Venting Don’t even think I can fully remember the last time I was actually happy.

[CrazyDiamond04]

It's been years at least. I want to say at least 3 years ago but I can't say for sure. It feels like it's been forever. Any memory of true contentment seems like it's a lifetime ago. Time has just become a shitty blur of suffering and meaninglessness; I hate nearly every second of it. Any true sense of joy is a foreign concept of a bygone era.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've just been trying to remember the last time I was happy, and I honestly can't remember.
I understand that feeling of life being one of endless, meaningless suffering.
An endless, mind-numbing loop of shitfuckery.

 

[Meditation guide]

There are degrees of happiness. I thought something was very wrong with my eye that's been hurting but the eye doctor today said nothing is wrong it's just a small stye, a little bump that will go away. I was very happy.

When a boyfriend let me buy all the photography equipment I wanted in the store one time that made me happy. When I was on a private beach in Nassau, surrounded by palm trees and clear turquoise ocean, that made me happy. When I was doing dressage on my favorite horse, that made me happy.

When I ate pizza today for the first time in years that made me happy. So twice today I was happy.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

There are degrees of happiness. I thought something was very wrong with my eye that's been hurting but the eye doctor today said nothing is wrong it's just a small stye, a little bump that will go away. I was very happy.

When a boyfriend let me buy all the photography equipment I wanted in the store one time that made me happy. When I was on a private beach in Nassau, surrounded by palm trees and clear turquoise ocean, that made me happy. When I was doing dressage on my favorite horse, that made me happy.

When I ate pizza today for the first time in years that made me happy. So twice today I was happy.

I have moments in my life that I enjoy as well but I wouldn't necessarily define it as happy. To me personally, happiness is more akin to a state of being than a momentary thing. There are definitely times where I feel "happy" but they're more fleeting moments of pleasure than true personal happiness and contentment. It's more a sense of relief than anything else.

 

[Meditation guide]

It's grasping at holding on to happiness that is painful. I've spent time thinking and studying Buddhist theory and it's not easy to change how I think but I work on it. I try to notice and relish the moments I'm happy knowing they are fleeting. Accepting it. I gave up on thinking happiness was a stable state of being. I'm not saying everyone should do that but it's just how I try to cope. Most of the time I'm miserable.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I'd say i genuinely can't remember the last time I was actually content with being here, with being alive. We all have moments that we do enjoy but that doesn't necessarily mean we ourselves are happy or content on some level with the way life is. Fleeting moments is all we have.

 

[FuneralCry]

Happiness doesn't even exist to me personally, I have no memories of ever wanting to exist here, existing has always felt very meaningless to me. It's truly something so dreadful having the ability to exist as a conscious being who is capable of suffering so much.