Does anyone relate to this?

[cozse<3]

I want to die asap. I wish this didn't take much effort. I can barely function, let alone plan things.

 

[TheMetalhead]

Maybe not asap, because I have all the means to do it right now; be it SN, hanging or attempting to stab myself again.
The only reason I didn't do it yet is lack of ideas on what to write in my suicide note, if anything at all.

 

[Wehmut]

Maybe not asap, because I have all the means to do it right now; be it SN, hanging or attempting to stab myself again.
The only reason I didn't do it yet is lack of ideas on what to write in my suicide note, if anything at alI.

I think writing suicide notes can be pretty hard. There is so much to say. I am not sure myself if I would want to use my note to inflict
damage to the ones reading my note/notes or if I want to come across like I am sorry for what I have done to myself. But I think taking the way out is a decision each individual should make on their own, regardless if it harms people. Although I wouldnt do it because of other people anyways. Also I dont want my last words on my note to be misinterpreted by anyone.

As for the original post, I can understand that planning ctb can be tricky, especially choosing a method is hard. Sometimes I even feel like, that I am to dumb even to kms but that just might be me.

 

[jbear824]

I definitely feel much urgency to ctb/die. There is greater suffering ahead of me if I live and I don't want to go through it. But I also can't ctb without directly and greatly, harming someone I love and care about more than the world, possibly leading to them losing their life as well. And I just can't bring myself to do that as the person I am.

So I continue to exist. Trapped. Trapped by fear and love. Wanting to die, but having to wait for an agonizing natural death.

I definitely understand wanting to die asap. You're not alone feeling that all the time.

May I ask what keeps you here? (No pressure to answer)

 

[peaches]

I definitely feel much urgency to ctb/die. There is greater suffering ahead of me if I live and I don't want to go through it. But I also can't ctb without directly and greatly, harming someone I love and care about more than the world, possibly leading to them losing their life as well. And I just can't bring myself to do that as the person I am.

So I continue to exist. Trapped. Trapped by fear and love. Wanting to die, but having to wait for an agonizing natural death.

I definitely understand wanting to die asap. You're not alone feeling that all the time.

May I ask what keeps you here? (No pressure to answer)

Hi,
My situation is very similar to yours.
I don't want to be here and I feel trapped.
I'm having more horrible days than survivable days.
My spouse has a serious, progressive illness and deserting him would be really difficult. But in a way, I never give myself the credibility that I also am broken emotionally and staying here every day is unbearable suffering.
When do I put myself first?
At various times in my life, I have stayed here to avoid hurting other people and that reason it's just not good enough anymore.
I am also here, because I cannot bear more suffering and the methods available lead to suffering.
The word, trapped, is where I am.

 

[cozse<3]

I definitely feel much urgency to ctb/die. There is greater suffering ahead of me if I live and I don't want to go through it. But I also can't ctb without directly and greatly, harming someone I love and care about more than the world, possibly leading to them losing their life as well. And I just can't bring myself to do that as the person I am.

So I continue to exist. Trapped. Trapped by fear and love. Wanting to die, but having to wait for an agonizing natural death.

I definitely understand wanting to die asap. You're not alone feeling that all the time.

May I ask what keeps you here? (No pressure to answer)

The only reason I'm still alive is because I need to source SN and antiemetics. Once I have what I actually need I want to go ahead with it asap. I assume this is what you meant by your last question.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Can relate <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly despise how suicide is so unnecessarily difficult in this dreadful world, it really should be easier to be free and I understand that it really can be so tiring feeling trapped here. I just wish there's the option to just instantly fall into an eternal sleep. But anyway, I hope that you eventually find what you search for.