Venting don’t think i’m going to be alive to see late 2024 the way my life is going

[true-ending]

not that i'll get my hands on a method soon, due to circumstances, but at this point i'll probably end up tossing myself off a building.
i've known a good friend of mines for a year now. i'm not going to survive to see the second year mark, i don't think. it's selfish but i hope he abandons me by then— it'll be better for the both of us, you know?

he deserves someone better and i deserve to die. it makes sense. how do i tell him how deeply i envy him? he has a boyfriend and other friends and other people that care about him. he deserves all the things he gets and then there's .. me. i'm pathetic. i'm just a person that sits in bed all day texting two entire people (i know, right? how fucking pathetic that i'm complaining about not having enough friends. sorry. i can't handle the idea of being alone again. when i am, i'll just kill myself. it'll all turn out fine.)

things turn out well for him a lot of the time. and i'm sitting here knowing full well i'm just a cosmic fucking joke. i'm just trouble. he really deserves better.

 

[manuel1056x]

I'm really sorry to hear that. That's why I stay away from relationships. I also think that I'm pathetic and of course alone. Before you do it, I recommend just trying to talk to your friend about it. Sometimes you see things (facts) through deceived eyes. Maybe he will help you, and of course I don't think you want that. You can always refuse the help and try to figure it out yourself with a little help from him. If you take your life, he may blame himself and have a negative memory of it. IDK if this is really what you want. I'm really sorry for how you feel, I see so much of you in myself. I hope that you will be happy.

 

[sserafim]

Same, I don't want to live past the end of this year. I don't want to see 2024. I miss 2013 and 2014, I don't want to reach 2024…