Don't have a good reason to ctb but want to die

[Alcatraz_anthrax]

It's a strange thing, I don't have to a good reason to ctb and yet I carry a strong urge to leave this life.

The thing is, there are millions of small reasons that trigger my suicidal thoughts. I am sure a lot of people here can relate.

I want to leave a note behind but i don't know what to say when i write about why i left. I can't list all reasons because of length and the fact that i want to keep somethings hidden from my family (nothing serious) and i can't list a few of them because then it makes me seem like an ungrateful piece of shit.

Don't know what to do. I am leaving a note because I love my family and they love me, they deserve an explanation, just don't know how to give them one.

 

[darkfoxgirl]

It's a strange thing, I don't have to a good reason to ctb and yet I carry a strong urge to leave this life.

The thing is, there are millions of small reasons that trigger my suicidal thoughts. I am sure a lot of people here can relate.

I want to leave a note behind but i don't know what to say when i write about why i left. I can't list all reasons because of length and the fact that i want to keep somethings hidden from my family (nothing serious) and i can't list a few of them because then it makes me seem like an ungrateful piece of shit.

Don't know what to do. I am leaving a note because I love my family and they love me, they deserve an explanation, just don't know how to give them one.

I completely relate. I have no good reason really and sometimes feel guilty. I tried to write my suicide note for my family but it came out so plain and short so I decided not to use it.

 

[Stargazer100]

I can relate sort of. I have no significant meaning to anyone (other than my family wanting to keep me around but that to me has no basis). There is nothing immediate going on, but the void of meaning to my life is one of the reasons to stop living. There is nothing I want to say, there is nothing I think could help anyone if I say it. In fact I think the people I care about most are best of not knowing how I am doing or that I killed myself. So no messages to anyone, leaving no note behind. I'm glad to be out of their lifes because I know term that is best for everyone, bit that isn't at all why I kill myself, I stop living because I want to stop witnissing my own failure to become who I want to be every day.

Putting that on a note won't be any comfort to anyone who gets to read it either, it would just give them more to reflect on, and them reflecting on choices I have made is pointless anyway.

Would it be any comfort to anyone if I tell them that for a while, when I was with my ex, I felt like a normal healthy outlooking version of myself? Would it be any comfort to them to know that for a while I felt like the version of myself I wanted to be? No. That relationship didn't last, it would just put questions on the mind of my ex while my choices are in no way a result of hers.

I've chosen to do the opposite of leaving a note: I've openly vented my depressed and to some people also my suicidal feelings until they realized I am no good to them in their lifes and we broke contact. This helps me reflect on myself because I am alone with my own thoughts, and it prevents them from being emotionally attached when I kill myself.

The only thing that might bother me in this moment is that maybe someone will log in on my devices look at my online hostory and try to form an image of my mind. They can't form an image of my mind. It would only lead to many more questions in their minds. I'm not sure if I care to go through any effort to prevent them from investigating my devices. It's up to others to let go, even if they don't want to. There is nothing but their own interpretations to cling on to, and that's not helpful.

I dream of reaching out to my ex before I kill myself. Of her talking me out of it and confessing she wants us back together. (In fact she once called me to say her goodbyes when she had suicide plans and I made very clear that I didn't want that to happen.)
But a happy ever after is obviously a fantasy. All it would accomplish is panic and I would plant a seed in her mind that she migh have been responsible or that it might be ok for her to follow example.

I want them to let go of me, just like I let go of myself. By not reaching out to anyone no one can question whether it was a cry for attention (it wasn't). No one will try to blame a specific moment or event for being a root cause (there wasn't such moment). It's just systemically me failing to become myself. Me struggling with the way brain works.

This comment kind of turned into me self reflecting. Maybe it's of help to someone.

 

[whywere]

Life is a mirror, sometimes a two-way mirror sometimes not. Walter

 

[Deleted member 8579]

How strange that one should justify dying, but not living.
Any reason to end one's life is valid, although I recognise that this is an extreme position.
Some people live through a world war and enjoy the experience, others are robbed once and scarred for life.
No one has the right to decide how much a person needs to suffer in order to decide that their life is not worth the while.
If the reason is sufficient for you, no one has the authority to deny your wish to die.

 

[Alcatraz_anthrax]

I completely relate. I have no good reason really and sometimes feel guilty. I tried to write my suicide note for my family but it came out so plain and short so I decided not to use it.

I want to leave a note so bad. but I know I wouldn't be able to justify it

I can relate sort of. I have no significant meaning to anyone (other than my family wanting to keep me around but that to me has no basis). There is nothing immediate going on, but the void of meaning to my life is one of the reasons to stop living. There is nothing I want to say, there is nothing I think could help anyone if I say it. In fact I think the people I care about most are best of not knowing how I am doing or that I killed myself. So no messages to anyone, leaving no note behind. I'm glad to be out of their lifes because I know term that is best for everyone, bit that isn't at all why I kill myself, I stop living because I want to stop witnissing my own failure to become who I want to be every day.

Putting that on a note won't be any comfort to anyone who gets to read it either, it would just give them more to reflect on, and them reflecting on choices I have made is pointless anyway.

Would it be any comfort to anyone if I tell them that for a while, when I was with my ex, I felt like a normal healthy outlooking version of myself? Would it be any comfort to them to know that for a while I felt like the version of myself I wanted to be? No. That relationship didn't last, it would just put questions on the mind of my ex while my choices are in no way a result of hers.

I've chosen to do the opposite of leaving a note: I've openly vented my depressed and to some people also my suicidal feelings until they realized I am no good to them in their lifes and we broke contact. This helps me reflect on myself because I am alone with my own thoughts, and it prevents them from being emotionally attached when I kill myself.

The only thing that might bother me in this moment is that maybe someone will log in on my devices look at my online hostory and try to form an image of my mind. They can't form an image of my mind. It would only lead to many more questions in their minds. I'm not sure if I care to go through any effort to prevent them from investigating my devices. It's up to others to let go, even if they don't want to. There is nothing but their own interpretations to cling on to, and that's not helpful.

I dream of reaching out to my ex before I kill myself. Of her talking me out of it and confessing she wants us back together. (In fact she once called me to say her goodbyes when she had suicide plans and I made very clear that I didn't want that to happen.)
But a happy ever after is obviously a fantasy. All it would accomplish is panic and I would plant a seed in her mind that she migh have been responsible or that it might be ok for her to follow example.

I want them to let go of me, just like I let go of myself. By not reaching out to anyone no one can question whether it was a cry for attention (it wasn't). No one will try to blame a specific moment or event for being a root cause (there wasn't such moment). It's just systemically me failing to become myself. Me struggling with the way brain works.

This comment kind of turned into me self reflecting. Maybe it's of help to someone.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. you can vent, my friend, let it out. your response made me self reflect and I can tell you that it's been of help

How strange that one should justify dying, but not living.
Any reason to end one's life is valid, although I recognise that this is an extreme position.
Some people live through a world war and enjoy the experience, others are robbed once and scarred for life.
No one has the right to decide how much a person has to suffer in order for them to deem their life to be worthless.
If the reason is sufficient for you, no one has the authority to deny your wish to die.

We didn't ask to be born, but we were flung unto the world. I hate everything about it. I
f there's a god, why has he made such a life?

 

[FuneralCry]

I see the right to die as a basic human right, it isn't like we have an obligation to stay alive as we did not ask for it. In the end we all cope with things differently and we all have our limits, things that others might not make a big deal over can really affect us. Little things often make me feel worse too. Living can be painful, and I'm sorry you are suffering. I wish you well.