip off their radar so that I can peacefully ctb without their interference. Because now, I don't want help anymore I'm just done. I asked 2 months ago for help it's just too late now, I don't care anymore. Anyone else?

Im sorry, I dont do well with antidepressants either

 

[FindingHome]

At one point I wanted to get better. The stuff I went through in life has really wounded me. I want out.