Does it ever feel surreal?

[sephlove]

As death approaches near, it seems almost unreal. I am going about some of my last days in totally mundane and ordinary activities, when the abyss and unknown lurk just around the corner. I know many people imagine death as nothingness, but for me I cannot even perceive what the notion of nothing is. Even the pitch black and zero hold weight to something.

Instead, I like to imagine as I close my eyes they awaken to a valley of greens, love, and another brighter and happier life. Free of pain. I'll be home at last.

 

[tonygw]

Sometimes when I really feel suicidal, I start to have more deep feelings about the world around me and feel wiser and smarter. Oddly enough the more I want to die the more world seems real to me

 

[Endeavour]

Believe whichever makes you feel most comfortable, I think that's the only way to get over that final hurdle.

 

[sephlove]

Sometimes when I really feel suicidal, I start to have more deep feelings about the world around me and feel wiser and smarter. Oddly enough the more I want to die the more world seems real to me

Great point. I've been feeling both, at different times. The realness hits me at times with a ton of breaks at times.

 

[tonygw]

Great point. I've been feeling both, at different times. The realness hits me at times with a ton of breaks at times.

The world is so cruel and sad and yet so beautiful. In these moments I feel the two sides merging together. It is good for me to be understood, thank you

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I feel the same way a lot of the time. I see others speak about the future, their hopes, dreams, and plans, and I listen to the person I love telling me how things are going to get better and that I should focus on the here and now because we are together and he loves me, and there is such a surreal poignant tragedy to it all.

The world around me seems unwilling to accept my fate. They talk about the future as if I would be around to witness these events, unknowing that I am planning my ctb as we speak. I am determined to get that bus ticket and take my final ride into that sweet night. It will be bittersweet though, because like you all, I have become more in tune with both the beautiful and the gruesome sides of life since I made my decision to leave it behind.

I've made good friends, mostly online, that I will cherish until my final moments, even the ones who are no longer around. I have felt love and care, just as easily as I have lost it. I have had the chance to explore a bit of the world and experience living in different countries. I have learned many things and gotten to study a lot of interesting science as well as language and philosophy.

So getting to do most of those things before I became very ill was quite lucky, I think. I can only wish that assisted dying was legal and I could spend my final moments with my partner before I receive euthanasia, my last days not spent in secrecy and suffering, but being ensconced in love, good food, and honest sentiments.

Sadly, that will not happen during my lifetime, and I'll have to die scared and alone in a hotel, not getting to experience those things that I love one last time.

 

[neverever]

As death approaches near, it seems almost unreal. I am going about some of my last days in totally mundane and ordinary activities, when the abyss and unknown lurk just around the corner. I know many people imagine death as nothingness, but for me I cannot even perceive what the notion of nothing is. Even the pitch black and zero hold weight to something.

Instead, I like to imagine as I close my eyes they awaken to a valley of greens, love, and another brighter and happier life. Free of pain. I'll be home at last.

That is a beautiful image. I agree with @Endeavour that it is beneficial to believe whichever makes you more comfortable.

I feel the same way a lot of the time. I see others speak about the future, their hopes, dreams, and plans, and I listen to the person I love telling me how things are going to get better and that I should focus on the here and now because we are together and he loves me, and there is such a surreal poignant tragedy to it all.

The world around me seems unwilling to accept my fate. They talk about the future as if I would be around to witness these events, unknowing that I am planning my ctb as we speak. I am determined to get that bus ticket and take my final ride into that sweet night. It will be bittersweet though, because like you all, I have become more in tune with both the beautiful and the gruesome sides of life since I made my decision to leave it behind.

I've made good friends, mostly online, that I will cherish until my final moments, even the ones who are no longer around. I have felt love and care, just as easily as I have lost it. I have had the chance to explore a bit of the world and experience living in different countries. I have learned many things and gotten to study a lot of interesting science as well as language and philosophy.

So getting to do most of those things before I became very ill was quite lucky, I think. I can only wish that assisted dying was legal and I could spend my final moments with my partner before I receive euthanasia, my last days not spent in secrecy and suffering, but being ensconced in love, good food, and honest sentiments.

Sadly, that will not happen during my lifetime, and I'll have to die scared and alone in a hotel, not getting to experience those things that I love one last time.

This resonates strongly with me. I too wish that assisted dying were legal so that we could be comfortable and comforted as we pass away.

 

[oneanonymous]

Definitely, and in many ways. Earlier this year it was really hitting hard. Especially when I was around people, acting totally normal. It was such a strange thing to me. It was like what I could only imagine a psychic would feel if they knew what was going to happen but they kept it to themselves. One morning, when (at the time) I only had a week left, I went outside and touched everything.. the trees, plants, took my shoes off and walked on the grass, etc. I was really in the moment, and I was looking and feeling the earth in a way I never did (and I'm a nature lover).. really taking it in and appreciating it. It was very surreal, since I thought it was going to be the last time.

 

[WornOutLife]

I feel less real this reality day by day. I think we're either in a simulation or simply after death, there's nothing.

 

[NodusTollens]

As death approaches near, it seems almost unreal. I am going about some of my last days in totally mundane and ordinary activities, when the abyss and unknown lurk just around the corner. I know many people imagine death as nothingness, but for me I cannot even perceive what the notion of nothing is. Even the pitch black and zero hold weight to something.

Instead, I like to imagine as I close my eyes they awaken to a valley of greens, love, and another brighter and happier life. Free of pain. I'll be home at last.

—hugs—
You're right about that, it does start to feel surreal. Like time slows around you & you can see life for what it is. [Movie Reference: Matrix, when Neo stops the bullets, then proceeds to analyze one before the rest fall to the ground]

I found as I neared my dates (past attempts) that I would enter a near dissociative state. I was so present in the moment, yet removed from the consequences of my actions. I was at peace with the potential of ceasing to exist.