Help Does it really make sense for me to wait until my mid to late 20s?

[telro]

I've been reading a bunch of posts and comments on SaSu that have concerns about young users CTBing (especially under 25)

Now I personally do fall in the age range of 18-25. I just wonder if it truly meaningful for me to wait until ~25 just to let my prefrontal cortex finish development. My decision to CTB comes from the pain I experience from simply being aware of my own existence which has been haunting me since childhood. I hate waking up to this world every single day with this horrible curse of consciousness.

I just wanted to adress the fear that my decision could be impulsive due to my age. I know that the people in my life would not describe me as an impulsive person. In fact, I often receive praise for my mindfulness and oversight in life by friends, family and even teachers (while I was in school). I've always been the kind of person who takes responsibility and thinks through all the potential consequences before making a decision. I act this way in every area of my life, so I don't see why my decision to CTB should be viewed any differently. I feel that would not be consistent with the kind of person I am. I spent my teens studying diligently, getting good grades, saving money, making friends and I've put a lot of effort into self-care. I've tried getting better, I really have. To be honest, therapy only made me feel worse, so I eventually quit. I've only ever tried one med, but I don't feel like I should be expected to keep trying all the meds out there, often with horrible side effects might I add, in the hopes they will somehow fix the problems I have with existence not being a desirable experience to begin with. Trying other meds would at best give me complacency, which is a fate that I don't have any aspiration for. I can definitely see meds helping against my anxiety and panic attacks as those are irrational, but my decision to CTB is not comparable nor is it significantly related to those pains. How many hours of therapy and how many meds would I have to try for it to be okay for me to CTB?

Am I expected to put even more effort into fixing my depression and anxiety? It's not like I've done nothing while growing up and entering adulthood. I put effort into making my life worth living. From an outside perspective, my life is going wonderfully. My transition from school into university also went quite well apart from some registration issues that made the semester extra hard, but that's a minor issue for me. Academically, I'm sure I could get through life just fine and healthy and would probably also have no issue on the job market after graduation. Yet again, that objective positive outlook doesn't negate the pain I feel on a daily basis. Even now, where I have planned to CTB soon, I still do my daily skincare routine and take care of myself. I genuinely do not believe I am being irrational here with my will to kill myself, but maybe some people on here may want to argue that I really should wait for my brain to complete development and I'm willing to listen to those arguments.

People may want to know about my relationship status because that is a valid question to have when contemplating whether my decision is impulsive and irrational or not. I have not dated in my entire life and I have never had a desire to date in my entire life. Either I'm aromantic and asexual or my romantic and sexual drives are very weak. All of this does not bother me in the slightest and would not be a hinderance for a happy life. I am experiencing no overwhelming desire to enter a relationship, heartbreak or relationship issue that could be driving me to CTB impulsively.

Some things to note are that my feelings on wanting to CTB have not changed for a very long time. Nothing has happend in my life where I fear that my desire to CTB could be an impulsive one that might change in my mid to late 20s as my brain finalizes development. My suffering now is very real and has been real for a very long time and the thought of having to wait just on the off chance that this lifelong issue will change seems terrifying considering how hard it is to keep going in this life. Even just 1 year would mean so much extra pain and suffering that I feel I could finally be free from after so, so long...

 

[FuneralCry]

You have the right to exit this world exactly when you want to, nobody is obligated to delay the inevitable and suffer so unnecessarily, it's up to you when to leave. The pro-lifers on this site are just blinded by their delusional beliefs, it just makes them feel better about themselves invalidating other people's wish to die and being insensitive, it's absurd to wish to gatekeep suicide because of age.

Like don't let those pro-lifers brainwash you, your feelings are valid, they cannot experience existence in the same way as you, I think that suicide is rational no matter what, the true irrational thing is wishing to be trapped in this harmful world that is filled with endless risks and potential for harm. We are all going to die anyway, and in death everything will be forgotten about, so it's completely up to the individual when to end this futile, meaningless existence.
But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Worndown]

You go when you need to go. Thinking about it and knowing you are ready are two different things.
Visit the forums, engage in conversation, vent! It is what we do here. I found more people find a way to live than find a way to die.
Welcome. I hope whatever you find here helps you.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I read your words thoroughly and they make me very sad and first of all I fully respect your decisions. This made me think of the time when I was in that age 18-25, which was decades ago. Many others and myself had nothing in mind but going out, having party, going to the next one and the next afterhour, sometimes weekends started already on Wednesdays and ended Monday morning. None of us ever had such disturbing thoughts or was depressed. It really looks like the world out there turned into an even more cruel and hostile world, affecting so many young people in a negative way. That makes me truly sad.

Regarding your CTB plans: You will know from your own feelings when the time has come and it's not wrong to have an exit plan ready should circumstances make this step necessary.

All best wishes for a bright future!