Discussion does the thought of ctb make you upset or does it comfort you

[chopinkms]

I'm asking myself this question right now.

To be frank, I'm somebody that likes balance and thinks that balance is essential - this stems into my mental health and performance :")

For example, at times I'm most productive and seemingly happy, I could be suffering from an eating disorder or self harm and nobody would know because I'd be content with the balance of negative and positive.

To me, CTB is the ultimate balance that ironically keeps me going, and I'm sure I've heard many stories of people who are planning to CTB soon becoming "happy" or even giving gifts and seeing loved ones (before they go) etc, so I'm curious:

does the thought of your suicide make you miserable or at peace?

 

[Stick]

It varies sometimes. The thought of a successful ctb makes me very happy, and ironically helps me get through living. But the thought of how my mood might change once I attempt it scares me. I'd say overall it makes me happy, though.

 

[Ghost2211]

Neither anymore. It just feels normal now.

 

[chopinkms]

It varies sometimes. The thought of a successful ctb makes me very happy, and ironically helps me get through living. But the thought of how my mood might change once I attempt it scares me. I'd say overall it makes me happy, though.

that makes sense. It's almost ideal in a sense - as to not think of the consequences of failure.

 

[Mr2005]

I don't really believe people who say they're really looking forward to it. It's sad. In fact it's tragic and if you were serious I think you'd feel that way too.

 

[BipolarGuy]

Both.
Upsetting that my life has come to this but I'm pleased I have a way out of this.

 

[chopinkms]

I don't really believe people who say they're really looking forward to it. It's sad. In fact it's tragic and if you were serious I think you'd feel that way too.

of course it's tragic. Everything that's lead up to the very decision is terrible no matter how varied that may be for some people. However, when I feel like there's nothing left for me to look back on it's the only thing left I can look forward to.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i'm ambivalent towards it. i'll never truly be comfortable with being dead, but it's something i have to do. i view it as the final task i have to complete.

 

[Lux]

Thinking about ctb makes me feel relaxed. I might just be listening to music and thinking about the peace. I get almost like a high out of it.

 

[LoveMePlease]

Depends sometimes it upsets me cuz I'll miss music but most of the time it comforts me

 

[Mistake of Nature]

The thought of my suicide itself (the act of it) makes me incredibly anxious, but knowing that I will eventually cease to exist and will be dead is very comforting.

 

[deleted]

I don't know why suicide is treated in such a horrible way, the only thing that concerns me about it is if something goes wrong in the middle of the process

 

[ITryHard]

It's interesting that you post this now because my day is coming up soon and I'm greatly upset and anxious. Upset that my once happy and productive life has come to this, and anxious about my method (SN). There was a time when my CTB gave me comfort, but the closer I get, the more scared I become,

 

[I screwed up]

The thought is definitely comforting but committing the act itself and fear of failure makes me very anxious and shit in my pants :(

 

[death137]

I'm with comments who said both (comfort and upset).

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Comforts me. Imagine being alive and knowing that you will live forever. That would be a torture. Like I read somewhere here "If humans were eternal they would spend all their lives trying to find out how to die"

 

[Antigonish]

It comforts me when I'm down

Upsets me when I'm up

Strengthens me when I have resolve

 

[grey_light]

It'll be really comforting for me until I remember that I have people that I love who already have their own depression. Then I'll feel guilty

 

[purplesmoothie]

I have mixed feelings. Death is inevitable, so that part kind of just is. I'm not looking forward to dying itself however. And I'm sad that life itself wasn't better

 

[WFJ74]

I used to be upset by the constant thoughts but now that I have the materials for three different CTB methods right here i'm comforted knowing I can go at any time via CO, SN or night-night.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Both but more upset. For many years I had looked at CTB in a positive light but for the first time I see it in a much more negative perspective. I guess it's because I didn't expect for it to come this soon and I had a lot left undone. I thought "why does living in the moment matter if it'll be lost forever?" I thought more about my future than I did my present. I didn't "get it" until shortly before becoming suicidal. I was trying to "live in the moment" when I was younger but not in the way that I truly wanted. I expected there'd be more but really all I am left with is soul-crushing disappointment because I felt so close to getting what I wanted.

 

[sadworld]

makes me excited

 

[rt1989526]

It's the only hope I have

 

[TooConscious]

Both, comfort hope that there's an escape. Upset Anger that I'm here to have to think about it.

 

[MariV]

it definitely conforts me. away with all the pain. of i dont do it right now is only for my mother

 

[Superdeterminist]

Both really. It's comforting to know that there's at least an escape from hell. But on the other hand, it's tragic that life beats down some people so badly that they should want to resort to ctb in the first place, and how painful/undignified most cases are.

 

[muffin222]

It depends on the day

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

The thought of ctb doesn't bring me peace, on the contrary. It makes me excited with bliss.

I feel a pleasant tingling sensation all over my body, it conjures an ecstatic smile on my face.

I only find peace after the ctb, but then endless peace.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

very mixed emotions on this. i don't know how someone can have only one emotion about their death

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. Thinking of ctbing makes me excited. That's why I love being here. I find comfort feeling suicidal with suicidal people.