Discussion does having bpd make someone a bad person?

[aesthetic]

i had a conversation recently that stuck with me. it started with a simple but painful question: "am i a bad person?"

it's a question many people quietly ask themselves, especially people who struggle with their mental health. for some, the question becomes even heavier when they are diagnosed with something that carries a lot of stigma, like borderline personality disorder.

one of the things people with bpd often hear is that they are manipulative. not that they sometimes struggle with certain behaviors, but that they are manipulative, as if the diagnosis defines their character. when people hear this often enough, it's not surprising that they begin to wonder whether it means they're fundamentally a bad person.

but bpd is not a moral failure. it's a mental health condition that is often linked to intense emotions, a deep fear of abandonment, and difficulties with emotional regulation. many people with bpd experience feelings with a level of intensity that can be overwhelming, both for them and sometimes for the people around them.

behaviors that come from fear, panic, or emotional overload can easily be interpreted as manipulation. from the outside, it may look like someone is trying to control a situation. from the inside, it often feels like someone is trying desperately to cope with emotions that feel impossible to hold.

what makes it even more painful is when the harshest judgments come from people who struggle with mental health themselves. you would expect empathy from people who know what it feels like to be misunderstood. when those same people repeat the same stereotypes, it can feel like a betrayal.

hearing those things repeatedly can make someone question their own character. it can make them wonder whether the diagnosis has somehow turned them into a bad person.

but having a mental health condition does not determine someone's morality. a diagnosis describes patterns of experience and behavior. it does not define whether someone is kind, caring, or worthy of respect.

people with bpd can be deeply empathetic, sensitive to the emotions of others, and capable of enormous compassion. many of them spend a great deal of time reflecting on themselves and trying to understand their reactions better. that kind of self-awareness is not the mark of a bad person.

mental illness can explain certain behaviors, but it does not erase someone's humanity. people can take responsibility for their actions while still deserving understanding and compassion. growth and empathy can exist at the same time.

the conversation around bpd shouldn't revolve around whether people with the disorder are good or bad. a more helpful question would be how we can understand the condition better and how we can support people who are trying to live with it.

because a diagnosis is not a personality. it is not a moral judgment. and it certainly is not the whole story of who someone is.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I found out the same. Dont think I have bpd actually but I've been declared a difficult patient because I advocate for myself and disagree with "professionals". So I got slapped with the bpd label anyways and the amount of prejudice from professionals that comes with that is insane

Here I am, trying to figure my mind out and if I can find a way I want to be alive.
I never thought that searching professional help would get me a label that makes them immediately label me as difficult and manipulative. It's a ptsders worst nightmare.

I try to remind myself that the world is just build on greed, ease and mostly white male (and likely narcistic) foundations. It's built to keep people from complaining and to keep people working and contributing in monetary ways.

Its also the majority that counts. If you believe in god, you're fine because of the amount of people that do. But tell them you believe in ghosts you get a questionnaire for psychotic disorders.

So if you don't belong to the majority it's your problem and not theirs. Unless you are too disruptive.

But nowhere in that do they actually try to understand the way you see the world. No matter the label you got really. Let alone understand so they can help.
Textbook says crazy and manipulative? Don't try to understand where it comes from, just asume patient is wrong and proceed according chapter 2 paragraph 5. (Don't forget to put a notes patient is disagreeable for the next)

Honestly, it makes me pretty sick of this world.

Edit: no. Bpd doesn't make you a bad person either way. Can be really difficult. Can be really hard on both the person others. But personally I find it worse if "healthy" people live a life of greed and selfcenteredness versus someone with bpd who has trouble with emotional regulation and abandonment issues.

 

[Leorio Paradinight]

BPD is so rough and the stigma it carries makes my blood boil. It mostly comes from people getting enamored with their passionate love and care, but once it's time to stick by them through the worse parts, suddenly they're "manipulative devils who ruin people's lives".

I'm not saying there aren't bad people with BPD but most of them are just trying to navigate life without the most basic tools like emotional regulation and understanding relationships. They need validation and help in their efforts, but instead they mostly get either exploited or demonized (or both) which leaves them even more broken and confused.

As for your question, it mostly has to do with the stuff you talk about. Self-awareness and accountability. I've been with a BPD sufferer and she was the kindest person ever. Did she hurt me? Yes, a bunch. Did I ever blame her or feel manipulated by her? No, because I could always see the effort she was making to reflect on and figure things out. Her entire existence was spent trying to understand and control a situation she was never equipped to handle.

If you suffer from BPD, my heart goes out to you. Being forced into a world where nobody understands how you feel and having to constantly deal with the consequences of that is truly a nightmare.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It can depend on the other person too I think. Whether they can understand enough and cope with possible behaviours. It probably takes a lot of understanding and behavioural management on both sides.

Personally- when I started to befriend someone here once- they alerted me they had BPD and that it lead them to blow very hot and cold with people. Knowing that I can become overly clingy and dependent on people, that felt like a potentially bad mix. So- we briefly stayed more surface level friends. It's not all on the person with BPD though- I think it also depends on what the person they are befriending is dealing with.

I think it depends on just how hurtful the behaviour is as well. While it may not be their fault exactly, being on the receiving end of more serious abuse, it's difficult and sometimes unwise to keep making allowances- I think. That's not necessarily calling the person bad as such but, the two people together may be a bad mix.

I haven't really experienced Borderline things so much as Narcissistic abuse (I believe.) In truth- whatever the cause of their behaviour- I think the person on the receiving end is entitled to escape from it. I think it probably needs someone extremely strong and resilent themselves to cope in those sorts of relationships.

Maybe not in terms of the reasoning behind the behaviour but in terms of someone who has been hurt- I can also understand the phrase: 'A dog that bites is a dog that bites.' When it's biting you- you aren't so invested in why- you just need to get away.

I just don't know with borderline relationships/ friendships. How unpleasant it can get. How much a person can be aware and moderate their behaviour. Whether some people can go through the highs and lows unscathed. I don't think 'bad' is necessarily the right word but- complicated and even volatile seems more appropriate. Which- some people can handle better than others.

I think we all need to self reflect though. I've realised I was too needy and emotionally dependent at times. Maybe that wasn't exactly my fault. It's not like we choose to feel intense emotions and need. I could see it was too much for a friend though so- I became more mindful of that side of me. Both for their sake and mine- moving forward. Not that I think I have BPD but, I can relate to the whole 'favourite person' side of it.