Doing it right now. Very scared.

[Piu]

I'm ready to do it but I'm terrified. Not of pain, of somehow surviving. I already did before and everything got so much worse.

I took 50 mg of clodoxin (to avoid vomiting) about 25 minutes ago. And I crushed my propranolol pills into a powder and mixed them in lukewarm water. It's 24 g in total. A user here took 15 g and it seems that it worked. I read a lot of pub med and everyone who survives has no sequelae even on overdoses of 5-8 g, so no brain damage. But I don't want to survive. Please, will this work? I'm ready to do it now, I already took my clodoxin, I prepared my pills, I'm just waiting a few more minutes for the clodoxin (read it could be 30 minutes or an hour).

Do you think I will be free?

 

[hellispink]

Wishing you the best. May you find peace.

 

[Ander]

Good luck, i hope you can rest now bro.

 

[Jrmull1993]

@Piu Sounds like you have a well thought out and solid plan. Wishing you the best of luck at finding your peace.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

Sending you love. Wishing you comfort and peace.

 

[Piu]

Suicide is so lonely. I'm ready. I'm scared.

I'm just going to do it. If I think about it too much l'll keep putting it off, doubting myself elf, coming up with reasons and excuses it won't work. Doing research is good because nobody wants to survive but at some point I've done all the research I can, I've done all the things I could, and the only thing left is just doing it. At some point thinking about it is useless, it comes down to am I willing to do whatever it takes to finally rest? And even if I'm terrified it just comes down to I either do it or I don't. Nobody will save me or do the hard thing for me. Nothing will happen if nothing happens, if I don't do it. Nobody on here has the answers to my questions because if they did they wouldn't be here anymore.

So I'll just do it. I'm crying and scared and lonely but this is it. I'm not scared to die or feel pain, I'm terrified to wake up and be sent to a hospital and watched and being unable to try again.

But I have done all I can. I'm logging off because I'm going to drink my glass of water fast and turning my phone off (I don't want anyone to find this site on it) and I need to do it fast.

These words feel really empty, but as I write I can't stop crying. Suicide is so lonely. I hope there's nothing after this.

Goodbye. Please let this work.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

@Piu I don't even know about that method at all sorry, but wishing you the best. Since you are a new member and I don't know your story I will just say don't do anything you are not absolutely sure about.

 

[miserableforever]

Suicide is so lonely. I'm ready. I'm scared.

I'm just going to do it. If I think about it too much l'll keep putting it off, doubting myself elf, coming up with reasons and excuses it won't work. Doing research is good because nobody wants to survive but at some point I've done all the research I can, I've done all the things I could, and the only thing left is just doing it. At some point thinking about it is useless, it comes down to am I willing to do whatever it takes to finally rest? And even if I'm terrified it just comes down to I either do it or I don't. Nobody will save me or do the hard thing for me. Nothing will happen if nothing happens, if I don't do it. Nobody on here has the answers to my questions because if they did they wouldn't be here anymore.

So I'll just do it. I'm crying and scared and lonely but this is it. I'm not scared to die or feel pain, I'm terrified to wake up and be sent to a hospital and watched and being unable to try again.

But I have done all I can. I'm logging off because I'm going to drink my glass of water fast and turning my phone off (I don't want anyone to find this site on it) and I need to do it fast.

These words feel really empty, but as I write I can't stop crying. Suicide is so lonely. I hope there's nothing after this.

Goodbye. Please let this work.

I hope you are ready, you sound so nervous and worried. Sending you much love, that's all I can do.

 

[Euthanza]

Sorry you have to do this alone. Wish you final peace

 

[It'sMyLife]

I haven't posted here in quite a while but how about cooling your engines for now? I tried looking at your posts but I'm unable. I have zero ideas why you are so determined. It might be something horrific and I'm sorry if it is. You just are so insanely nervous. The girl yesterday was so calm and resolute which is amazing to me. If you can read this just wait if you can You just joined here for heavens sake. If you ctb then I wish you peace in whatever may or may not be on the other side

 

[betternever2havbeen]

@It'sMyLife They haven't made any other posts. That's why I was saying don't do anything you're not sure about. They didn't give anyone a chance to discuss anything about it with them...

 

[Jane_]

I hope that you find peace if you do decide to leave <3

 

[Hiraeth Grimoire]

I hope you have found peace and eternal freedom fellow sufferer

 

[theboy]

Good trip
Peace

 

[Astronauta]

Qu vc encontre a paz !

 

[Huntfish34]

May you R.I.P. Always and forever,. Godspeed -

 

[SouthGermany1982]

Have a safe journey

 

[Hollowillow]

I wonder if doubling the dose would work better or cause vomitting.

I hope you found peace, you weren't alone, I'm glad many people replied. I hope that you saw it & that you are free. If not, there are kind guides here.

 

[1000winds]

you sound so scared and terrifiedi wish you luck and peace

 

[Lifeless mindset]

Best of luck! Take some deep breaths and try to relax and stay clear headed. Surviving is my biggest fear but if this is what you truly want, then that is pretty much a risk you're willing to take with attempting to CTB

 

[melodrama]

Wow... That's was somewhat hard to read... I hope you found the peace you were looking for.

 

[Shivali]

 

[It'sMyLife]

@It'sMyLife They haven't made any other posts. That's why I was saying don't do anything you're not sure about. They didn't give anyone a chance to discuss anything about it with them..

I wasn't sure about intervening in any way. I know it can ruffle some feathers . I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't read your post tbh. I just hope that when my time comes I do feel calm and peaceful regardless of how it occurs and I wish the same for others but especially for my fellow ctbers

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you felt so alone in your last moments, it really is such a cruel existence and none of us deserve the pain that this life gives us. I hope that you found freedom from your suffering. Best wishes.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I wasn't sure about intervening in any way. I know it can ruffle some feathers . I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't read your post tbh. I just hope that when my time comes I do feel calm and peaceful regardless of how it occurs and I wish the same for others but especially for my fellow ctbers

Yeh same, I'm completely pro-choice and I actually hate being like "are you sure" and all that but when it's a new poster and they are doing something that seems kinda impulsive, I think that's the time to step in and say maybe have a chat on the site first? IDK it's a tough one.