does it really matter whether you were born or not?

[eggsausagerice]

my parents don't like me ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡​

i used to think that my parents wanted me because they didn't drop me off somewhere or abort me. now that i'm older i know that the reason they didn't abort me is because they're anti-choice and they just didn't want to feel responsible for abandoning their kid at 6. i might've preferred a foster home to my birth parents, though. i'm too old now. my dad and my mom don't really know how to support me. they don't know what to do with me. i'm 20 years old now and the last kid. it's very hard for me to come up with an actual reason for why i was born besides for my mom's entertainment. i don't think that she's ever liked me when i've done something because i'm a sentient being and not a cute doll. i genuinely want to ask her why i was born if i bring almost no benefit into her life and the only way that i can be seen as a worthwhile human being is if i get a job, a license, and move away from home so that she never has to see me again.

my parents have been acting tired of me for a while. i feel guilty that i still live with them when i could just be dead and they won't have to deal with me anymore. my sister's always been better at things than me while i've never really had the passion to try at anything, so i think that i've always been a failure. i hate how much i disappoint everyone by having no will to do anything. i just think that i should leave things to people that actually know how to do them instead of stupid people like me that just mess everything up. i always seem to embarrass myself because i don't know how to do things that people expect me to do. one time i was trying to help someone build a nightstand from ikea and he told me that i was doing it all wrong. back in my chess club everybody told me that i was moving pieces wrong and didn't like playing with me that much. back in middle school people told me i didn't know how to socialize.

i get scared and worried that everyone is just going to give me that disappointed look or laugh at me because they're incredulous that i don't know how to do something so obvious, and it's just going to keep happening until i die. maybe i just take everything too personally. i don't know. i just know that my parents aren't proud of me for being the person i am right now. if they given an option to live a life where me and my other siblings didn't exist (didn't want them either) with the knowledge of raising us up our twenties, then they would probably pick the life where they got divorced and lived way happier lives. my mom always talks about divorce whenever she gets angry when i honestly want her to do it. it's not like she's losing anything. she's always hated being married to my dad because he never works.

some days it feels like my brain's shutting down because i can't stop thinking about how worthless i feel to everyone. i'm not very helpful at all and i just seem to depress people sometimes. i think of ctb intrusively because i don't want to burden my parents anymore and i don't want people to think i'm stupid or melodramatic anymore. the longer i live the more i seem to disappoint my parents. by that logic, i should've died younger than waited this long to do it. i was cheating throughout all of high school. it's not like my life has been going anywhere. i feel like a slug pretending to be human. i don't know anything about hard work and i'm not grateful for anything i have in my life. i must deserve to die if i don't appreciate anything. isn't that the logic people tell teens when they talk about suicide? i don't care that i was born if my parents find me too burdensome. they wanted someone like them to exist, not someone like me. i'm doing everything wrong.

 

[Pluto]

 

[UnusedGate]

I'm so sorry man.
We're a similar age and I've lived a life full of failures too. Sometimes I think that I was born to be a loser. It is what it is.

Just wanted to say that dont let others persuade you to do things you don't want to. Catching the bus is your choice. I'd argue it's one of the few things people like us have SOME control over.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I wish I were never born

I will never want to live / exist under any circumstances even in what most humans consider a "good" life. Much less in the horrible life they imposed on me

Only eternal Non-existence can guarantee never suffering so badly it's a trillion times worse than you can imagine

Non-existence forever is the only perfection, the ultimate bliss

 

[Vlad Tepes]

I dont wish I was never born. What I wish is that I was born to entirely different parents, in entirely different circumstances, without the many, many physical and mental conditions that I suffer from. That is, I don't believe that life simpliciter is bad, it's just my life that has been utterly horrible. Of course, if I was born under such radically different circumstances, it's debatable whether you could still say that it's "me", but you get the point. Life is beautiful, it's just the lives of people like us that aren't.

 

[kiti0711]

I don't know. this depend upon i parents.but i felt i of existence irrelevant.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It mattered a great deal to my parents to have children so, in that sense, I mattered. Equally though- a different sperm and egg would have created a slightly different child presumably- which I'm sure they would have been just as pleased with. I just wish they could have gotten their wish without involving me. As for the rest of the world, I doubt it would have made an enormous difference whether I had been born or not.

Ultimately, I have a pretty pessimistic view of the human race as a whole to be honest. What have we ever achieved that hasn't either benefited us or, tried desperately to undo the damage we have caused? We're surely by far the most destructive being on this planet. So, in those terms, those people who have gone down in history to advance our race have really only effectively sped up the destruction of the entire planet- with us on it! So- how great is any human achievement ultimately? But then- as I say, I have such a negatively skewed bias!