Does being on this website make you feel better or worse?

[FuneralCry]

For me, there is nothing in this life that brings me any comfort or relief apart from the thought of non existence. Reading and posting about wanting to die does not make it actually happen and it does not achieve anything for me even know I wish that it would. Even with suicide method information, it is still difficult to leave this world. I am now afraid of hanging, I read about failed attempts and that is what holds me back from attempting, the fear that the method will fail and I will end up with damage. Reading about methods reminds me of what I am unable to achieve. Nobody should have to research suicide methods on the internet and go through complicated processes of trying to get a peaceful death. N should be easily accessible.

To me it is sad how websites like this even need to exist. We have all already suffered so much in life so we should not have to struggle when trying to plan our death. Trying to force suffering people to live is cruel and it is wrong how the society sees suicide as something that must be prevented. If I could get euthanasia, then I would be gone instead of posting about this yet again. This website does not make me feel better or worse but instead it just makes me feel empty.

 

[eternalflame]

It does make me feel better cause i'm not a vegetable yet, but i think i should feel bad that i am on such site where i can find comfort which i couldn't find in real life.

 

[Hope:-)]

I'm sorry you feel like this.

For me, this website gives me hope.
x

 

[ewigeruhe]

For me it doesn't make a difference how i feel but i don't feel much anyway but i have to admit these virtual hugs make me calmer in a way.
And sharing my thoughts with people in a similar state at least give me comfort that not all was for nothing.

 

[juraviel]

at first it made me feel better, only to later realize how fallible most of the methods are. for me it'd the best to ctb together with a group of "like minded" individuals that way i feel our chances would be best, whatever the method ends up ultimately be. so far to no avail

 

[SofterSoftest]

It's a mix of both for me, to be honest. SS makes me feel a bit more free emotionally, but at the same time, it reminds me about everything in my life that has made me chronically and irreparably suicidal. Ever since my N was seized, it also reminds me how close I came to a peaceful exit, and how I no longer have access to that. I don't think I'm brave enough for SN, so I'm kind of stuck in limbo until there's some other source of N that will reliably reach me.

 

[juraviel]

It's a mix of both for me, to be honest. SS makes me feel a bit more free emotionally, but at the same time, it reminds me about everything in my life that has made chronically and irreparably suicidal. Ever since my N was seized, it also reminds me how close I came to a peaceful exit, and how I no longer have access to that. I don't think I'm brave enough for SN, so I'm kind of stuck in limbo until there's some other source of N that will reliably reach me.

where do you live and when did it happen if i may ask. did they determine it's drugs or just couldn't determine what it is

 

[splashofvanilla]

Both
It has made me get off my chest feelings that i have denied for a long time yet made me aware of so many things that have made me miserable, it was like taking off a mental band aid barely covering a gaping hole.

 

[ghqkiiia2]

For me, there is nothing in this life that brings me any comfort or relief apart from the thought of non existence. Reading and posting about wanting to die does not make it actually happen and it does not achieve anything for me even know I wish that it would. Even with suicide method information, it is still difficult to leave this world. I am now afraid of hanging, I read about failed attempts and that is what holds me back from attempting, the fear that the method will fail and I will end up with damage. Reading about methods reminds me of what I am unable to achieve. Nobody should have to research suicide methods on the internet and go through complicated processes of trying to get a peaceful death. N should be easily accessible.

I agree with you about the part that methods like N should be much more easier to access, cheaper also.

To me it is sad how websites like this even need to exist. We have all already suffered so much in life so we should not have to struggle when trying to plan our death. Trying to force suffering people to live is cruel and it is wrong how the society sees suicide as something that must be prevented. If I could get euthanasia, then I would be gone instead of posting about this yet again. This website does not make me feel better or worse but instead it just makes me feel empty.

I am not 100% committed to CTB yet, though I think about it time to time. It makes me sad the degree of sadness and depression you are constantly trap in all the time, is just a part of my thoughts.
Hope things would be better for you, if you need someone to talk with, this website is the best, so I guess it means something to me due to that.
Anyway good luck and wish you well, find your peacefulness.

 

[stormed lucky]

more comfortable in my aim tbh, i could rant about my mental well being, but even on here my mind and external factors will take me, EUGENICS

 

[Lost in a Dream]

It's a mixed bag of feelings. Some days it makes me feel better to be here and know that this site exists. I like that I can admit to wanting to die and research different methods here, without worrying about censorship or having someone make me feel worse about myself because I don't have the same appreciation for life that they have.

Other days it makes me feel worse because there's so many people suffering here and there's nothing I can do to help. I don't have magical healing powers that can cure chronic illnesses, or the ability to save everyone from abuse and trauma. I don't have access to a warehouse full of peaceful methods to freely hand out to people who want them either. Hug reaction emojis and saying I understand what someone is going through are the best I can do, but it feels so pointless sometimes because it doesn't fix anything.

It's a mix of both for me, to be honest. SS makes me feel a bit more free emotionally, but at the same time, it reminds me about everything in my life that has made chronically and irreparably suicidal. Ever since my N was seized, it also reminds me how close I came to a peaceful exit, and how I no longer have access to that. I don't think I'm brave enough for SN, so I'm kind of stuck in limbo until there's some other source of N that will reliably reach me.

I'm sorry that happened to you. One of my worst fears is surviving a suicide attempt or having someone prevent me from doing so and taking away the only good method I have access to. If I lose my SN, I'm back at square one, and it might be harder to get more in the future once it gets taken from me. I'm sure it would be even more difficult to get N a second time.

 

[VirtualSnow]

Better actually, here I can actually express myself with way less restrictions.

 

[Un-]

Neither. This is just a place I spend all my hours in, because I don't have a life outside here. Hell, I don't even have a life in this forum. A lot of people hate me here. I have a lot of shit in my head that I can't even express, because I know that.. Y'know, in every group there's bound to be a loser. There's always going to be that guy too fucked up, too lonely, too whatever.. I stick to making posts on my profile, but it's just another thing I spend my time doing because I have nothing else. I don't feel the warmth from this forum that everyone else does. I don't feel comfort. I don't feel any enjoyment from here. I'm just waiting until I die, really.

I mean this place has it's perks. I like reading people's stories here. I have over 70 pages of bookmarks of the people here. And I do like some people here. You, FuneralCry, being one of them. But I can't help but feel that the moment I get my hands on sodium nitrite, I'll just leave immediately. No goodbyes. No regrets. No emotional ties. So, no. I feel indifference.

 

[noname223]

I feel better because of this community. It gives me empathy and communion. I am not the only one wth a horrible fate. I have the feeling writing here about my thoughts and emotions can be kind of therapeutical. It is like a valve. I clearly feel way less lonely due to this website.
I can be fully honest about my desperation.

I think if people feel like this website is making them feel worse they shoulsd stop visiting this website. This forum is full of suffering and people in agony. I can understand that some people get sad when they spend too much time in it. I have adapted some kind of rulese how I can keep a certain distance in order not to get affected in a bad way. One rule is for example to limit the time I visit this place. Maybe a forum with people with less severe cases or a loca professional would be the better choice for these people.

 

[nosurpries]

most of the time, better. i can actaually speak unfiltered about how i feel and see that others feel the same thing. being surrounded by pro lifers 24/7 is isolating and makes me feel like a freak all the time, like nobody understands at all. this is a place where i feel less alienated.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Hell, I don't even have a life in this forum. A lot of people hate me here. I have a lot of shit in my head that I can't even express, because I know that.. Y'know, in every group there's bound to be a loser.

I don't get why people would hate you. Maybe most people aren't aware of you because we don't see you around much. I was curious about your profile posts and there are definitely some interesting ones. Your ideas are just as valid as everyone else's, even if we all disagree about different things.

 

[PartlyHuman]

Better. Probably made it worse in the long-run since it made me somewhat desensitized to the whole topic but thanks to the site I no longer feel trapped in my life. It's not a prison anymore, it's a journey I can end once I'm ready and revisiting helps me to feel in control again.

 

[keitaro]

i haven't been here long, but so far this place helps me feel better since we can talk about things openly and decide for ourselves what path to take. and the method info helps me make a more informed decision about which way i could end things, which helps me feel more in control of life.

 

[annique]

To be honest, it makes me feel a bit better because I know I am not completely alone when it comes to wanting to die. Sometimes, though, it can make me feel a bit sadder when someone is saying goodbyes and that they are dying today, because I know we all will experience some sort of pain or discomfort when CTB'ing, since there is no easily-accecible humane method available.

I wish peace upon your soul.

 

[Job Joad]

I like this site because we can all just say how we feel, that life is unbearable and the only practical solution to making things better is death. If we said that anywhere else we'd be hospitalized (jailed), and possibly lose our jobs among other punishments.

 

[Lost Magic]

I'm not happy that anybody has to be here. It's a damn shame that life has brought us to this point, but the burden of society and health problems takes its toll after a while. I love this site. It has gave me a way to reach out to others who feel similar. It also gave me the knowledge to access some of the most peaceful ways to die. This suicide subject is one of the most taboo subjects in society. I believe many more people out there cover their true feelings up because they don't want to be ostracised by the so called 'normies'. So, as a whole I am better here than out there. I think anybody who is suicidal should have a peaceful way out but if the governments and healthcare won't give us access to these methods, we need to find out for ourselves. It's ultimately our choice. It's our bodies. So this is for the current bastards in charge fuck..ah...you!

 

[castler]

I like the theme of sites like this as at least I have support from like-minded individuals - which is important - it is sad it comes to this point, all of us want to enjoy life but like in my situation - i just feel so unwanted by society in general and I have lit. 2 friends - no family, I have virtually nothing to lose.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

It makes me feel really sad that there is so much dysfunction and suffering to human existence. It also makes me sad that life in general is really about survival and eating others to survive. I can't wait to die to see my mother again she went too soon. Life became even more empty as she was all I had as I had no real friends since 14, losing the gene lottery

 

[Julgran]

For me, there is nothing in this life that brings me any comfort or relief apart from the thought of non existence. Reading and posting about wanting to die does not make it actually happen and it does not achieve anything for me even know I wish that it would. Even with suicide method information, it is still difficult to leave this world. I am now afraid of hanging, I read about failed attempts and that is what holds me back from attempting, the fear that the method will fail and I will end up with damage. Reading about methods reminds me of what I am unable to achieve. Nobody should have to research suicide methods on the internet and go through complicated processes of trying to get a peaceful death. N should be easily accessible.

To me it is sad how websites like this even need to exist. We have all already suffered so much in life so we should not have to struggle when trying to plan our death. Trying to force suffering people to live is cruel and it is wrong how the society sees suicide as something that must be prevented. If I could get euthanasia, then I would be gone instead of posting about this yet again. This website does not make me feel better or worse but instead it just makes me feel empty.

You seem to be afraid of failing to end your life, which is understandable. Just for comparison, though, imagine that you decide to stay in this life until you die of old age - if so, you may die from all kinds of nasty illnesses, like cancer, and you will have no say in how the actual death process will work, in contrast to if you decide to choose a method with which you end your own life.

It's just a thought, and I understand that it's difficult. Life is not easy

 

[Kazeeemoo12]

Me and this site's relationship.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

It is unfortunate that such a site has to exist.

But I feel that it gives me a little feeling of control — I know that others feel the same way that I do, and that I can find information about methods if I really wanted to.

At one point I was really bent on leaving (but just deathly afraid of doing so), but after reading about the various methods and how they work, I'm not sure I want to anymore.

These days I don't feel much anyway…

 

[sweet_oblivion]

I think a place like this can be comforting to many because it's an open space without the judgement and restrictions that exist in society. It also really depends on what your ultimate end goal is, if you have a decent chance at recovery then somewhere like this can do more harm than good because it can be a very negative space. But if you are set on dying then having somewhere where you can connect with people who feel the same way is strangely calming.

 

[2dietmrow]

For me, there is nothing in this life that brings me any comfort or relief apart from the thought of non existence. Reading and posting about wanting to die does not make it actually happen and it does not achieve anything for me even know I wish that it would. Even with suicide method information, it is still difficult to leave this world. I am now afraid of hanging, I read about failed attempts and that is what holds me back from attempting, the fear that the method will fail and I will end up with damage. Reading about methods reminds me of what I am unable to achieve. Nobody should have to research suicide methods on the internet and go through complicated processes of trying to get a peaceful death. N should be easily accessible.

To me it is sad how websites like this even need to exist. We have all already suffered so much in life so we should not have to struggle when trying to plan our death. Trying to force suffering people to live is cruel and it is wrong how the society sees suicide as something that must be prevented. If I could get euthanasia, then I would be gone instead of posting about this yet again. This website does not make me feel better or worse but instead it just makes me feel empty.

I have to do it at some point man. To me im done complaining

 

[Lullaby]

I think I'm grateful that it exists, because this is probably the only place where I can share how I feel and get support from others who genuinely know what I'm going through.

But when you put a bunch of people who struggle emotionally in one place, I feel like arguments and drama can really take over threads at times, which can really push me away from being here. I like SS (and the internet) in doses or else I feel more drained.

 

[Hollowman]

neither