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How do you feel when your ideation is 'blamed' on 'mental illness'?

  • It helps me

  • I resent it

  • Unsure


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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
7,657
I find this topic interesting. I wonder if some people find a sort of comfort in the idea that their ideation has developed as a result of mental illness. I know a lot of people's hackles are rising at that idea because I also appreciate that it has the opposite effect- 'I don't have a mental illness- my thoughts are rational' etc.

I COMPLETELY understand why this is such a contentious issue because labelling ideation as mental illness tends to strip that person of their autonomy quite a lot of the time. I want to think of it more on a personal level though- rather than what society then tends to do with that assertion- ie. incarcerates people against their will etc.

I wonder if it depends on how we feel about our ideation. For some people- it is more welcome than others I would say. For those people who are truly disturbed by their thoughts- I imagine that in some way- it may be a comfort to believe that it is illness that is making them think that way- a type of imposter idea rather than their own desire.

I also imagine when it comes to recovery- it is useful to see those ideas as being 'outside of me'- or, even better- attribute them to an 'illness' that HOPEFULLY has a cure.

It's interesting that you get VERY powerful ideas from both sides- some people insisting that mental illness doesn't exist (because I suspect they don't like the label and what tends to happen when you get given that label.) And others- who sternly (and understandably) stand behind their diagnosis- likely I imagine because of how much harder their illness has made life for them. I can understand both sides of the argument.

I remember I worked with a lady who openly said she suffered from depression. We once chatted and she asked: 'do you want to kill yourself?' It was actually really refreshing to just be able to say 'yes' and know it would go no further because she felt the same.

Anyhow- the interesting part was she then said something along the lines of- 'These ideas aren't your fault- it's how our brains are wired- low serotonin levels etc.' I have a feeling that's been debunked now but I find the idea interesting- 'not your fault'- not even your responsibilty maybe?

I think for people who have mixed feelings about suicide- for whatever reason- religion, upbringing, sense of duty to those around them- there CAN be a feeling of shame, guilt- even fear in having these thoughts.

So again- I wonder if distancing yourself from them helps in also experiencing less of a personal feeling of blame etc. So- it's the 'illness' making me feel and behave in this way- it's not my fault- maybe to some extent- not even my choosing. SOME people would indeed prefer not to have suicidal thoughts I imagine. Some people recognise that they ARE depressed and they desperately don't want to be.

I have mixed feelings really. It kind of depends on whether I think 'recovery' is worth a shot. I feel trapped here until my Dad goes regardless- so a part of me wonders whether I should put in the fight to make things better. In which case- it helps to see my ideation as a product of my history and likely a longterm mild depression.

Just like- recognising that I am prone to limerance makes me VERY wary of myself when I start to find myself getting giddy and obsessing over some guy. Knowing that I am also prone to binge eating makes me wary around certain foods. Knowing that I have social anxiety means that I brace myself for social events because I know they are likely to make me feel awful.

Still- there's also a part of me that does think I likely don't have THAT much mental illness about me. Not to a debhilitating point anyhow. And like a lot of people here- I hate it when it is just used as an excuse after a suicide- 'they were mentally ill or depressed- they weren't thinking clearly.'

Anyhow- what are your feelings? I suppose in a way there are two sets of feelings- those you have when you are being challenged by pro-lifers- ie. 'You're just thinking this way because of your illness'. And maybe also those that you feel privately- 'I wonder if it is a change in how my brain is working that is making me feel like this.'
 
Darkover

Darkover

Illuminated
Jul 29, 2021
3,818
i became depressed due to a relationship breakup at 18 and thought of killing my self to end the pain
but that only lead to more pain knowing that we are nothing forever the mental anguish caused by that is extreme
especially because you want to live but are facing certain death then to top it all of are the negative thoughts thinking you'll never have sex again that only leads to more pain and a self fulfilling prophecy i sincerely believe that i wouldn't of developed schizophrenia if we had stayed together
 
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TheTranstarEngineer

TheTranstarEngineer

Possibly high
Mar 2, 2023
28
It's interesting to think about, on one hand I only became suicidal after becoming mentally ill, but on another that's simply not a thing I found myself thinking about.
 
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SilentSadness

SilentSadness

Suffering.
Feb 28, 2023
925
There is nothing irrational about suicide. It's frustrating to me when rational thinking is regarded as mental illness, as it prevents anything from changing. The truth is that there is no reason to think of it as mental illness; there's no reason why wanting to live even at the expense of others shouldn't be regarded as a mental illness as well. I have wanted to die for a long time and I don't see it changing if my depression is cured; mental illness makes suicidal ideation stronger but it isn't the cause. Regarding suicide as mental illness is the main reason why it has such a huge stigma which means you have to hide all the time even when you've done nothing wrong.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
34,332
I personally see it as being very insulting when all suicidal people are dismissed as being "mentally ill" and "irrational". I think that the type of people who do that are ignorant pro lifers who wish to deny people the right to die. The reality is that wanting suicide can be a perfectly rational response to existing in this world, I believe that existence could never be worth enduring and that to not exist is always preferable. We are all destined to die anyway so to me it makes sense to prevent unnecessary suffering.
 
C

chloramine

Arcanist
Apr 18, 2022
498
It aggravates me when it's used as a way to say someone isn't rational. I think mental illness is one factor that shapes our environment, which can lead to wanting to die. It's treated as a lie that your brain is telling you though which. If someone has chronic physical pain and they want to die because it's this constant suffering people are less likely to label that as their brain lying to them.

Just because pain and suffering are mental instead of physical doesn't make them unreal or some kind of trick. It doesn't mean they've taken over your brain and are making your decisions irrational. I think they can cause our brain to feed us wrong information (from the extremes of intense paranoia or hallucinations to the more common thinking people are judging you for something minor) which then informs our actions. But that also doesn't make the experience of those less real and if someone is unwilling or unable to live with or change those things then it's still not fair to label them as irrational.

I personally see the issue of which causes which to be less as "depression is lying about your wanting to die" and more as "your depression is causing you sufficient pain for you to want to die to escape it".
 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
7,657
I personally see it as being very insulting when all suicidal people are dismissed as being "mentally ill" and "irrational". I think that the type of people who do that are ignorant pro lifers who wish to deny people the right to die. The reality is that wanting suicide can be a perfectly rational response to existing in this world, I believe that existence could never be worth enduring and that to not exist is always preferable. We are all destined to die anyway so to me it makes sense to prevent unnecessary suffering.

I do agree with you. Unfortunately- the label of 'mental illness' tends to be weaponised by pro-lifers- as in- it tends to be used to insist that the person is no longer capable of thinking logically.

I think perhaps ideas are VERY slowly being challenged- ie. Someone who is suicidal isn't necessarily mentally ill and someone who is mentally ill CAN I imagine quite often rationalise their thoughts.

Also- EVEN if someone does attribute their ideation to a mental disorder- that surely shouldn't mean that they are disqualified for assisted suicide. Quite the opposite actually- if they appear to be treatment resistant- I imagine they actually have more chances of being granted it.

Herein lies the problem I suppose though- whether it be physical/ mental illness or other factors- I imagine these facilities will want a long back history of tried and failed treatments. I'm not so convinced we'll see the day when they let people die because they simply don't like life (unfortunately.)

If I'm honest- I would imagine the majority of people on this site would be diagnosed with mild depression at an absolute minimum if they saw their GP today. I don't really know if I would agree with this or not. Seeing as I'm not medical- I don't REALLY know how our brains work. More disturbingly though- I'm not convinced that they do either! A questionnaire seems like quite a weird way of diagnosing something to me. Plus- I also have to agree with your outlook on life- WHY would someone feel happy about living in this world? WHY is it abnormal to not enjoy life?
 
theboy

theboy

Visionary
Jul 15, 2022
2,849
I have a "comfort" in knowing that my way of life is due to illness. However, I know that it is society that dictates what is rational and what is not rational. Basically, our human nature is one of effort, encouragement to keep going and to face obstacles. It is for this reason that not wanting to live is considered irrational.
 
voidweller

voidweller

she/they/it
Feb 10, 2023
199
im of two minds on this, so i put 'unsure'

on one hand, my depression and disability is a major contributor to my suffering and why i feel it can be impossible to continue living

on the other hand, its more complicated and i have other reasons for wanting to ctb. im sympathetic to antipsychiatry, i kinda see 'mental health' as a pro-life lie designed to sell as much psychiatric medication and bs therapy as possible while sucking ppl dry with medical bills. i dont think i just innately have depression bc my brain is defective or something, i think i suffer bc this world is cruel and awful. i dont consider myself 'disordered' as my diagnosed 'disorders' would suggest--im injured and traumatized. but also i view existence itself as inherently suffering, or at least inevitably leads to suffering, and my main reason for wanting to ctb is to escape existence itself. that goes way deeper than just 'mental illness'
 
SexyIncél

SexyIncél

🍭my lollipop brings the feminists to my candyshop
Aug 16, 2022
1,458
Tricky subject. I chose Unsure. What does "mental" mean?

Minds emerge from brains. People often confuse them, but minds sit atop brains. And psychology emerges from both minds and society

So things on different levels can cause suicidal ideations: biological, social, psychological. A serious mind-hacker would investigate these different levels

Calling someone "irrational" is just calling them crazy. I mean, real rationality is a very low bar: can you make basic logical connections? Can you assess reality in basically a non-delusionary way?

Let's talk about physical sickness. I'm sure there's times and places where physical sickness was seen as a symptom of madness or moral deficiency. But it turns out that everyone gets sick once in a while. A majority of a society's population can be ill: stress, eating unhealthy, little opportunity to exert your body. Stuck in roles they hate. Same with mental illness. I think most people are mentally ill. They get punished when exerting their minds
 
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voidweller

voidweller

she/they/it
Feb 10, 2023
199
it is society that dictates what is rational and what is not rational
this is fascinating, and i agree. 'rational' and 'irrational' are kind of meaningless imo. if anything, i embrace the 'irrational'. thats why i dont try to argue that suicide has to be 'rational' to be justified, it can be 'irrational' too and that is equally valid
 
unnormal9

unnormal9

SOLDIER T.
Apr 12, 2023
1,139
No, I do not blame anything for it; I deserve it because I'm not normal. I am trying to seek my own way out of this chronic pain I've endured.
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
7,657
No, I do not blame anything for it; I deserve it because I'm not normal. I am trying to seek my own way out of this chronic pain I've endured.
I don't think anyone deserves to suffer- unless I suppose they've knowingly done something awful. Still- I don't see it as being our 'fault' if we're 'not normal.' Surely- to an extent, we are the product of our genes and environment.
 
Ultracheese

Ultracheese

Arcanist
Dec 1, 2022
488
I have a LOT of mental disorders, and I honestly don't know what came first, the mental illnesses or suicidal idealizations. I wonder constantly if I would still be suicidal if I hadn't gone through trauma or if I'm just a naturally morose person. I don't know if I "blame" my feelings on mental illness per se, rather I just see the potential cause and effect they may have had. For me, it's all linked back to trauma more than anything else.
 
borderline-feline

borderline-feline

Constantly Sleepy Catgirl
Dec 28, 2022
642
I hate it because people close to me have repeatedly used my depression misdiagnosis (which I got removed from my record recently) to try and tell me that I can't have a rational desire to die or that I don't know what I'm capable of. It's used against me in a way that insists that I'm capable of recovering, so it always pisses me off since I know that I'll never be capable of recovering. I don't even want to recover in the first place.
 
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hellispink

hellispink

poisonous
May 26, 2022
1,230
My mental illness does make me a horrible person. But I don't blame it entirely it on it. I am responsible for my own actions mistakes decisions i have made, all have been wrong and these are the consequences. It influenced mental health yes but at the end we all choose some stuff too
 
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D

dogato

Member
Apr 27, 2023
8
Only suffering will lead you to suicide, be it physically or mentally. So yes, I think there is always a source of suffering to blame. As long as its inevitable and unchangeable - which of course is a source of discussion of its own (if its unchangeable).

It doesn't matter if you suffer because you are a slave, have unbearable hurt because of physical illness or you have unbearable psychical "hurt" because of mental illness or because of being the way you are.

There is always a source behind the wish to die that won't be there if everything with you and your body/brain would be ok.
 
S

SoftWorries

Specialist
Feb 22, 2023
332
My suicidal feelings are directly the cause of having PTSD from viewing violent deaths. I was not unwell before and had never once felt suicidal.

I used to have survivor's guilt, insomnia, hallucinations, hearing voices, fear of going outside, constant nightmares etc. For years I was in terrible shape from the PTSD I didn't consider suicide.

Now that I live a relatively functional life when my PTSD flares up multiple times a month I feel unable to contend with the horror anymore. My life is constant regulation to keep my anxiety down so I don't start experiencing a dreamlike terror while I'm awake.

So yes I blame everything on my mental illness.
 
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J

jorheslen428

Member
May 4, 2023
90
I was ok with the idea of being labeled as having a mental illness (depression), until it became clear that therapy and psychiatry had nothing to offer me. What is the point of being labeled as having an illness if there is no viable treatment option?

The idea of me being "sick" or mentally ill is now slightly infuriating to me. I don't want to be viewed or treated differently because of it, and it brings no benefit to me. I've always viewed suicide as a reasonable solution to prolonged suffering, but that did correlate with the onset of my first major depressive episode.
 
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D

dogato

Member
Apr 27, 2023
8
In my case I can rationaly argue suicide to me, even though most people wont understand because in comparioson to other people it seems unreasonable.

BUT my wish for suicide is definitely coming from major depression, so yes I absolutely blame my mental illness for the wish to die.

Why can I be so sure about this? Because 2 weeks ago my wish and urge to suizide was sooo strong that I couln't bear it. Only after I definitely decided to suizide and had found a method I thought I could archive the urge got bearable. I felt, that it couln't go fast enough but I had to get some things first that took their time.

And one last part is still missing even though it should have arrived some days before. I had already planned everything in my head and also the day & time. But this last missing part wasn't comming in time.

And now, that a change in medication from 10 days ago has kicked in its completely gone. At least for the moment. Don't know if it will come back, but the difference between two weeks ago and today is 1000:1. I would be dead (or only braindead?) by now if this last part had come on time, so I am not sure if this was only coincidence or fortuity.

On the other hand I am a little sad that I passed this chance to end it, because - see first sentence...

So my quintessence is, that mental illness CAN be the source of the wish to die - even though if you dig deeper, the SOURCE of the major depression is the true ursurper...
And this way you could argue that the source of the major depression (being the way you are, being in the circumstances you are in,...) is to blame. Which I often do.
 
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