Does anyone know you're suicidal?

[Sweet emotion]

Do you ever tell anyone how badly you want to die? And when you do, does anyone say.....well if you were serious about it you would have done it already. People in my family have said that to me. I don't think any of them know how serious I am about it. I had to wait a while to save up enough drugs that would kill me. I'm sure they're going to all be very surprised when they get a phone call that I'm dead but honestly, with the physical pain that I'm in every day and the guarantee that I'm never going to live any quality of life, do they think I'm going to go on like this forever? It's already been 14 years since I've gotten complex regional pain syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history at 20 years old. I'm 34 now and have not lived a day of my life since that pain started. I've just been existing while I've watched others fall in love, go to work, travel, get married, have babies..?even though I never wanted babies haha. But do they think we can keep this up forever? I love that line. If you wanted to die you'd have done it already. I've even been told to kill myself by members of my family. I know they don't mean it but they just get aggravated with me.

 

[BPD_LE]

Nope. I said it once and got the 'don't be stupid' line. So I don't say it now.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I did tell a buddy of mine a few years ago I want to die. He doesn't know how serious I am. I haven't said anything in a long time.
I don't want him to get in any trouble if I eventually do CTB.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

I did tell a family member. She was very understanding and supportive, didn't panic, didn't say anything dumb or threatened me in any way.

But I did make her sad. But I don't know how to avoid that. She's the only person I'm going to write a note too.

 

[ronigail9]

Yes. I've told every one of my immediate family members and short of laughing and saying you're not going to do it or ignoring me they all do not realize they are going to be sorry they didn't take it seriously. While my mother is being unnessarily impatient with me and annoyed at me being myself if only she knew that I am not going to be here. I would appreciate having a farewell but no one would actually take it seriously.
The only other friend I have knows and understands.

 

[Heart of Ice]

No. But after I go, all the people around me swear that "they saw the signs".

 

[Amz_Falls]

Only you guys, that's why I'm so grateful for this site.

 

[okaoki]

no , they won't care anyways

 

[Numbtopain97]

only my ex knows and he doesn't give a fuck .

 

[Pony]

My friend went to the hospital with me after a failed attempt so id say he knows

 

[Belter]

Nope just me.

 

[malummo]

yes, i am preparing close family members so that they can cope more easily and have understanding.

 

[Erin Inari]

Yea, my family knows now when I was first sent to the hospital. It's faded into the background now I think but I don't think that it will really be a surprise if I do end up going.

 

[BobbyPellitt]

I hinted being suicidal to my mom years ago and she just laughed it off. I don't bother hiding my general distaste towards life anymore. The funny thing is, on the event of my death, my family would probably say the same cliche about how they NEVER see it coming and I was always happy. Really? 7 years of anxiety and total isolation and they NEVER see any signs? rofl

 

[AnonymouslyBlue]

No one knows except the people on this site. It's both an empowering and lonely feeling

 

[wanttodie]

no

 

[Lethe]

My grandma and mom know. That said, I don't think it would come as a surprise to anyone who knew me, if I were to go.

 

[Rachel74]

Yes, my partner, my sister and niece, my step dad and a colleague at work and all of Facebook. My pity posts are rather pathetic.

 

[Dreamwithinadream]

Everyone close to me knows. But I'm sick so they understand.

 

[Rachel74]

Yes, my partner, my sister and niece, my step dad and a colleague at work and all of Facebook. My pity posts are rather pathetic.

My only problem is the effect it will have on my 18 year niece who is also very fragile with MH. Seeing her the end of October to see a private Dr as my sister couldn't be arsed to do it and only thought of the money! Arghhhhhhhhhh

 

[GeorgeJL]

All my family and friends know that I'm going to end in when I'm an old man and they have accepted it

 

[Sweet emotion]

No. But after I go, all the people around me swear that "they saw the signs".

Haha yeah that always happens doesn't it?

 

[fettuccinee]

My girlfriend, my ex-step father, my mother, my uncle, a few friends, & my twin brother all know.

I get asked if "I'm okay" every hour of every day; I'm grateful for them but sometimes I feel they look at me like I'm untrustworthy or..even crazy.

 

[JTG1972]

Probably every other day I catch myself joking to my wife about wanting to "just sleep forever and never wake up". Once I even started to put her hands on my head with my face in the pillow, as if to ask her to smother me. She usually just swats at me and tells me we have to get up, teases me gently because she thinks I'm just sleepy/being silly. I don't think she knows that I mean it, and that aside from SI kicking in I really wouldn't mind if in the end she just did it. No more suffering and I'd be right next to her until the end, you know?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Nope I talked a lot about suicide years ago to some people close to me and they both told me to stop because it made them depressed so I learned the lesson to never speak of it again and pretend I am fine.

 

[Let'sgetoutofHERE]

No, nobody knows

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Yes. They don't care. They used to love me, noe they hate me so they don't care anymore...

 

[JimFord99]

Yes. They don't care. They used to love me, noe they hate me so they don't care anymore...

Sorry.
To the OP, no, nobody knows. I quickly realised the importance to put a false 'mask' on my face. As long as you smile they believe you are Ok. Good believe.

 

[mynameispaige]

One person outside of here knows. But he said I can't talk about it with him. That it's depressing, makes him uncomfortable and he doesn't want to feel responsible if I die. That conversation didn't end well and I learned my lesson about telling people anything about this.

 

[C_F]

It's sad when our close friends and family aren't there for us more when we tell them. Personally this has made me more suicidal.