Discussion Does anyone struggle with internalized racism?

[CrazyDiamond04]

Sounds pretty gross thinking this but it's something I've been struggling with for a while. I'm mixed white-Hispanic but I've always found myself to be wishing to be fully white. I've always been paranoid about how I'm perceived and I've never really been immersed into the culture. I can't really go into the full extent of what I mean because it sounds insane but it's something that's always eaten away at me in a lot of ways. It sounds horrible when I say it aloud but I can't really talk about this anywhere else.

 

[R_N]

This might be controversial even here but humans of every race can suffer to equal measures.

So even if you were white you could have still suffered the same amount of pain regardless of different struggles.

We shouldn't gatekeep pain based on gender/race or whatever. I am not saying that you do, just that you are torturing yourself with these thoughts instead of trying to accept yourself as you are.

My first memories were me being judged for my nationality and treated cruelly by both adults and kids around me. But instead of me hating myself or that particular nationality that was hostile to me, I gained insight on how humans divide and now I see it everywhere I look.
My sister dealt with this irationally and she ended up in a religion of nationality that hated her. Just to prove herself.
Most people end up hating the other side but what she did is still the same to me.

When I was more emotional I found all of this overwhelming. How people group each other and judge instead of treating each other as individuals. It is sad really. Our nature...

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

This might be controversial even here but humans of every race can suffer to equal measures.

So even if you were white you could have still suffered the same amount of pain regardless of different struggles.

We shouldn't gatekeep pain based on gender/race or whatever. I am not saying that you do, just that you are torturing yourself with these thoughts instead of trying to accept yourself as you are.

My first memories were me being judged for my nationality and treated cruelly by both adults and kids around me. But instead of me hating myself or that particular nationality that was hostile to me, I gained insight on how humans divide and now I see it everywhere I look.
My sister dealt with this irationally and she ended up in a religion of nationality that hated her. Just to prove herself.
Most people end up hating the other side but what she did is still the same to me.

When I was more emotional I found all of this overwhelming. How people group each other and judge instead of treating each other as individuals. It is sad really. Our nature...

Yeah, I think I've mostly been able to accept and bury the feelings but it still comes out every now and then. I don't think my life would magically get better if I was fully white but it's just something I wonder about.

 

[reallysleepy]

Sounds pretty gross thinking this but it's something I've been struggling with for a while. I'm mixed white-Hispanic but I've always found myself to be wishing to be fully white. I've always been paranoid about how I'm perceived and I've never really been immersed into the culture. I can't really go into the full extent of what I mean because it sounds insane but it's something that's always eaten away at me in a lot of ways. It sounds horrible when I say it aloud but I can't really talk about this anywhere else.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have a some what similar experience
I have a some what similar experience. I show my self as proud of my heritage but deep down I wish I was white, it's just easier for them.
When I'm in spaces where everyone are poc I do feel connected and in peace with my race tho, I even feel happy I'm the way I am racially speaking. But I'm really light skinned so even in those spaces I feel like I don't belong.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have a some what similar experience
I have a some what similar experience. I show my self as proud of my heritage but deep down I wish I was white, it's just easier for them.
When I'm in spaces where everyone are poc I do feel connected and in peace with my race tho, I even feel happy I'm the way I am racially speaking. But I'm really light skinned so even in those spaces I feel like I don't belong.

Yeah, I get what you mean. I've never quite felt like I "belonged" to any group I suppose; it's tough. Tough to talk about too. I feel like I want to say more but I'm unsure of how to say it.

 

[Left]

This is probably universal among people with low self-esteem, which I'm not sure about you, but I assume many people on this site don't think too highly of themselves. I, for one, dislike many characteristics of myself, let alone my race, but I know it's irrational.

If you're anything like me, I doubt hypothetically, magically changing your race would do anything; there's probably a more deep-rooted problem at hand. You'd probably just find something else to be unsatisfied with.

 

[reallysleepy]

Yeah, I get what you mean. I've never quite felt like I "belonged" to any group I suppose; it's tough. Tough to talk about too. I feel like I want to say more but I'm unsure of how to say it.

Yes, being mixed has that solitude of not feeling part of any group.

I feel like I want to say more but I'm unsure of how to say it.

If you prefer to talk about this privately you can send me a pm ❤

 

[passivethought121]

To a degree? I don't think my race is automatically lesser than everyone else but I am very quick to think negatively of someone if they are annoying and my race.

 

[Riig]

Sounds pretty gross thinking this but it's something I've been struggling with for a while. I'm mixed white-Hispanic but I've always found myself to be wishing to be fully white. I've always been paranoid about how I'm perceived and I've never really been immersed into the culture. I can't really go into the full extent of what I mean because it sounds insane but it's something that's always eaten away at me in a lot of ways. It sounds horrible when I say it aloud but I can't really talk about this anywhere else.

It seems more to come out of a need to feel a connection to a Group rather than racism. Though if you want to be 'purebred' because you think it makes you feel more connected its just racist towards yourself since it seems like a coping mechanism blaming your race on your lack of connection. Cant say much more without context although ive seen the same sentiment from most People with Mixed descent especially in the West. By the end of the day if you live around People with an actual Culture that uphold their values they wont care what you look like aslong as you integrate culturally. But that only really counts to rural areas from my experience. Cultural cohesion generally blurs ethnic differences.

 

[silentcicada]

When I was younger I struggled with it, I'm also a white hispanic. Now I struggle with what group I even fit into lol. Too hispanic for whites, but too white for hispanics.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I can imagine it would be difficult. People think that race mixing doesn't have drawbacks and despite it becoming more acceptable, there can be downsides. Thankfully it's more common now so u can meet other mixed race people who will understand. Over time I think u will grow to accept yourself more, and it's important that u don't let this get u down too much. The people who will want to be in your life will not care u are mixed race. Those are the only people u should worry about. Embrace it, this is the challenge u were given. God wants u to be here.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah I guess so

 

[Pessimist]

I'm ethnically Jewish and I don't like Judaists (religious Jews), but I think it's more anti-religious than antisemitic/racist.