Discussion Does suicide taint your memory for loved ones? Do you care?

[prana]

I like the concept of having a "celebration of life" instead of a funeral. Putting a more positive and hopeful spin on the inevitable end of life process for the people who remain. It makes me sad that if I do CTB it will probably be hard to feel and speak positively about me and my life. I imagine it would be hard not to veer off into "I didn't know things were that bad", "I wonder why he did it", "I wish he made a different choice", et cetera. I want my family, especially my mom, to be able to remember and mourn me without wondering if things could have been different. It seems like non-suicides are easier to accept.

I wish there was a way to express that I love my family and I'm grateful for the life I had, even if one day I decide I can't take the pain it comes with anymore. Posing it as an accident probably wouldn't be believable to those who knew me. I could leave a note, but from what I understand those usually raise more questions than answers. Having an open conversation about it before it happens would lead to a 5150.

Does anybody else think about this? I feel like some people assume being suicidal means you don't care about other people or the world you leave behind but for me that just isn't true.

 

[HelpDoesNotExist]

If my life is so horrible I CTB even without the basic mercy of a simple voluntary injection, that SHOULD be available to any adult who wants it in any logical society, than no I don't care.
If my life has shown me that the endless, blank void of nothing oblivion is better than any form of conscious existence simply because I don't have to be aware or awake; because it's that horrible to exist within the body Ive been saddled with, than no.
I'm suffering the most
And if my relatives or the ones who spawned me for no particular good reason decide to kick up a big dramatic fuss about it, that's them deciding to be whiners. Anyone who actually WANTS to live?? They have it easy. And their shallow little imtiations of grief or sadness are only performed to cast more attention to themselves.