Hearing about cruelty and evil in general makes me more suicidal. I did not start out with a high opinion of the human species, and yet over the past few years it has somehow managed to consistently disappoint me. There's a line from "Fight Club," I think, about how this guy was at the lowest point he'd ever been, and yet every day got worse for him. So he says, "That means that every day you see me, it's the worst day of my life." It's pretty much been that, only it's more specifically my loathing of people.
It turns out there's a term for the pain you feel when you're surrounded by idiots, sociopaths, and bullies, and nobody does anything about it because solutions are hard, and it turns out you can discharge your ethical obligations to society by just putting a filter on your FB profile pic a few times a year. It's called "moral trauma." They used to think it was only relevant for soldiers who'd been in combat, where their orders were something like "shoot anyone who comes out of that building," and then the first person who comes out is an 8-year-old kid or something. But it turns out you don't need to be literally eligible for combat pay to live in a post-sanity world where every choice in front of you is hideous. Like who do I vote for in this election, the crazy old rapist who wants to Thanos snap the country he nominally leads, or the senile old rapist who wants to Thanos snap every fledgling democracy in the Western Hemisphere? That's not even Coke evil vs Pepsi evil. It's like Diet Coke evil vs Coke Zero evil. They actually had the balls to put half in a different-looking can so they can sell the same shit to us twice.
That's the bs that makes me want to kill myself. Probably the rest of humanity too. Literally fantasizing about a universe in which I have an infinity gauntlet too, and Thanos and I just high-five each other again and again until every sentient being in the universe has turned to ash. Better get the smarter non-sentient ones too, in case they get it in their heads to start evolving.
