That's what holds me back the most from CTBing even though I have everything planned out and ready to do it at just about any time now.
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Bitcoin (BTC):Ethereum (ETH):Monero (XMR):My Dad is the last person I think it would really affect. It's the major thing keeping me here. It's hard to know how I'll feel when he's gone. I worry that fear will still hold me back after that. Still, I suspect it will then be a competition of what scares me most- continuing to live or, trying to die.Upvote 0
ijustwishtodie
I have finally found my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 5,795
Not at all. My desire for freedom and peace far outweighs than how they would feel if I died. Firstly, I'm the main character in my life as I see life from my perspective hence I value myself more than I value others. Secondly, if my parents didn't want to deal with grief, they shouldn't have gave birth to a child in the first placeUpvote 1
EternalSummer
Experienced
- Nov 13, 2020
- 275
Yep, by far the main reason. I know it will ruin my mother and dad lives. I'm trying to make it very clear it's not their fault in my letter, but I guess they will blame themselves no matter what.
I wanted to CTB this saturday, but the proccess of deleting all social media, writing letters and comteplating the aftermath was too much to handle. This night many nightmares, it was horrible. But I guess I have to be better prepared mentally, is life really worth living to keep them happy? I don't know, they have sacrificed so much for me, sometimes I think that would be my way of giving back somehow.Upvote 0A little bit.
Sometimes I think "I would rather I had this pain than anyone else".
Other times I remember that my parents did something very bad to me, for their own benefit, which caused me to stop valuing my own existence any longer. If they're allowed to do that then I'm allowed to do this.Upvote 0Yes. That's probably the only thing that holds me back at this point.
And I know it sounds like a meme, but for me it's literally - mom would be sad. Only I cannot even imagine how much distress it will cause get. I've been keeping up a front of struggling but getting by for years at this point.Upvote 0
KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,858
It shows that you care about them a lot and don't want to leave them behind, it's very conscientious of you to consider how the people you love would react to such a decision. Despite that I know it must be incredibly painful to grapple with such a dilemma.
To answer the question you posed, I don't really have any loved ones left except my grandmother. When my grandmother passes, I will be right behind her most likely. I feel some guilt because a great deal of my grandmother's relatives and immediate family members have died by suicide throughout her lifetime. My grandma is the only person left in this world that actually cares about me, and I know she doesn't have a long time left either.
I try to endure it for her sake.Upvote 0
crownofcerberus
I'm sorry. I wish to walk among the flowers.
- Jul 15, 2024
- 7
Kind of. The way that I view it is that its selfish of me to CTB and disregard their feelings, but its also selfish of them to want me only here just to suffer further. Not even thinking about them is the best way to go about it.Upvote 0It's what stopped me for years, decades. And having known a lot of people who have CTB'd, like a lot, far too many - I don't think the actual act of CTB is inherently selfish, some people just have to go. But to anyone, anyone at all, can find ways that they're not found by loved ones, DO THAT. People recover quicker from grief than they do from trauma & if there's any way not to inflict it, try & try again. I know someone who found someone in the most gruesome situation & had to deal with the aftermath & twenty years later, they're still traumatised. And the family of people who didn't find them, while they suffered & suffered, it wasn't the picture they saw behind their eyelids for the rest of their lives. It was the other thing that stopped me & when I read a way around it (in a cake recipe book, I repeat, a fucking cake recipe book!!!???), I felt that weight lift too. Not everyone has options & I truly understand that, there's no judgment here. Just if you can, do.Upvote 0I felt the scales tipping for years. Gradually, then suddenly, then past the point of return. Felt a shift when I knew there was no going back. Trying to get my shit together, was supposed to be long gone by now…Is it irony or just shit circumstances that I'm too sick to get some of this organised - like too sick to live, too sick to die, just sitting around waiting for the bus to come to me…???Upvote 0
let.me.let.go87
Meh
- Jul 12, 2024
- 300
That's the only thing that's held me back. I have a couple friends. Like three. That I would hurt. And I don't wanna hurt anyone. But I'm sick of me hurting all the time and putting myself thru hell on behalf of someone else so I'm going thru with my plan :/Upvote 0Similar threads
