I know my failed attempt not only haunts me but it also makes me feel dumb. The saddest part about it was knowing I had a way out and it gave me comfort. Then I found out it never would have caused ctb. Now I'm a lost soul. I truly thought the day I took all those pills it was going to work. I even said goodbye to everyone like an idiot. Anyone else now feel lost or afraid to try again?
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Nirrend
The important is not how long you live ...
- Mar 12, 2022
- 400
Hello dear @takemenowpls
I'm sorry, I wated to answer earlier but I forgot ..
I understand you when you are talking of "Haunting Memories", LIke you I've failed many attempts in the past, and during the few days and weeks that passed, I was doing the scenario and each action again in my head.
As I could modify the mistakes I made
I tended to dream of it, I tended to wish to die very quickly, because I ended in Psychiatry ... Such an horrible moment.
You're not alone and I understand how much you're desesperate and angry to have fail with benzo. As we talked in DM, I know it's hard, but be patient and I'm sure that you'll find what you are seeking for !
In any cases, sending you hugs !
See you soon <3
I'm sorry, I wated to answer earlier but I forgot ..
I understand you when you are talking of "Haunting Memories", LIke you I've failed many attempts in the past, and during the few days and weeks that passed, I was doing the scenario and each action again in my head.
As I could modify the mistakes I made
I tended to dream of it, I tended to wish to die very quickly, because I ended in Psychiatry ... Such an horrible moment.
You're not alone and I understand how much you're desesperate and angry to have fail with benzo. As we talked in DM, I know it's hard, but be patient and I'm sure that you'll find what you are seeking for !
In any cases, sending you hugs !
See you soon <3
nirrend
Thank you ever so much for answering. I'm so fucking sad today. Just really wanted someone to vent to and maybe hear what they went through. I was so happy to see YOU answered. Made me smile so thank you.
Thank you ever so much for answering. I'm so fucking sad today. Just really wanted someone to vent to and maybe hear what they went through. I was so happy to see YOU answered. Made me smile so thank you.
Nirrend
The important is not how long you live ...
- Mar 12, 2022
- 400
I'm glad if you feel better now <3
Do not hesitate if you want to talk friend <3
See you soon !
theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,121
When I had failed attempts I felt the same as you. I'm also afraid to try again...
burglarlydante
Member
- Apr 30, 2020
- 98
I'll try as many times needed for me to die
Dying is the only option for me
Dying is the only option for me
Agreed but it's so difficult. And not to mention to possibility of failure. Causing damage and ending up in a nut house. But my life is still filled with more coming. Soon I will have the courage to finally CTB. Just need to research and plan to succeed. Keeping in mind no method is painless
GasMonkey
Nitrogen Master Race
- May 15, 2022
- 1,878
Hollowillow
The only place that allows negative feelings.
- Aug 7, 2022
- 1,515
I guess it does haunt me. I'm 42, when I was 11 I took a knife but failed to slice my wrists, not even a scratch. I tried across, would have failed. I often wish I hadn't. I tried to go freeze in the woods & cut there. The cold would have stopped the blood. A neighboor stopped me when I said goodbye... My mother never comforted me. Just sent me back to bed I guess. How I wish I had died that day... So much abuse & physical pain.
What haunts me is other people's failures. I want partial hanging now. Someone failed 25 times. Saw 2 article on fully paralyzed mute people, maybe full hanging, I hope partial won't break my neck. I wonder if they can't move from brain damage... Maybe I should build a guillotine.
I'm honestly ashamed that I thought it would be easy to ctb, I feel like an idiot
thebunny
be what they fear.
- Aug 19, 2022
- 227
yes, my recent failed attempt still haunts me because god, i wish that it worked.
it's embarrassing and heartbreaking to wake up the morning after chugging down a bunch of pills with alcohol and saying goodbye to loved ones. questioned myself and everything else several times the day after.
i think the feeling you get after a failed attempt is far worse than the feeling you were having before and during the said attempt because all the regret, shame, and guilt hits you hard. after mine, i became this lost cause of a human being, devoid of happiness or any optimism. it's exhausting. it's exhausting because everyday after that day, i kept wishing that it worked. everyday after that day, i suffer.
however, just like they all say, learn from your mistakes. i know damn well that i will the next time i'll attempt again.
i do empathize with you and i'm sorry that you're having such a horrible feeling to bear with everyday. it's okay to feel scared of trying again, we all feel that way so i hope you know that you're not alone on this. i do hope that you find peace within yourself soon. perhaps not now, but when you are truly ready. best of wishes to you
it's embarrassing and heartbreaking to wake up the morning after chugging down a bunch of pills with alcohol and saying goodbye to loved ones. questioned myself and everything else several times the day after.
"why didn't it work? am i just destined for failure?"
i think the feeling you get after a failed attempt is far worse than the feeling you were having before and during the said attempt because all the regret, shame, and guilt hits you hard. after mine, i became this lost cause of a human being, devoid of happiness or any optimism. it's exhausting. it's exhausting because everyday after that day, i kept wishing that it worked. everyday after that day, i suffer.
however, just like they all say, learn from your mistakes. i know damn well that i will the next time i'll attempt again.
i do empathize with you and i'm sorry that you're having such a horrible feeling to bear with everyday. it's okay to feel scared of trying again, we all feel that way so i hope you know that you're not alone on this. i do hope that you find peace within yourself soon. perhaps not now, but when you are truly ready. best of wishes to you
