Does your family know you want to die?

[Shikamaru]

Does your family know that you want to die?
Mine does, however they don't know my current plan to CTB, they just know I'm severely depressed and don't like living. This is due to my previous attempts and breaking down when being found / in ambulance and crying saying I just want to die. I feel guilty but also know that when I am soon dead that they will understand why I did it and the suffering I feel.
Anyone else? How does it make you feel

 

[universe]

Does your family know that you want to die?
Mine does, however they don't know my current plan to CTB, they just know I'm severely depressed and don't like living. This is due to my previous attempts and breaking down when being found / in ambulance and crying saying I just want to die. I feel guilty but also know that when I am soon dead that they will understand why I did it and the suffering I feel.
Anyone else? How does it make you feel

Not my family. When I was 8 years old I told my mother that it would be nice to be able to take a strike, a break from life. But no more, my mother said never to say that but we never talked about it again.

On the other hand my friendly entourage knows that I want to and that I will commit suicide later. Which is funny and that they continue to include me in future plans. For example: on your birthday we can do that. In 2 years I want us to do that.
While in my head I say to myself "but why are they pretending I'm going to live?"

 

[Shikamaru]

Not my family. When I was 8 years old I told my mother that it would be nice to be able to take a strike, a break from life. But no more, my mother said never to say that but we never talked about it again.

On the other hand my friendly entourage knows that I want to and that I will commit suicide later. Which is funny and that they continue to include me in future plans. For example: on your birthday we can do that. In 2 years I want us to do that.
While in my head I say to myself "but why are they pretending I'm going to live?"

I suppose it's because they love you and envision you being there in the future because it's heartbreaking to consider someone you love not being there one day. I have the same thoughts though literally daily tbh, like "yea that's great but I'll be dead by then so I'm not gonna think about it". It's a very strange feeling xx

 

[farakini]

Yeah they do and I've even told them about my previous attempts. They continue to ignore me so it's safe to say that they don't care.

 

[Hollowillow]

Does your family know that you want to die?
Mine does, however they don't know my current plan to CTB, they just know I'm severely depressed and don't like living. This is due to my previous attempts and breaking down when being found / in ambulance and crying saying I just want to die. I feel guilty but also know that when I am soon dead that they will understand why I did it and the suffering I feel.
Anyone else? How does it make you feel

My family were abusive narcs... I went no contact... Changed my name recently. I tried to get help from social services, they were warm & loving, until they figured out my old name. They cancelled my appointment agressively, blaming me for not saying my old name instead if the discrimination. They were a center for trauma, I never met them. It's either because I asked to respect my doctor's mask exemption if because I gave mental illness labels. I fought for years to have a therapy for the trauma for crimes I endured, instead to label my personaly. But that label has such bullying stugma that the real therapy I need bans me without neeting me.

I can't escape labels & discrimination. I'm forced to die.

I was hit by a car. Begged to be finished off "I can't live like this", it was coming out if a dictir appointment to beg him to have help at home because I'm too sick to function

I don't have sn but wish to die so hard right now...

...

 

[Shikamaru]

Yeah they do and I've even told them about my previous attempts. They continue to ignore me so it's safe to say that they don't care.

I'm so sorry <3 do you have a good relationship with them otherwise?? Perhaps that don't have enough experience and knowledge on mental illness to be able to process and deal with it while giving you the support you need. For some it's easier to ignore something that brings them hurt rather than deal with it xx

My family were abusive narcs... I went no contact... Changed my name recently. I tried to get help from social services, they were warm & loving, until they figured out my old name. They cancelled my appointment agressively, blaming me for not saying my old name instead if the discrimination. They were a center for trauma, I never met them. It's either because I asked to respect my doctor's mask exemption if because I gave mental illness labels. I fought for years to have a therapy for the trauma for crimes I endured, instead to label my personaly. But that label has such bullying stugma that the real therapy I need bans me without neeting me.

I can't escape labels & discrimination. I'm forced to die.

I was hit by a car. Begged to be finished off "I can't live like this", it was coming out if a dictir appointment to beg him to have help at home because I'm too sick to function

I don't have sn but wish to die so hard right now...

...

I'm so so so sorry !! Nobody deserves that and your certainly are a brave and strong individual for growing up and living with that trauma. My heart breaks for you and I totally understand your reasoning for not wanting to be here . Aw that really just hits home to me because I cannot stand abusive families and domestic violence (whether it be physical, emotional or manipulatively). May I ask are you planning on buying SN to have a peaceful exit? If you ever wanna chat, need support or anything you can always send me a message xx <3

 

[farakini]

I have an okay relationship with them. U might be right about ignoring me to keep from hurting but I also think it's because they don't think I'll actually do it.

 

[Shikamaru]

I have an okay relationship with them. U might be right about ignoring me to keep from hurting but I also think it's because they don't think I'll actually do it.

Sounds like they don't understand the severity of feeling suicidal and mental illness. If they love you (which I'm sure they do), just know they will be devastated by your loss and that they do care deeply, even if they don't know how to show it or don't understand it xx

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

I was having an argument that involved both my parents one time, don't even remember about what exactly, and I blurted out that I had thought about CTB. As far as I recall my mother said "Don't say that" and my father said nothing. It's never been brought up again. Can't really remember when either but must've been 3-5 years ago, early(er) 20s.

 

[farakini]

Sounds like they don't understand the severity of feeling suicidal and mental illness. If they love you (which I'm sure they do), just know they will be devastated by your loss and that they do care deeply, even if they don't know how to show it or don't understand it xx

I know they'll be devastated, but I can't bother too think about anyone else's feelings when no one ever considers mine. I'm tired and just want to leave this world. They'll get over it.

 

[Shikamaru]

I know they'll be devastated, but I can't bother too think about anyone else's feelings when no one ever considers mine. I'm tired and just want to leave this world. They'll get over it.

100%. Yes it's going to hurt those that love us and I personally feel a lot of guilt for that, especially since my family has experienced loss from suicide before, but sometimes we have to do what feel right for ourselves and it's not selfish to leave a life that we aren't happy in. Xx
Everyone's going to have to face their death one day, we are simply choosing when and how

 

[CowsAreCool]

No, in fact I'm the most joyous in my family. They all probably think I'm the least likely to CTB, although they know I have issues with anxiety.

I'm a good actor. I'm kind of proud of it.

 

[Shikamaru]

No, in fact I'm the most joyous in my family. They all probably think I'm the least likely to CTB, although they know I have issues with anxiety.

I'm a good actor. I'm kind of proud of it.

Some people that carry the most hurt and sadness can appear the happiest </3 I'm sorry xx

 

[Hangnail]

Yeah they do but they don't think I'm serious about it. I have my SN though.

 

[Shikamaru]

Yeah they do but they don't think I'm serious about it. I have my SN though.

Me too! I'll be CTB around mid November if all goes according to plan xx

 

[ManicPanic2018]

Mine do. They're calling me every day to check up on me knowing I'm in the active stage, but have no idea I'll be going tonight. My Dad said to me for the first time this week that he actually understands why I would want to kill myself given my situation. My death is still going to hit him like an atomic bomb, but I pray he can at least find peace in knowing that my suffering will be over.

 

[Shikamaru]

Mine do. They're calling me every day to check up on me knowing I'm in the active stage, but have no idea I'll be going tonight. My Dad said to me for the first time this week that he actually understands why I would want to kill myself given my situation. My death is still going to hit him like an atomic bomb, but I pray he can at least find peace in knowing that my suffering will be over.

sounds so similar to my situation!!!! My dads brother also killed himself and my dad found him :/ mental illness and addiction runs so fucking strongly throughout my family, and my dad has severe depression, ptsd, and deals with addiction, and suicide attempts in the past. I'm so scared my death will cause him to CTB , I know he won't be able to deal with it well but I also know he will understand the pain I feel and hopefully (I pray) be able to rely on the support around him and get through it … :/ seriously breaks my heart and I wish to god I didn't have to go through with this xx

 

[ManicPanic2018]

sounds so similar to my situation!!!! My dads brother also killed himself and my dad found him :/ mental illness and addiction runs so fucking strongly throughout my family, and my dad has severe depression, ptsd, and deals with addiction, and suicide attempts in the past. I'm so scared my death will cause him to CTB , I know he won't be able to deal with it well but I also know he will understand the pain I feel and hopefully (I pray) be able to rely on the support around him and get through it … :/ seriously breaks my heart and I wish to god I didn't have to go through with this xx

Me too. I've been up for the past 11 hours writing my goodbye notes. Only one more to go. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and then I've got the challenge of the grand finale tonight. If there is a hell, it fucking feels like I'll end up there for what I'm about to do to these people.

 

[Shikamaru]

Me too. I've been up for the past 11 hours writing my goodbye notes. Only one more to go. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and then I've got the challenge of the grand finale tonight. If there is a hell, it fucking feels like I'll end up there for what I'm about to do to these people.

I don't believe there's a hell <3 and if there was, your making the decision to end your own suffering and pain. That's not something sinful . And your not responsible for the pain your loss brings onto others!! It's just a blessing that you were here in this life to create those loving relationships with family xx message me if you wanna chat about anything before you go !! I seriously am sending you so many prayers (even though I'm not religious) and just wish the best for you !!!

 

[carnivore]

Yes. And my friends too. Seems nobody care.

 

[ManicPanic2018]

I don't believe there's a hell <3 and if there was, your making the decision to end your own suffering and pain. That's not something sinful . And your not responsible for the pain your loss brings onto others!! It's just a blessing that you were here in this life to create those loving relationships with family xx message me if you wanna chat about anything before you go !! I seriously am sending you so many prayers (even though I'm not religious) and just wish the best for you !!!

Thank you so much. I don't believe in it either. It's just hard when you know how deeply loved you are by these people. I am lucky enough to be anyway, I know many others aren't. I'm hoping that love will help them understand the pain I've been in. Because jesus christ, I could never wish what I'm going through on anyone.

I'll quit my bitching now and go finish this final note. Then some admin for the EMTs, some other final items, then it's setting up the goodbye party time, woop woop.

15 more hours to go, plenty of time.

 

[Shikamaru]

Thank you so much. I don't believe in it either. It's just hard when you know how deeply loved you are by these people. I am lucky enough to be anyway, I know many others aren't. I'm hoping that love will help them understand the pain I've been in. Because jesus christ, I could never wish what I'm going through on anyone.

I'll quit my bitching now and go finish this final note. Then some admin for the EMTs, some other final items, then it's setting up the goodbye party time, woop woop.

15 more hours to go, plenty of time.

I'm excited for you!! Which doesn't really sound right considering the situation but you know what I mean I hope <3

May I ask did you find someone to document your journey ?? Xx

 

[ManicPanic2018]

I'm excited for you!! Which doesn't really sound right considering the situation but you know what I mean I hope <3

May I ask did you find someone to document your journey ?? Xx

Don't worry, I get you completely <3

I backed out of that idea after sleeping on it I'm afraid. I had offers, but on reflection felt I need to take this journey alone, and with as little anxiety as possible.

 

[universe]

I suppose it's because they love you and envision you being there in the future because it's heartbreaking to consider someone you love not being there one day. I have the same thoughts though literally daily tbh, like "yea that's great but I'll be dead by then so I'm not gonna think about it". It's a very strange feeling xx

I do not know. I think maybe they don't take me seriously. That I say that in the wind to get noticed. But today I have all the equipment to leave: SN and all the necessary medication. I can't wait to leave.

 

[Hope:-)]

They know I'm unhappy but I don't think they have any idea how serious I am about suicide.

 

[outrider567]

No, just that I'm depressed

 

[Mofreeko]

No, but I don't think they'd be all that shocked.

 

[FuneralCry]

No. And this would always be for the best. In my opinion, it can never be beneficial telling others about wanting to exit. It would only just make things worse. Other people can potentially interfere with plans and may guilt trip the suicidal person to try and force them to stay here against their wishes.

Unfortunately we do live in a pro suffering society where the topic of suicide is so stigmatised. In an ideal world people would be able to share their plans without the fear of others stopping them. The right to die should always be respected as after all there is nothing wrong with someone deciding to leave this world at a time of their own choosing.

 

[On Replay]

They know. And they don't like it , my nana (who is the most important person to me) makes me feel bad about it

"….. you complain about being depressed" etc

They know, and I've vocalized that "atleast you won't be surprised when I do"

They know, they're the most supportive people I have yet the most nor understanding. I guess I understand why, idk . They mean well. They don't want me to go I think. Or they do their best to be "Good" idk.
I want to go before her, before her and my aunt, how will I go without them ? I canr
Can't

 

[Himalayan]

Probably does