Don't feel safe -- Go to the hospital or to jail?

[MartyByrde]

It's not my time to CTB yet. I still have to get my affairs in order, and I don't want to hurt my family.

That being said, I am in a REALLY dark place right now, and the urge to take my SN is overwhelming. I feel like I need to be somewhere safe where I can't harm myself. The problem is that I cannot afford to go to the hospital. Health care (especially hospitalization) is ridiculously expensive where I am, and my insurance would only cover a portion of it. I'm thinking the only other "safe" place is jail, so I'm considering committing a crime just to get locked up. If I tell them I'm suicidal, they'll probably just put me in segregation and I'll hopefully get the break I need. I'm trying to figure out a crime that's serious enough to get me locked up, but not so bad that I'll be stuck there for a long time. I definitely don't want to do anything violent, and I really don't want to cause any serious damage to anyone. Anybody have any ideas?

ETA: In my desperation I tried the suicide chatline (never used it before). It said there are 42 people ahead of me. Lol.

Have you ever been imprisoned? It's loud at and there's no peace. You will not be given so much as underwear or sheets in solitary. You'll be forced to wear a turtle suit. I know life on the outside can be hell, but jail is like another ring of the inferno.

 

[s1mplem3]

How about your family or friends? Can you tell them? Basically you have answer for your question, hospital is expensive and prison is free, but to be honest I don't want you to be criminal, besides that you will have to deal with other people in there so you never know what to expect, you can even die.

 

[MartyByrde]

How about your family or friends? Can you tell them? Basically you have answer for your question, hospital is expensive and prison is free, but to be honest I don't want you to be criminal, besides that you will have to deal with other people in there so you never know what to expect, you can even die.

You can die in any of these scenarios.

If you have the option of forced hospitalization, that would be my preference. Most hospitals here don't have psych wards. They just hold you for transport to the crisis or psych facility. You can also self-admit directly to the facility, and avoid the hospital all together.

Edit: To answer the question about telling family and friends. I think it's worth a try. I tried for years with mine. Didn't work to help me much, but I've seen a few others helped by their support.