usernamesarehard
Life sucks and then you die
- Dec 22, 2021
- 317
I saw a post asking how you know medication is working and one of the replies mentioned something along the lines of 'less or no phases of hopelessness, despair and tearfulness.'
I've been on Prozac and Wellbutrin for a few months now. Both for different reasons. The Wellbutrin is to help with the constant exhaustion that was so great it made it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. And the Prozac is to help with my mood, specifically the constant anger.
But throughout my entire time taking meds and trying a few therapists here and there I was/ still am full of hopelessness and despair. And crying /feeling the urge to cry is still a pretty regular occurrence.
What I'm hopeless about changes from year to year, but the hopelessness is always there. I was hopeless because I thought I wouldn't be able to get a good paying job I could actually tolerate being at, then I was worried I'd never get a boyfriend, then I was worried that he would leave me (which actually ended up being true), then I was worried that I wouldn't find someone else. I was also worried that I would never be able to leave the city or get out of my mom's place.
All of these things ended up not being true. I can recognize that things just seem to always work out for me, even when they probably shouldn't have. But that feeling of hopelessness is still a pervasive force in my life.
I'm making plans on learning some new skills and moving out of the state I'm currently in to try and get a fresh start and hopefully have a better life. And I think I know on some level that things will probably work out for me. I can be a hard worker when I want to be and I think if I work hard enough I'll pick up the material well enough to get a new job.
But I still feel hopeless. That things still won't change and I'll just be miserable in a different state. That I'll never get over my ex, that I won't find someone as good as or better than he was (which I know isn't true). That I'm going to have to live like this for the rest of my life and I'll always just be coping with being alive.
I hate being alive. I hate dealing with impostor syndrome. I hate being in this city. I hate that I feel trapped by the golden handcuffs that is my job. I'm tired of constantly being anxious and hopeless.
I still have some things I have to try before I'm ready to ctb. Or at least before I'm ready to force myself to ctb. But I feel like this is all pointless. And I'm just forcing myself to suffer because I'm too scared to do what needs to be done.
Are there any medications that helped anyone who was in a similar circumstance? Is there some kind of therapy I should consider trying?
I've been on Prozac and Wellbutrin for a few months now. Both for different reasons. The Wellbutrin is to help with the constant exhaustion that was so great it made it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. And the Prozac is to help with my mood, specifically the constant anger.
But throughout my entire time taking meds and trying a few therapists here and there I was/ still am full of hopelessness and despair. And crying /feeling the urge to cry is still a pretty regular occurrence.
What I'm hopeless about changes from year to year, but the hopelessness is always there. I was hopeless because I thought I wouldn't be able to get a good paying job I could actually tolerate being at, then I was worried I'd never get a boyfriend, then I was worried that he would leave me (which actually ended up being true), then I was worried that I wouldn't find someone else. I was also worried that I would never be able to leave the city or get out of my mom's place.
All of these things ended up not being true. I can recognize that things just seem to always work out for me, even when they probably shouldn't have. But that feeling of hopelessness is still a pervasive force in my life.
I'm making plans on learning some new skills and moving out of the state I'm currently in to try and get a fresh start and hopefully have a better life. And I think I know on some level that things will probably work out for me. I can be a hard worker when I want to be and I think if I work hard enough I'll pick up the material well enough to get a new job.
But I still feel hopeless. That things still won't change and I'll just be miserable in a different state. That I'll never get over my ex, that I won't find someone as good as or better than he was (which I know isn't true). That I'm going to have to live like this for the rest of my life and I'll always just be coping with being alive.
I hate being alive. I hate dealing with impostor syndrome. I hate being in this city. I hate that I feel trapped by the golden handcuffs that is my job. I'm tired of constantly being anxious and hopeless.
I still have some things I have to try before I'm ready to ctb. Or at least before I'm ready to force myself to ctb. But I feel like this is all pointless. And I'm just forcing myself to suffer because I'm too scared to do what needs to be done.
Are there any medications that helped anyone who was in a similar circumstance? Is there some kind of therapy I should consider trying?
