Venting Does/Has anyone here wanted to kill themselves out of fear of having to take care of themselves?

[ultrasharpy123456]

Having to live on your own and get a job with a house you have to pay for.

 

[Not A Fan]

More so now than before. When I lived in Portland circa 2008 the cost of living was pretty low and it felt like there were various possibilities for surviving without having to completely waste your life.

Now it doesn't seem like any city in the world fits that description. I now live in California in the spare room of a relative. It's so expensive here I'm surprised more people aren't killing themselves. So many people are becoming homeless here. Why would anyone want to join them when they could ctb instead???

 

[divinemistress87]

Since my brain injury I have no idea how to take care of a house or myself. I know for sure i would need to ctb before my parents die

 

[lnlybnny]

Absolutely. It gives me some solace to think that I won't have to deal with any of this

 

[acey]

Why before and not after?

Since my brain injury I have no idea how to take care of a house or myself. I know for sure i would need to ctb before my parents die

 

[Forever Sleep]

More for when I'm older. I'm freelance and live pretty much hand to mouth. No pension, no sick pay, no friends or family around. I don't want to experience old age at all. Suicide to some degree would be a peventative measure in my case- if I have the guts to go ahead with it.

Also, in all honesty, it's preferable to going back into wage slavery. Which is a constant threat. It's pretty ludicrous anyway that I'm working as it is to support a life I don't want to live! In my head, I suppose I feel less willing to tolerate things now. I suppose I'm hoping that, when I no longer need to (when my Dad passes,) I'll take the initiative and unburden myself.

 

[divinemistress87]

Why before and not after?

no way I could handle the stress of them dying

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It isn't fear about having to take care of myself but more so that I don't want to take care of myself. I don't want to deal with responsibilities and hardships

 

[kyhoti]

100%, because I am losing the ability to care for myself. My condition is prgressive, incurable and ultimately fatal. I'm not "afraid" of my downward slide, other than the possibilty of losing my self-agency. I've lived with it since last few years, so I'm really throwing the dice here, pushing for another couple of months. At that point, based on current projections, I will be out of money, out of medicine and out of time.

 

[SmallKoy]

Absolutely. I'm mortified of continuing to age and having to be completely independent. The thought of change and transitions is so scary to me.

 

[bandoscii]

Definetely. One of the main reasons why I want to CTB. Can't imagine myself doing anything by myself at all since I'm incredibly lazy and probably would just die of starvation due to being scared to have a job to buy something to eat or just do anything really.

 

[BackToLobby]

Yeah, finding a job, friends, girlfriend, being healthy, responsible and ALL that stuff of being part of society it's way harder that I thought.

 

[PetrichorBirth]

@sserafim might relate