Help Does having a partner make life easier?

[counterstrikeglobal]

when i was younger I never had problems talking to people but over time ive talked less and less and since freshman year of highschool I didnt talk to anyone. not to say that I didnt respond to people or teachers when they asked me a question but it was common for me to go days without talking. I think it ruined me, and now Im incredibly socially inept to the point I cant even look people in the eyes. Ive gotten used to being alone but it hasnt helped with my SI. should I try to pursue a relationship if it has helped people with SI before? I dont know if this sounds dumb. im sorry if it is.

 

[daruino]

That doesn't sound dumb. But I don't think you should want to pursue a relationship simply to overcome wishes to ctb (if I understood correctly?). Being in a relationship comes with a bunch of difficulties, it doesn't necessarily make life easier. Also I don't think it is fair to make the other person responsible for your life. It also isn't secure, because if you were ever to break up(which is likely), you wouldn't have anything to live for anymore. I think if you want to truly overcome SI it should come from within you.

 

[suacide]

I think if you're in a bad place, it makes things much, much harder. Relationships come with responsibility, trying to understand yourself and someone else and a lot of the time getting into one might feel nice at first but it's basically a bandaid solution that'll give you some horrible experiences down the road - simply put, because you weren't ready and just wanted to feel better, sooner.

Not to mention, when you don't respect or love yourself, people make terrible decisions on who their partners can be without even realising it… A relationship can't fix anyone and most people glamourise those first moments of getting all the attention, not the long term. And probably worst of all, if you get into a relationship with the hopes that it'll stop you from wanting to die - imagine the pressure for your partner. That if this relationship doesn't work out, they'd be responsible for your death without even knowing. My ex did that to me and instead of being honest, I sat through an abusive relationship for basically five years because I was so scared she'd kill herself without me.

 

[Alice.]

im with someone right now and as much as i love them i can say it makes fucking nothing easier. i feel like shit all the time

 

[counterstrikeglobal]

That doesn't sound dumb. But I don't think you should want to pursue a relationship simply to overcome wishes to ctb (if I understood correctly?). Being in a relationship comes with a bunch of difficulties, it doesn't necessarily make life easier. Also I don't think it is fair to make the other person responsible for your life. It also isn't secure, because if you were ever to break up(which is likely), you wouldn't have anything to live for anymore. I think if you want to truly overcome SI it should come from within you.

Thinking about it with that perspective makes a lot of sense. I just dont want to be alone anymore i hate it having to wake up and go through the monotony of daily life knowing that there is no one in my life who i could share my day with and ask about their day. all my life i have been considered broken goods and no one cared to ask how i was doing. my parents sent me to a php in senior year, and when I was released no one even asked where i went. i felt invisible and i just want someone to love me for who i am so maybe i do need to work on myself before going in that direction but it seems like deep isolation is the crux of my problem and i want to be fixed and happy and share my feelings with someone who cares. i dont know if its against the rules to ramble or respond to your post like this so im sorry if i broke any rules.

 

[daruino]

Thinking about it with that perspective makes a lot of sense. I just dont want to be alone anymore i hate it having to wake up and go through the monotony of daily life knowing that there is no one in my life who i could share my day with and ask about their day. all my life i have been considered broken goods and no one cared to ask how i was doing. my parents sent me to a php in senior year, and when I was released no one even asked where i went. i felt invisible and i just want someone to love me for who i am so maybe i do need to work on myself before going in that direction but it seems like deep isolation is the crux of my problem and i want to be fixed and happy and share my feelings with someone who cares. i dont know if its against the rules to ramble or respond to your post like this so im sorry if i broke any rules.

Oh goodness, your response really resonated with me. And you didn't do anything against the rules haha. You can talk about anything.
I also recognize the deep isolation and invisibility. I hate being in public places or at school because it's a constant reminder. It seems very difficult to get out of it, I don't know how I'm gonna do it either. I wish you the best

 

[sillycat]

Didn't talk to a single soul or have any sort of friend in high school because I thought i have absolutely no value to provide for people. Now near the end of college I finally started to talk to people and having friends. It helps me a bit having the right people around, although there's its own set of problems when it comes to peopling.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

No. It doesn't. But of course the real factual answer is more nuanced.

If your partner is strong enough to pull you out from the void, it's good to have a partner but if you're both drowning? Forget about it.

When my partner who was also my best friend for years committed suicide, I realized that no one could ever make your life easier other than yourself. You keep having hope, you seek help, you try talking to people, you fight off that darkness that keeps telling you that you're just a fucking burden on legs.

No one, not even your friends can help you if you've given up yourself. Maybe I'm only saying this to cope with her death but I saw others who cared for her very much. Those who were there for her when I wasn't and it made me realize that no matter what everyone tries to do, it all boils down to you.

Your partner don't mean shit. Your friends don't mean shit. Your family don't mean shit. God don't mean shit. You do.

 

[3/4Dead]

Short answer is gonna have to be no. I got into a relationship as things were getting better for me, and I think I'm an anomoly sort of - my relationship gave me the brief boost I needed to get well enough to stop wanting to die so badly. But it definetly didn't make the feelings go away - that's why I'm still here lol. I think having friends makes life eaiser sort of, but no, not a romantic relationship. Romantic partnership requires a certain amount of commitment, intent for a future, understanding of yourself, and willingness to understand someone else that do not come easy when you aren't in the right place. Not to say that you can't be in a bad place and get into a sturdy healthy relationship while you're down and out like this but it def should not be a primary motivator, and you absoloutely shouldn't get into a relationship with the thought in mind that it'll make you no longer want to ctb.

 

[pelicanportal]

yes

 

[akiyama346]

Not if you're male

 

[ScaredCutter]

i get what u mean but, a relationship comes with A LOT of things. im in one myself, we both struggle and have SI, we do try to help eachother but i mostly try to help him the most in every situation.

relationships are different from all, u can go in and out of many, struggle with findung the right person and such. u may even fall into one where its horrible and worsens everything. npbody can say a relationship 100% help with SI. both u and ur partner have wants and needs. u need to understand eachother. ppl can have a view on a specific relationship they also want.

in my own relationship, my ideation has dropped a lot and im not actively suicidal as much, but thats just my relationship. sometimes we argue or smth happens and one of us start scting differently, avoidance and such. we love eachother greatly and deeply. yes, i do put a lot of effort for my partner but it doesnt mean hes done nothing lol, i hate putting pressure on him, id never put an expectation on him.

id ask this, what will do when it doesnt help? do u feel like ur in the right state of maintaining a relationship? u should be careful with it, u dont want to worsen anything for urself.

 

[Porgierot]

I don't know where I would be without my partner so I don't know if I feel better now than if I were still alone but I don't feel like it has changed much mental health wise. Moreso another element of guilt, even though my partner is lovely. I wish for his sake our relationship helped me more but it just doesn't.
Though I would still prefer to be with them rather than without.

 

[violetforever]

ive never had a proper partner/relationship but i dont think so. if youre anything like me, i find worrying about myself frustrating enough. im not exactly fit to worry about another person with the way i do it. ill lose and neglect myself in the process of loving and caring for someone. i did that for a long time.

 

[etherealgoddess]

when i was younger I never had problems talking to people but over time ive talked less and less and since freshman year of highschool I didnt talk to anyone. not to say that I didnt respond to people or teachers when they asked me a question but it was common for me to go days without talking. I think it ruined me, and now Im incredibly socially inept to the point I cant even look people in the eyes. Ive gotten used to being alone but it hasnt helped with my SI. should I try to pursue a relationship if it has helped people with SI before? I dont know if this sounds dumb. im sorry if it is.

Honestly, I do think you should try to create friendships to help with the loneliness.

These days, I'd say most people don't have the skills to have a healthy relationship. I find that the majority of relationships that people have is a game of cat-and-mouse. If you are mentally ill, I highly suggest to NOT get into a relationship because you are more likely going to be attracted to an abuser. It's going to throw you off. Your mental state should be more stable before you start dating. The first relationship for anyone is always a rollercoaster.

I'd suggest trying to go and find online friends instead. Try to find people who you can be emotionally vulnerable with but as friends. When your mental state is very stable and you feel self-sufficient, dating can be good.

 

[mlb]

Being in a relationship with the most loving and safe person ever, i'd say no it's not worth it. I just feel guilty all the time and I wish we didn't get in a relationship. I think that I am the problem because i ultimately wish to die, but there are also self esteem issues and just doubt in general from my side. I should've went to therapy for all of these first before considering a relationship as what i have now is just bringing me down. Basically echoing what @suacide said

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

In my experience yes, but you need to be reeeally careful of how you act to keep your relationship healthy. It also depends on your specific problems in life. Like for me one of my main problems is feeling unloved, unappreciated, and invisible. Obviously having a partner helps with all of those. But if one of your problems is something like self harm or an eating disorder I don't see how having a partner will help with that outside of offering basic interpersonal support. Also things can get quite ugly if you're both suicidal/mentally ill. Also if you decide to kill yourself while you have a partner, that's a decision that's going to affect someone you love deeply for their entire life. Just something to consider.

Many will say that getting into a relationship while you're mentally unstable is unfair to that person. I think there's some nuance there but IMO you should definitely consider not entering into a relationship if you're seriously suicidal. I'm just here to present my thoughts though, it's your choice in the end.

 

[Oreki]

I don't feel the need for a partner. I know no one can make me happy. If there is a solution to my problems, it's not something a relationship can fix.
I'll be happy when I can leave this world. My destined partner is death itself

 

[counterstrikeglobal]

Honestly, I do think you should try to create friendships to help with the loneliness.

These days, I'd say most people don't have the skills to have a healthy relationship. I find that the majority of relationships that people have is a game of cat-and-mouse. If you are mentally ill, I highly suggest to NOT get into a relationship because you are more likely going to be attracted to an abuser. It's going to throw you off. Your mental state should be more stable before you start dating. The first relationship for anyone is always a rollercoaster.

I'd suggest trying to go and find online friends instead. Try to find people who you can be emotionally vulnerable with but as friends. When your mental state is very stable and you feel self-sufficient, dating can be good.

where would I start making friends online? i like to play tf2 and cs so are there discord servers or steam groups about those things?

 

[bugfart]

when i was younger I never had problems talking to people but over time ive talked less and less and since freshman year of highschool I didnt talk to anyone. not to say that I didnt respond to people or teachers when they asked me a question but it was common for me to go days without talking. I think it ruined me, and now Im incredibly socially inept to the point I cant even look people in the eyes. Ive gotten used to being alone but it hasnt helped with my SI. should I try to pursue a relationship if it has helped people with SI before? I dont know if this sounds dumb. im sorry if it is.

Depends on who the partner is. Unfortunately normal people who are going to be good for you realistically will not pursue someone they know to have never been in a relationship before, is a virgin, is suicidal, etc. I and many other people have gotten into terrible relationships because you must be aware that if someone is valuing inexperience and looking for someone with a mental illness, that's usually because they want to control you. I'd be very careful and also avoid the people with fetishes for mental illness, because unfortunately they exist out there now. And I'm saying from a scientific and personal perspective now that the chemical equations for obsession/limerence are similar to psychosis, and if you've been really lonely your whole life then put all your eggs in one basket it's going to be something that hurts you worse than you've started with.

My advice to you is to not disclose your mental health issues until several dates in. Never lead with it or expect a relationship to make it better. Do not bleed in front of sharks, as in do not let someone who may not know you well/ not have good intentions know you are struggling. It sucks pretending, but it's really fake it until you make it for giving the illusion of having confidence/ good self esteem. And it seems tempting to date people from sasu or other people with things up with them but I'm telling you right now that you don't know if someone has the violent kind of mental illness until you're 100 miles away from your family and you're getting beat on with no one to save you, or you're in a car and your head is being smashed into the window because you simply have a friend of the opposite gender/ member of preferred gender or some other stupid crap that sets them off. It sneaks up on you and there's not alot of ways to know.

I in general wouldn't expect anyone to fix these issues for you. Nobody can make you want to truly stay alive but you, and that's alot of pressure to put on another person. And keep in mind that most people out here are very casual and aren't even serious. These issues could really scare them. I keep my issues to myself but I've dated suicidal people, and I must admit that the constant put downs on themselves and eventually extending to me get to be a lot. Most people like to receive more than they like to give, and you should be mindful of your mental state before you start dating, and how that can stress others. Do you have friends? I would advise making friends.

 

[etherealgoddess]

where would I start making friends online? i like to play tf2 and cs so are there discord servers or steam groups about those things?

There absolutely have to be groups based on that. Search up "tf2 discord groups disboard" or "cs discord groups disboard" into your browser. You will find servers. Or maybe search it up into disboard.org itself

 

[astroproto]

I don't have a lot of friends and I've never been in any serious relationship but I think it's just nice being able to talk to someone.

Not really giving this as a strong recommendation but recently met someone on an app and I guess we're now FWB. It's kind of nice just experiencing intimate moments and then being able to talk to them about random stuff sometimes, especially now that I don't really have anyone to talk to. They're also just nice and pretty understanding (they saw my SH scars and was about to ask but stopped themselves).

I imagine a serious relationship would be incredibly fulfilling if both of you can handle it and work through your issues. But as everyone else is saying, it's definitely not a magic pill that can make your SI disappear. Whether it's gonna help would probably depend on you and the other person.

 

[MrHappyFace]

In my opinion, it might heal you a bit since it brings you closer to self-acceptance and trust in others.

 

[Todesengel]

I feel like the thing that's more important than love is being understood. I currently have someone in my life who I can't pursue romantically but she's the most important person to me because she understands me, understands my pain and doesn't see me as less for thinking like that. She's much better than any relationship I ever had.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

It definitely can when things are good between you and your partner, but when things are bad or if you break up, it can make life significantly worse. It's risky, but I think a risk worth taking for the right person. Partners are also a huge time, energy, and asset commitment so be prepared. My biggest recommendation above all to those who find partners is to stay strong independently of your partner and don't give into dependence no matter how much you love them. The golden rule of working with animals is that animals can behave unpredictably, and partners are no different. Even your bestest boy ever with the cleanest track record can bite your hand with no warning (I love metaphors.) so you need to be able to take, handle, and cope with risk. Don't ever let a partner become a hindrance to your mental health journey. Healthy secure love feels safe and peaceful, not intense and unpredictable.

 

[Wilt-On-High]

Hmmm...no I think.
(In my opinion)
I believe that If you completly cut out the thought of having a partner and just focus on yourself
(career, Personal stuff etc) you'll be much happier.

I'll use me as an example.
When I was younger. Like 16 I used to be like "oughh I want a partner and stuff" that never happened. I was too ugly for anyone's standards.
Over time my brain started axing the thought of me ever being in a relationship. (Like how a kid finally realises that their dreams to be a superhero cannot come true as it is fictional) so, I started (and still am) working on myself, trying to (in my words) "be overqualified" even though I'm a bit slow. I'm prioritising me and I'd do admit. I still fancy people but half of the time they're fictional older men or (in general)

For example 2 of my current fictional crushes are Homelander and Mortal Kombat 11 Johnny Cage and 2 of my IRL crushes current are Damon Albarn and John Cena.

They live rent free in my head. When I get lonely I date them in my brain or I be intimate with them in my brain (I'm Aegosexual btw)

Sorry for hijacking your post

 

[EternalShore]

in my experience, yes~ rn, I don't particularly feel as sewer slidal as I did at this time last year (he helped me get through that mess, altho I still have these awful memories of it~ >_<) or when I created my account~ however, one has to have a good boyfriend that won't abandon you to make that a reality~ :) that being said, I really couldn't survive without having a bf~ >_<

 

[counterstrikeglobal]

Depends on who the partner is. Unfortunately normal people who are going to be good for you realistically will not pursue someone they know to have never been in a relationship before, is a virgin, is suicidal, etc. I and many other people have gotten into terrible relationships because you must be aware that if someone is valuing inexperience and looking for someone with a mental illness, that's usually because they want to control you. I'd be very careful and also avoid the people with fetishes for mental illness, because unfortunately they exist out there now. And I'm saying from a scientific and personal perspective now that the chemical equations for obsession/limerence are similar to psychosis, and if you've been really lonely your whole life then put all your eggs in one basket it's going to be something that hurts you worse than you've started with.

My advice to you is to not disclose your mental health issues until several dates in. Never lead with it or expect a relationship to make it better. Do not bleed in front of sharks, as in do not let someone who may not know you well/ not have good intentions know you are struggling. It sucks pretending, but it's really fake it until you make it for giving the illusion of having confidence/ good self esteem. And it seems tempting to date people from sasu or other people with things up with them but I'm telling you right now that you don't know if someone has the violent kind of mental illness until you're 100 miles away from your family and you're getting beat on with no one to save you, or you're in a car and your head is being smashed into the window because you simply have a friend of the opposite gender/ member of preferred gender or some other stupid crap that sets them off. It sneaks up on you and there's not alot of ways to know.

I in general wouldn't expect anyone to fix these issues for you. Nobody can make you want to truly stay alive but you, and that's alot of pressure to put on another person. And keep in mind that most people out here are very casual and aren't even serious. These issues could really scare them. I keep my issues to myself but I've dated suicidal people, and I must admit that the constant put downs on themselves and eventually extending to me get to be a lot. Most people like to receive more than they like to give, and you should be mindful of your mental state before you start dating, and how that can stress others. Do you have friends? I would advise making friends.

I have one friend I talk to once maybe two times a week for two hours at a time. Other than that I don't. I think you are right in saying that I shouldn't lead with my issues and looking back on this thread I feel really foolish because I get into these emotional pits and I think the only way of fixing it would to have a relationship. The way you put it makes me realize that I do need to find friends first and that a relationship will come only when I'm ready for one.

 

[addictedfukup]

A partner may help you when you are done, and make your life better just being it in BUT that only seems to work for happy and healed people, over a year i cant tell if she still loves me or just is scared ill kill myself if she leaves, when it gets really bad and i wanna die i try to beg her to leave me but she cries and begs me to get better, i should have never bothered her because no matter what i do im going to hurt her
BUT when i am in a better state of mind i am so happy i have her and i share the best memories with her, i think the main thing is loving and fixing yourself before you have a relationship, give yourself time to heal and also became a bad ass and best version of yourself.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Yes