NSFW Does it ever get easier?

[AlexIsTheBigDepress]

A while back, the closest person in my life, whom I'd sat awake with a full night talking them out of their suicidal state, who I'd comforted and talked with for countless hours, who I'd shared my trauma, my hope, everything with, left.

I was told that there were more important things in their life than me, but that they hoped we could talk again. Then they left. This happened while I was already in a pit mentally, and obviously didn't help. I understand that I am really not important, I just wish our friendship meant more to them, and that they'd have waited until I wasn't already a mess, but oh well.

Every time I go a place that I shared with them I remember and it hurts, I'll find myself borderline to disassociation, sometimes while hiking or walking, other times I'll snap myself out of it while driving.

My Christmas was spent thinking about them, my birthday was spent hoping they'd choose to message, even if just to say hi before they left again.



My question to anyone who understands any of this, does it get easier? Does that ache of loss go away? This happened last December, and it still hurts.

 

[Ash]

The ache stays but it does fade. Also, you start to fill the space around it so that space starts to expand, if that makes sense?

 

[AlexIsTheBigDepress]

The ache stays but it does fade. Also, you start to fill the space around it so that space starts to expand, if that makes sense?

I wish I were filling the void with things worth while, but I've self isolated enough out of fear of further abandonment that what few friends I had left have been pushed away.

Mostly filling that void with alcohol to be honest.



I feel like the ache has faded some, but that could be in part that I try not to think about her, I try not to think about the situation. Its not bad until I start to disassociate, and that's the only thing on my mind.




i hope it fades more. stay safe, and ty <3

 

[Ash]

Only thing I can suggest is to try being in the moment while you're out hiking or walking. Experience the weather and the view and the ground and rocks and surface under your feet. Stop and take photos and really focus (bad photographer's pun: I won't apologise) on setting up that shot. What species of trees and flowers and birds are around you? Are you lucky enough to spot any mammals and reptiles? Or maybe just tracks and other signs that they were around hours or days earlier? Take photos of the things you can't identify and research them when you get home. Edit and faff around with your photos and be proud of yourself. Share them here. I think there's a thread in the off topic section.

Fill the void with all that rather than booze. Or at least put off the moment when you'll open the bottle.

Or do something completely new and different.

You're obviously kind and compassionate. Use some of that on yourself. :)

 

[Little_Suzy]

Things will become easier once you stop trauma bonding. Never dump your trauma on family, friends, or partners—they are not therapists.

Given the risk of chronic unemployment and disability, only one partner should have a mental illness. A healthy person keeps the relationship financially and socially stable.

Stop romanticizing mental illness—who pays the bills? lol

 

[moshimoshi]

I relate to this so so much. I really understand that feeling. I know how unbearable the heartache can be, I'm so sorry That's very similar to what happened to me a couple of months ago with my two best friends that I have known since kindergarten. One of them said that they hope they could talk to me again sometime in future and then basically said that I'm not important to them anymore, and that they didn't want to be my friend anymore. And then the other one ended our friendship in the middle of me crying and in a suicidal crisis, I wish they would have just waited at least until I was done sobbing. So I completely understand you wishing they would have waited for you to be out of a pit mentally first, and wishing the friendship meant more to them. As for if it gets easier, I feel like it's complicated. I think it gets easier then harder then easier then harder then easier, etc. I think a good thing to do is when you're at the easier points, to prepare yourself for when the loss weighs heavier on your heart again. It's hard because I know a lot of things probably remind you of her. For me, I see them in the tv shows I watch, the music I listen to, the people passing by on the street, they keep digging their way into my heart and my thoughts. I think as the years go by it will get easier, just know it's not your fault. I'm sure you're an amazing person, who deserves to have beautiful friendships, and I hope you will find them someday everything will be okay :)

 

[terra.nuvo]

From my experience, although the pain doesn't really go away, you learn to live with it and keep going on. I'm still in the process of letting go of someone who left me last year around this time and its a struggle. But the pain also does dull a bit with time. I just try to remember that the friendship wasn't all unicorns and rainbows. It had its rough moments that defined it and ultimately caused it to shatter. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know it can be hell.

 

[Ambivalent1]