Venting Does growing up severely isolated and without friends doom you for life?

[DesperateOne]

[LONG VENT]

I've realized something over the past few weeks when trying to get my life together from literally ground negative zero. If you were asocial/severely isolated as a kid with no real friends, and you missed out on pretty much all social experiences in elementary school, high-school and college, then it feels like you are pretty much fucked... People learn complexities of human interaction very early on in life and then that snowballs into more and more complex patterns of behavior which forms our relationships as humans. If you get left behind during this crucial period (especially if you drown in isolation), then it feels like it is pretty much over.

You CAN learn to get better at socializing later on in life, but the fact is that you are MILES behind, and probably forever will be. If you are isolated for longer periods of time, the part of the brain that manages compassion, empathy, socialization, thinking etc... just completely rots away. The only way to boot it up again is to start at the very beginning (LVL 1) and be very mindful of every single thing you say and do. You have to open up, ask very very stupid basic questions and expose yourself to shit that makes you extremely uncomfortable, which in turn shows to everyone the depth of your incompetence/inexperience.

There's a problem though, by doing that you reveal to everyone that you are a giant weirdo loser and you INSTANTLY get marked by ppl, and probably soon after that excluded from any kind of real meaningful relationships. Not understanding how to talk to people or your body shutting down over basic things can maybe seem somewhat normal if you are a kid, but the older you get the more this margin of error decreases. You end up with the realization that you clearly do not and will never be able to meet the bare minimum standards of social development to truly belong to any sort of group. People usually say fake it till you make it, but if you do try to hide it, humans are wired to figure it out soon anyways.

One can try to repair this mess with very hard work and eventually get some people in ones life who aren't dreading you, but even then they usually become only your "friends", meaning that they only have you around to kill time or to vent, but nothing meaningful. Even IF they pretend to care, YOU KNOW that they can't wait to get rid of you and redirect their attention somewhere else more important. Please be aware that I'm not blaming people for acting like this. If you are way ahead of someone when it comes to life journey and experiences, you probably don't want to deal with some loser who fucked up their life beyond repair and with whom you can't relate to in almost any regard. If there is someone to blame, it is myself.

Then on top of all of this mental shit adult responsibilities creep in like work, bills, car etc.. etc... meanwhile you watch people continue to outgrow you in all sorts of ways while you are stuck in the pit that keeps on growing. There's people out there who are 100x more experienced than me in almost every regard, yet they are struggling HARD with life, relationships, finance etc... Then here I come a pure mentally broken retard into the world of adulthood lol...

Is that life? Is that something worth living? Be honest with me. First part of the youth spent in isolation/depression (practically a hiki) with no friends and real memorable moments, second part of youth trying to fix things and acclimate the brain out of isolation into the real world, meanwhile everyone is avoiding you or calling you a weirdo and then boom you are 30-40. People already have kids and are settling down, meanwhile you just got done learning the basics of life/socialization that should've been clear to you in high school. What's the point of living a life like that? Its just suffering upon suffering upon suffering... Life is all about relationships and people, if you can't truly participate in that then what is the point?

 

[sserafim]

I think I also grew up isolated and without friends, but I don't want relationships or people. I don't want to participate in that. I guess if you *want* connection and intimacy then you *are* doomed, but I think I've become schizoid. I have no need for family, connection, intimacy, love, belonging or romance, and I honestly don't understand why people do. I don't like socializing or social interaction. I've never belonged to any group and I've never wanted to anyways. I've never felt a sense of belonging before and I don't see a point in that kind of stuff, honestly. I just want to be alone, far away from society and other people

 

[DesperateOne]

I think I also grew up isolated and without friends, but I don't want relationships or people. I don't want to participate in that. I guess if you *want* connection and intimacy then you *are* doomed, but I think I've become schizoid. I have no need for human connection and I honestly don't understand why people do. I don't like socializing or social interaction. I just want to be alone, far away from society and other people

Pretty sure I've become schizoid as well and probably on the verge of going completely nuts. Most of the time I'm fine being a shell of a human being with no emotions/craving for human contact, but sometimes its unbearable. I'm looking for something in the dark that is missing in my soul, but I cannot find it.

 

[Linda]

[LONG VENT]

I've realized something over the past few weeks when trying to get my life together from literally ground negative zero. If you were asocial/severely isolated as a kid with no real friends, and you missed out on pretty much all social experiences in elementary school, high-school and college, then it feels like you are pretty much fucked... People learn complexities of human interaction very early on in life and then that snowballs into more and more complex patterns of behavior which forms our relationships as humans. If you get left behind during this crucial period (especially if you drown in isolation), then it feels like it is pretty much over.

You CAN learn to get better at socializing later on in life, but the fact is that you are MILES behind, and probably forever will be. If you were isolated for longer periods of time, the part of the brain that manages compassion, empathy, socialization, thinking etc... just completely rots away. The only way to boot it up again is to start at the very beginning (LVL 1) and be very mindful of every single thing you say and do. You have to open up, ask very very stupid basic questions and expose yourself to shit that makes you extremely uncomfortable, which in turn shows to everyone the depth of your incompetence/inexperience.

There's a problem though, by doing that you reveal to everyone that you are a giant weirdo loser and you INSTANTLY get marked by ppl, and probably soon after that excluded from any kind of real meaningful relationships. Asking super dumb questions, not understanding how to talk to people or your body shutting down over basic things can maybe seem somewhat normal if you are a kid, but the older you get the more this margin of error decreases. You end up with the realization that you clearly do not and will never be able to meet the bare minimum standards of social development to truly belong to any sort of group. People usually say fake it till you make it, but if you do try to hide it, humans are wired to figure it out soon anyways.

One can try to repair this mess with very hard work and eventually maybe even get some people in your life who aren't dreading you, but even then they usually become only your "friends", meaning that they only have you around to kill time or to vent, but nothing meaningful. Even IF they pretend to care, YOU KNOW that they can't wait to get rid of you and redirect their attention somewhere else more important. Please be aware that I'm not blaming people for acting like this. If you are way ahead of someone when it comes to life journey and experiences, you probably don't want to deal with some loser who fucked up their life beyond repair and with whom you can't relate to in almost any regard. If there is someone to blame it is myself.

Then on top of all of this mental shit adult responsibilities creep in like work, bills, car etc.. etc... meanwhile you watch people continue to outgrow you in all sorts of ways while you are stuck in the pit that keeps on growing. There's people out there who are 100x more experienced than me in almost every regard, yet they are struggling HARD with life, relationships, finance etc... Then here I come a pure mentally broken retard into the world of adulthood lol...

Is that life? Is that something worth living? Be honest with me. First part of the youth spent in isolation/depression (practically a hiki) with no friends and real memorable moments, second part of youth trying to fix things while everyone is avoiding you or calling you a weirdo and then boom you are 30-40. People already have kids and are settling down, meanwhile you just got done learning the basics that should've been clear to you in high school. What's the point of living a life like that? Its just suffering upon suffering upon suffering... Life is all about relationships and people, if you can't truly participate in that then what is the point?

Obviously being isolated when you are young makes things harder later, but I think it is probably possible to compensate. You can learn new skills as you get older, even though it is much easier to learn them when you are young. Because of my circumstances, I have had to learn many new skills over the last 25 years. It was hard, but doable. You are a lot younger than me, so I'm sure you can do it too.

 

[iloverachel]

It depends
If you are the type of person who craves and enjoys social interactions and love to go have a great social life, yeah you are doomed

Some people are more introverted and prefer being alone most the time, so these guys will have it easier
Anyways best of luck

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would say yes depending on how much isolated someone is. How to learn social skills, communication, behavior and everything what is essential in our lives? Humans are social creatures - the younger ones learn from the older ones and that starts already as a baby.

 

[xinino]

That's exactly why I loathe humanists, they always have a static view of life, that puts only a burden on individuals in a changeable environment, The notion of socializing must be constituted and transcended from an individual perspective.

 

[Fantasy22]

I feel like I missed out on a lot in my childhood and it's affecting my adulthood similar to you. As a kid I preferred to be alone but I sometimes wished for a friend now it's similar. 80% im fine with being alone and prefer it and 20% I get fomo and wish I could go out with friends and make any sort of meaningful connection. It's like bad habits from childhood follow you and ur life never truly improves from there unless you make a drastic change and hope it works out in the end

 

[Meteora]

Yes, it does. Very much so.

 

[ChildOfLove]

Yes, I'm afraid it does. I have never been able to connect with people during my childhood and this has only gotten worse as I got older despite trying my best to socialize and to fix the damage that has been done. I have been friendless all my life. This has completely damaged my mental health and ability to function or even just to survive among other people. And I believe it did so irreversibly. Even now I have not one human being to talk to. If on the one hand socializing is utterly terrifying to me, on the other there is hardly anything else I desire more than to be able to do so effortlessly.
Experiencing extreme loneliness during childhood and/or in your teenage years really does ruin you. Though that might just be my autism speaking.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Being abused and neglected as a kid (and having ASD, of course) did hinder my social skills and set me up for a rough ride into adulthood. I also grew up in a place where I did not fit in with anyone and did not have a single person whom I could call a friend until I was 12 years old. Everything about the culture in which I grew up in and who I am as a person completely clashed. There was also a 2 year period during my adolescence where my family locked me inside and didn't allow me to socialise with anyone. I've tried my best to remedy the years of damage that was done.

I think the most difficult thing about situations like what you're describing is that there are a lot fewer situations in which to practice your social skills as an adult. Children are afforded room to make mistakes and to learn from them in social situations, while judgement towards adults social mistakes are more harsh. Compared to the school environment, it is a lot harder as an adult to meet people in your age group to socialise with, and while online communication can help somewhat, it isn't really the same.

I feel very similar to you, in the sense that I feel miles behind my peers and am always playing catch up. The first couple years of adulthood were really a struggle, because I had no social skills whatsoever and was starting from 0. Then, once I properly went to university, for the first time ever I had a friend group. I researched a lot of social skills tips and tricks to keep a conversation going. My initial success in making friends was probably due to the fact that everyone who befriended me was also either autistic or a little bit odd themselves. Also, as I mentioned before, educational environments are the prime place to socialize.

However, once my chronic illnesses and my life kept getting worse and worse, it's become like I never really had many friends at all. People cant relate to or understand what I go through. Some don't even believe it. When the physical pain and fatigue is really bad, you have absolutely no energy to speak or to go out. I realized people only liked me when I was entertaining them, and when I became more and more ill, I have become dull and boring to them. People can tell I am sick and it is off putting.

I also struggled a lot with workplace environments, because I'm so different than everyone else. Don't get me wrong, the colleagues I've had at my longest held job are incredibly kind, but I have absolutely nothing in common with them or any sort of corporate/professional culture. Most are older people who have children and are big into fitness, while I'm younger, never going to have kids, and disabled. I have no common ground with them or shared interests. Plus my background of extensive trauma and illness is just not relatable to the average well-raised office worker.

One of the only things that has ever made me happy is socialising successfully, and now that I can't really anymore my life is essentially meaningless. I always wish I can be normal or at least be able to conceal my failures a bit better. I wish people could be more understanding and realize that even adults are still learning many social skills, your need for acceptance does not disappear after you turn 18 or mature.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I always struggled socially (learning disability). Even when I had peers and "friends" growing up, I was too socially stupid to learn anything from it, or to even realize I was supposed to learn something from it due to ASD. Then, I developed chronic internet use at around 12 years old and lost the ability to make friends or have relationships.

Social ability really is a "use it or lose it" situation, and it takes almost no time to lose it, especially when you're young. It's so easy to get socially kicked out of society, and often times people who have only find out when it's way too late. Doesn't help that everyone is too busy teaching their 8th graders calculus while just magically expecting them all to succeed socially.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

[LONG VENT]

I've realized something over the past few weeks when trying to get my life together from literally ground negative zero. If you were asocial/severely isolated as a kid with no real friends, and you missed out on pretty much all social experiences in elementary school, high-school and college, then it feels like you are pretty much fucked... People learn complexities of human interaction very early on in life and then that snowballs into more and more complex patterns of behavior which forms our relationships as humans. If you get left behind during this crucial period (especially if you drown in isolation), then it feels like it is pretty much over.

You CAN learn to get better at socializing later on in life, but the fact is that you are MILES behind, and probably forever will be. If you are isolated for longer periods of time, the part of the brain that manages compassion, empathy, socialization, thinking etc... just completely rots away. The only way to boot it up again is to start at the very beginning (LVL 1) and be very mindful of every single thing you say and do. You have to open up, ask very very stupid basic questions and expose yourself to shit that makes you extremely uncomfortable, which in turn shows to everyone the depth of your incompetence/inexperience.

There's a problem though, by doing that you reveal to everyone that you are a giant weirdo loser and you INSTANTLY get marked by ppl, and probably soon after that excluded from any kind of real meaningful relationships. Not understanding how to talk to people or your body shutting down over basic things can maybe seem somewhat normal if you are a kid, but the older you get the more this margin of error decreases. You end up with the realization that you clearly do not and will never be able to meet the bare minimum standards of social development to truly belong to any sort of group. People usually say fake it till you make it, but if you do try to hide it, humans are wired to figure it out soon anyways.

One can try to repair this mess with very hard work and eventually get some people in ones life who aren't dreading you, but even then they usually become only your "friends", meaning that they only have you around to kill time or to vent, but nothing meaningful. Even IF they pretend to care, YOU KNOW that they can't wait to get rid of you and redirect their attention somewhere else more important. Please be aware that I'm not blaming people for acting like this. If you are way ahead of someone when it comes to life journey and experiences, you probably don't want to deal with some loser who fucked up their life beyond repair and with whom you can't relate to in almost any regard. If there is someone to blame, it is myself.

Then on top of all of this mental shit adult responsibilities creep in like work, bills, car etc.. etc... meanwhile you watch people continue to outgrow you in all sorts of ways while you are stuck in the pit that keeps on growing. There's people out there who are 100x more experienced than me in almost every regard, yet they are struggling HARD with life, relationships, finance etc... Then here I come a pure mentally broken retard into the world of adulthood lol...

Is that life? Is that something worth living? Be honest with me. First part of the youth spent in isolation/depression (practically a hiki) with no friends and real memorable moments, second part of youth trying to fix things and acclimate the brain out of isolation into the real world, meanwhile everyone is avoiding you or calling you a weirdo and then boom you are 30-40. People already have kids and are settling down, meanwhile you just got done learning the basics of life/socialization that should've been clear to you in high school. What's the point of living a life like that? Its just suffering upon suffering upon suffering... Life is all about relationships and people, if you can't truly participate in that then what is the point?

This is really interesting on so many levels. To me personally as in the past, I could pass off my isolated past and make up for it with my personality. I was like 22 and on a date with this hot guy in the army with his shit together (maybe 6-7yrs older), and it was a casual date, and I think it was over text? Don't recall. But he said he liked me or whatever, but that I was "undateable" because I still lived with my mother, didn't have a car (or license but he didn't know that ha), and didn't have a job at the time. I wasn't upset surprisingly and I didn't blame him for it. But besides not being good on paper I totally "passed." More than passed. We "hooked up" (not 100% I was a virgin) that night... But it was exhausting. And I still would've put a bullet in my head if I had had the chance. That was 10yrs ago and a lot of things have changed. I think you can get past your isolation and the horror you're made to carry until you can release it and heal from it, but you have to have a reason to want to. To fight against it. I have no reasons to fight this. All the therapists I've seen were unhelpful. 1 out of 10 were quasi helpful. The only real advice I recall or that was profound in any real way was: "This will be the hardest thing you will ever do." What that therapist meant was to overcome my depression/anxiety and manage it on a daily basis, and not wish I were dead every single day. Some of you on here can. You haven't done things that you can't live with. You still have joy in your heart. You can still see color in life. There's still something left in you to live and experience. It's not worth it for me. There's nothing left, and now, I am too far gone mentally. There's too much pain I could never rid myself from and too much shame/guilt that there is no redemption for. So everyone has they're reasons, but some cross more lines than others. Some are beyond repair, like me, but some can be repaired, like you. So people reading this gal's post, you can have lived that, but you can live beyond that too. You don't have to waste anymore of your life. You have a past and leave it in the past. Unfortunately, my past is my shadow, and you can't get rid of your shadow.

Best of Fate Former Losers <3

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Yes. Human beings are social creatures and being isolated is unnatural for most of us. I tried to convince myself I was an introvert for years. Truthfully I'm just too self conscious and damaged to put myself out there. I reversed the cause and effect in my mind.

 

[DesperateOne]

This is really interesting on so many levels. To me personally as in the past, I could pass off my isolated past and make up for it with my personality. I was like 22 and on a date with this hot guy in the army with his shit together (maybe 6-7yrs older), and it was a casual date, and I think it was over text? Don't recall. But he said he liked me or whatever, but that I was "undateable" because I still lived with my mother, didn't have a car (or license but he didn't know that ha), and didn't have a job at the time. I wasn't upset surprisingly and I didn't blame him for it. But besides not being good on paper I totally "passed." More than passed. We "hooked up" (not 100% I was a virgin) that night... But it was exhausting. And I still would've put a bullet in my head if I had had the chance. That was 10yrs ago and a lot of things have changed. I think you can get past your isolation and the horror you're made to carry until you can release it and heal from it, but you have to have a reason to want to. To fight against it. I have no reasons to fight this. All the therapists I've seen were unhelpful. 1 out of 10 were quasi helpful. The only real advice I recall or that was profound in any real way was: "This will be the hardest thing you will ever do." What that therapist meant was to overcome my depression/anxiety and manage it on a daily basis, and not wish I were dead every single day. Some of you on here can. You haven't done things that you can't live with. You still have joy in your heart. You can still see color in life. There's still something left in you to live and experience. It's not worth it for me. There's nothing left, and now, I am too far gone mentally. There's too much pain I could never rid myself from and too much shame/guilt that there is no redemption for. So everyone has they're reasons, but some cross more lines than others. Some are beyond repair, like me, but some can be repaired, like you. So people reading this gal's post, you can have lived that, but you can live beyond that too. You don't have to waste anymore of your life. You have a past and leave it in the past. Unfortunately, my past is my shadow, and you can't get rid of your shadow.

Best of Fate Former Losers <3

Seems like you made some very significant pushes towards improving yourself and just from this write up alone I can tell that you defeated some of the demons even though they were very small. I think you should keep going and save yourself.

Personally for me, I'm trying but I have lost my identity. I don't know how to act and how to talk to felow humans. Everyone instantly gives me weird looks. There's this constant pressure inside my head that I'm a weirdo worthless PoS loser which I've carried forever. I can't relax when talking to people, like EVER.

Usually when people engage in commmunication with others they are integrated in some sort of culture. After a few hours or days of akwardness people become connected. I can't feel this connection with anyone. Not with people, not with family. It's like I've been cut off from the rest of the world and meant to be numb stuck on an island forever. It's like I lost something in childhood that everyone else got. Maybe those are social experiences? Friends? Idk... A decade long isolation and internet addiction has crushed me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

If you want connection, then yes, it fucks up your life. In my case, I wanted connection with others throughout my childhood but I never got any which has absolutely hurted me and made my childhood significantly worse. Right now however, I've grown apathetic about connection and I think that I'm just so used to loneliness that I've almost became a schizoid. That said, I do worry that my thoughts about me being a schizoid are incorrect and that I'm just coping deep down. I hope that I truly am a schizoid as I'm just gonna suffer more if I am not a schizoid.

Though, either way, in my case, my life is doomed regardless of the socialising aspect of it because I don't want to wage slave for the rest of my life and the only way to not wage slave is to kill myself

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Significant? I think that's too strong. Self-realizations maybe. I mean, I have a week left to be 32... and from the age of 18 and up, I've been on maybe two dozen antidepressants, and seen at least that many therapists, and probably twice that many professionals to even prescribe the meds so, and it wasn't necessarily by choice... So that in itself if a lot of having to explain to people your "story" and why you are the way you are. It was very unpleasant, and annoying af, but that's social practice right there, especially if you're not a trusting person, but you're trying to be honest because you don't want to be who you are, so you're displaying yourself literally on the table for a critique and audience. I only just now realized that.

10+ years ago my life was drastically different, for the better. Although then I still thought it was the worst it's ever been, and there's never been a time in my life where I wouldn't have ctb if given a real opportunity to. But without having to disclose too much embarrassing detail about myself, and asking about yours to further analyze all of this progress, or lack there of, I will say that my younger years I did have a loving mother and sibling. They weren't like that all the time, and there were times I thought the relationship was terminated forever, but I had them. I had what a lot of people did not, unconditional love and two people who I could trust, and had a shared bond with. Albeit they were blood related so that's debatable if it counts. Other than that. I basically had no one, from childhood to adulthood, to this day. I had a few entanglements with "boys" in my twenties and that was merely distractions. Nice distractions, but nothing of real value or contributed to the rest of my life. At that time I was also on the highest amount of allowable zoloft and allotted up to 15mg of valium as well as the highest amount of wellbutrin. So I lost a good amount of weight (which I had never been able to do and was always a major contributing problem for me) and that helped. It was now my "depressed weight" I called it. The weight I could sustain without gaining or losing (because I still had more to lose) and still be considerably a 9 depressedwise. (When asked by my sibling how diazepam felt, I remember saying, "I feel like I can breathe a little better. My shoulders aren't always up.") I too have NEVER been able to be relaxed, in public or by myself. So I'm sorry to hear the same for you. It's no way to live, and it's just so, unfair... People who aren't monsters, have good hearts to have to feel so indebted at every moment. I have performance anxiety. I consider talking to people a performance lol. Hell I can't be myself in front of my own self. I'm a closeted-singer but I'm literally afraid of my own voice that I haven't exercised it. Also if I haven't already said, my life was like night and day from then to now. So if you think your life is bad now, it can get worse. Every year I think my life can't get any worse, and then it does. I forget which Law that's called. But I suppose the opposite can be true too: if you think your life can't get any better than it is now, it can, and will. So in 10 years you could be night and day from where you are now.

I also had some strengths to myself. I was aware of them. But then I knew my weaknesses too. People can sense confidence and they can tell when you're insecure and they prey on it. I often tell people to simply get pissed off. It's a great motivator. I probably had an advantage because I could be very stylish and good with hair and makeup. But I'm also a good listener and I ask a shit ton of questions. I'm observant and knew what kind of people I wanted to talk to then. You can be a total loser and still be very picky lol. I am. Was. You use your strengths. I'm not educated, haven't traveled, lack work experience, no friends, yet I was about to characterize myself so that the focus wasnt on that and that wasn't the priority. But these were only short-term relationships and they were shallow so those things didn't matter as much; and if they did, I had an answer for them. It was a form of lying: saying I've had an unconventional life, was self-conscious with my body, and never put myself out there as for reasons I was a virgin for so long. And if you omit, and they don't ask, (which they often won't), they presume things about you or take it that you had some hard times but are relatively "normal" in a lot of aspects, even though I was completely not. I just pretty much learned to shut up lol and not give away my cards because that will probably scare them away. I dealt with it as it came. So was I a fraud? To an extent, or was I only giving away the better version of myself?

Now, it's 100% different and there's no going forward for me. As you said, you hit 30-40. I remember being 27 and at least feeling better that I would be dying at the age of the Hollywood "27 Club." Now it's six unfortunate years later...

Your second paragraph now, is very different. It's here and now. I've lost my identity so I can greatly identify. I've always wanted to secretly be an actress and they're famous for having identify crises so they take on "characters." Since I don't know you, I can't tell you about yourself. Only you know how to describe you, what your strengths and weaknesses are, what your interests are, what you stand for, what you want, what you don't want, etc... Also when you say people see you as a weirdo, do they? or is that your perception of how you think people perceive you due to lack of confidence and severe self-consciousness? It's very likely that people aren't paying attention to you at all, and think of you as the next woman in line. Just a fellow student. If you were a murderer, you may feel that everyone can see that you've done something wrong because you feel it so strongly, so you must be giving tell tale signs away. That's morality.

With people, of all types, there are tips and tricks to talking to them. But it's more of YOU feeling you're even able to talk to them. The fear. So drugs can help, self-awareness/self-realizations can help, expectations can help, body language can help, hell even chewing gum can help. Next time you go to a fearful social whatever chew gum. See if you feel any different during and afterwards. There are amino acids and thc to help with anxiety etc. Socializing is fixable. You have to have a fortitude and tools too help though. Because if you just expect things to be different the next time you are out, they may be slightly (because of your outlook would be different and look for different things), but it will only be slightly; and it may not last unless you practice it. It's never too late to learn to ride a bike. But even if you didn't as kid, as an adult, you can learn how it operates, its purpose. You can practice balance without getting on. You can learn what to expect for ever trying it. There are lots of ways to prepare. In everything I do, I prepare. For various reasons I prep but fear is always one (if not the main one) so I research and plan, so I have a better shot with whatever I plan to do. And if I suck, I try to learn why. Hell telephone calls scare me, but I plan for them. I even still feel so much anxiety afterwards that I shout absurd profanities just to release the anxiety from the experience of the call. I find in doing that, I can retain my ability to do phone calls. Some things come more naturally to others (like just being a freaking person and socializing naturally) than us, for reasons known and unknown. It's a bitch. It's our unfortunate burden to bear. People who are more sensitive bear more than those who don't care and are ambivalent. Ignorance is bliss.
But basically, there's a bit of an art to it as it is a social science, literally. So there are tips and tricks to the trade. Not that I've ever even been in the "Intermediate Class" so to speak. But like any trade, if you don't heed your skills, you lose them. I definitely have.
Fun fact:: Remember the scene in Titanic where Jack is invited to dine with the upperclass with Rose and her fiance for saving Rose on the deck? How well did he for a kid who had nothing and no skills or experience? With a little help from Molly and his own "skills" he was "accepted", even liked. That's one example. Albeit a poor one.

Also, scientifically and mathematically, there are always going to be certain types of groups and people that you click with more than others. You may not even know someone wants to talk to you more often than you think but you don't know because you try to shake them off because you find THEM annoying. People are shallow, trivial, ignorant, and they suck. So find ones who don't. Who think like you. Who like things that you do. Put yourself out there. Most people have childhood friends, friends from college, social groups from ex-relatonships, co-workers, etc. So friendships came more naturally to them and they have an advantage over us in that were able to snag people during the milestones to adulthood. Making friends in adulthood is considerably harder, but doable. There's just a different dynamic to it. It's also like dating. You think someone is okay and like to know them better, but in hindsight, you're like "Whoops. I should've dropped them a long time ago then." because you dismissed the red flag because you wanted it to work. Be more selective.

I feel for you, and very much identify with all that you've said. But you're not doomed, and you don't have to be, you just haven't bloomed.

I will add though that I don't know what kind of internet addiction you have, but that's killing your "sobriety" so to speak. That will hurt you. The internet should be useful and productive. (Not that I'm any better, but I'm not trying to move forward in that sense either.) So if something is not helping you in a clear, definable way that doesn't leave you with guilt and is justifiably defendable, it's probably hurting you. Hurting you so badly in ways in which you aren't even aware of, as well as the ways it obviously is.

I hope this wasn't preachy or self-righteous bs :/ You just don't go hoarse for a player with no potential. (Partial quote from the movie Love & Basketball) I hope this clarifies things, or something
Best of Fate

 

[tbroken]

Seems like you made some very significant pushes towards improving yourself and just from this write up alone I can tell that you defeated some of the demons even though they were very small. I think you should keep going and save yourself.

Personally for me, I'm trying but I have lost my identity. I don't know how to act and how to talk to felow humans. Everyone instantly gives me weird looks. There's this constant pressure inside my head that I'm a weirdo worthless PoS loser which I've carried forever. I can't relax when talking to people, like EVER.

Usually when people engage in commmunication with others they are integrated in some sort of culture. After a few hours or days of akwardness people become connected. I can't feel this connection with anyone. Not with people, not with family. It's like I've been cut off from the rest of the world and meant to be numb stuck on an island forever. It's like I lost something in childhood that everyone else got. Maybe those are social experiences? Friends? Idk... A decade long isolation and internet addiction has crushed me.

Can you please tell me if the isolation was due to an illness or any other particular health condition or trauma? My isolation was caused by this and other very bad circumstances.
When i realized i was a human failure and even the worst ppl, scum and stuff were passing over me, i decided to isolate my self. I suck, i don't have an identity anymore and I hate myself, but at least I'm free to entertain myself for a little while before ending my life in total peace and freedom.
The main causes of my depression are my family and friends, i was really thrown in a very bad "spawn" point in this crappy life.
We only have one life, one chance to enjoy time on earth and in 33 years i did not collect A SINGLE good memory. I don't even cry anymore because I'm empty as fuck.
It is 18 years that I'm suicidal, this time I will finally kill myself.
Btw it is really like you said in the first post and it is especially for males to have a good father that directs them towards a good path/career in life, if you do not develop strong passions and GOOD and HEALTHY relationships at the very start of your life, you are screwed forever. You will be always searching for something missing or to recover from something that broke you. I dropped every thing i liked, was good at, studies and relationships. I was bullied by the worst ppl on earth, just because i was depressed and i got no self-esteem. I'm pitiful, I'm a scum.
If escaping or isolating was a possibility/exploit when i was young, now it is a necessity, i really don't stand anymore my life. I don't have any valuable human being calling me, knowing me or loving me... I'm total trash.

My situation is even worst than it seems because: I'm a unique son, i have decent wealth condition(mostly thanks to my mother), I'm kind of intelligent/smart and still I'm depressed as fuck thanks to a father I never wanted and never loved and really but really bad friends(they showed what they are lately in life and they are also total failures). I was bullied on purpose when i was young by SCUM, but i was to sad and i got so many personal problems that i did not figure out i was left behind by true/normal ppl and abused by harmful ppl. They literally destroyed me and they are still laughing for it.


I totally think that these are my last months on earth, the only things i will be grateful for will be this forum, internet, PC and videogames... the only real friends i got in this nightmare of a life.

I also think that the kinds of my father should never be able to procreate in this world. He is a total asshole, a frustrated POS that is only capable to hurt me and my mother and do not provide for the family. He left me with all possible burdens in this life and i know from a lot of time I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.

 

[MetroPunk]

Ugh isolation for a child seems like such a death sentence to me. I was isolated my entire childhood and by the time I was old enough to demand any kind of freedom for myself, the damage was done. I wish it wasn't the case but I do agree, you never fully learn all the skills you need, and even the stuff you do learn seems to be learned too late. I was raised by a very mentally unhealthy mother who locked me and my younger sibling in the house unless it was time for school. Never had friends, never got to bond with anyone really. It is just the worst. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

 

[tbroken]

Ugh isolation for a child seems like such a death sentence to me. I was isolated my entire childhood and by the time I was old enough to demand any kind of freedom for myself, the damage was done. I wish it wasn't the case but I do agree, you never fully learn all the skills you need, and even the stuff you do learn seems to be learned too late. I was raised by a very mentally unhealthy mother who locked me and my younger sibling in the house unless it was time for school. Never had friends, never got to bond with anyone really. It is just the worst. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

For me it is even worst. My parents su k but the ppl outside suck even more... It's a nightmare.

 

[lnlybnny]

being isolated since my teens is one of the reasons i HAVE to ctb. i never wanted to interact with people and take part in this society game, i love being isolated, i panic when i have to interact with them and feel my energy drained just being around them, it's so emotionally excruciating. i much rather spend my days alone but i can not live like this anymore as circumstances push you over the edge at a time or another and i reckon my time has come

 

[archiveofpain]

I believe it does, I can't really say I was completely isolated as a kid but there was always a looming sense of alienation towards my peers and friends due to growing with an alcoholic and neglectful parent. It only got worse when I entered my teen years and got bullied by my group of "friends", that was the last nail of the coffin that made me closed off completely and start pushing away people and I see this more clearly now that I'm in college and see how people around me are able to keep lasting friendships from highschool while I had none and I struggle to even make the first move due to social anxiety and RSD, it feels like everyone has their own life and friends and there's no place for me

Sometimes I just really feel like I'm an amalgamation of my circumstances which most of them were out of my control and that I'm doomed by them. And while I'm able to keep conversations going and appear to not be socially inept I'm unable to shake the feeling of how unfullfilling and superficial all my relationships are and how chronically lonely I am

 

[tbroken]

I believe it does, I can't really say I was completely isolated as a kid but there was always a looming sense of alienation towards my peers and friends due to growing with an alcoholic and neglectful parent. It only got worse when I entered my teen years and got bullied by my group of "friends", that was the last nail of the coffin that made me closed off completely and start pushing away people and I see this more clearly now that I'm in college and see how people around me are able to keep lasting friendships from highschool while I had none and I struggle to even make the first move due to social anxiety and RSD, it feels like everyone has their own life and friends and there's no place for me

Sometimes I just really feel like I'm an amalgamation of my circumstances which most of them were out of my control and that I'm doomed by them. And while I'm able to keep conversations going and appear to not be socially inept I'm unable to shake the feeling of how unfullfilling and superficial all my relationships are and how chronically lonely I am

Finally i came back to this forum, with high ctb intentions and i read this marvelous post that describes in a perfect way the shit I am. The only difference between me and you is that I'm 33, I'm unfixable, I'm beginning to become slow and tired also in my passions and since i had a very bad life, very bad parents, very bad friends and essentially a very bad life, i don't want to share my shit with anyone...
I really feel this is the perfect time for me to fly away, i just want to wait for the summer and high temperatures to end so they will not interphere with my SN Ctb plan.
My father, my so called dirty friends, everyone was there just to destroy me.... and you know what? I really don't know what the hell I did to deserve all this shit... i really don't know.

 

[DesperateOne]

I believe it does, I can't really say I was completely isolated as a kid but there was always a looming sense of alienation towards my peers and friends due to growing with an alcoholic and neglectful parent. It only got worse when I entered my teen years and got bullied by my group of "friends", that was the last nail of the coffin that made me closed off completely and start pushing away people and I see this more clearly now that I'm in college and see how people around me are able to keep lasting friendships from highschool while I had none and I struggle to even make the first move due to social anxiety and RSD, it feels like everyone has their own life and friends and there's no place for me

Sometimes I just really feel like I'm an amalgamation of my circumstances which most of them were out of my control and that I'm doomed by them. And while I'm able to keep conversations going and appear to not be socially inept I'm unable to shake the feeling of how unfullfilling and superficial all my relationships are and how chronically lonely I am

I relate to that last part so much. Somehow even through all of this isolation and repression I can still maintain superficial conversations or small talks. My parents and people that I talk to every blue moon say that apart from some small awkwardness/anxiety I seem completely normal. While I'm completely disconnected from people and culture around me, maybe I can keep up the normal appearance & small talk because I've been a professional bullshitter my entire life? Idk... Inside however I feel like an empty shell and as soon as conversations start getting a bit personal people quickly spot that something is not quite right on a deeper level.

 

[SnackNinja]

It certainly ruined my life.

 

[DesperateOne]

I always struggled socially (learning disability). Even when I had peers and "friends" growing up, I was too socially stupid to learn anything from it, or to even realize I was supposed to learn something from it due to ASD. Then, I developed chronic internet use at around 12 years old and lost the ability to make friends or have relationships.

Social ability really is a "use it or lose it" situation, and it takes almost no time to lose it, especially when you're young. It's so easy to get socially kicked out of society, and often times people who have only find out when it's way too late. Doesn't help that everyone is too busy teaching their 8th graders calculus while just magically expecting them all to succeed socially.

Same as you. I definitely think I have some sort of ASD mixed. I think I would be able to live out my life if it was just that, but yeah... internet addiction, specifically "social" media combined with severe isolation absolutely destroyed me.

Being online alone for 5-12 hours per day as a young developing mind does nothing good. I would do anything in the world to reverse time and go in a parallel world where social media is banned for minors, so I can live out my formative/developing years in the real world and among other people in my culture, which is now so damn foreign to me...

Don't get me wrong screen time is great in moderation, but lets be honest NOBODY (even vigilant adults) are using it in moderation these last 5+ years. In a decade once the damage becomes super obvious with Gen Alpha and Gen Z we will treat it similar to cigarettes.

 

[MarsProxy]

From personal experience, being isolated stunted my ability to socialize with peers; often attributed to "shyness." But that was probably my ADHD, and likely autism, hindering me as well. Along with having few to no friends in formative years that lived anywhere near me, I'd say it affected my outlook on life at a young age and has led me to become how I am now. I wouldn't say that I'm doomed; but life itself has little purpose as it is.

 

[Re62]

I can relate with this and I am certain several others here can as well, throughout my school years I was always been a loner, the silent kid no one interacts with.

School wasn't easy it was a suffocating experience, being alone while watching everyone else interact with each other, always made me feel like some sort of weirdo.

I never could have a proper intresting conversation, my social skills haven't increased much, I am still socially inept. Though I can say with certainty one thing has changed, I now hate any sort of overtly social environment and prefer being alone, no longer do I desire to have any sort meaningful interaction. Infact I despise human interactions now.

 

[Infinite Solipsist]

If I didn't have the internet to distract myself, I would have most certainly killed myself long before now. Until the very end of high school, the closest thing to friends I had were a handful of people I rarely or never saw outside of school.