Does anyone know you're suicidal?

[JimFord99]

One person outside of here knows. But he said I can't talk about it with him. That it's depressing, makes him uncomfortable and he doesn't want to feel responsible if I die. That conversation didn't end well and I learned my lesson about telling people anything about this.

That is a very loyal and caring attitude if I may say so. Love that.

 

[inthespines]

Nope I talked a lot about suicide years ago to some people close to me and they both told me to stop because it made them depressed so I learned the lesson to never speak of it again and pretend I am fine.

One person outside of here knows. But he said I can't talk about it with him. That it's depressing, makes him uncomfortable and he doesn't want to feel responsible if I die. That conversation didn't end well and I learned my lesson about telling people anything about this.

This kind of reaction saddens me. Would they react the same way if you were suffering from some "real" terminal desease.

- I've got terminal cancer.
- Yeeeeah, can we talk about something less depressing?

 

[AlmostFinished]

If I tell someone about the job -> I would be removed and forced to visit the company's medical service.
If I tell my family -> I would be admitted to a mental health center.
If I tell my friends -> I would be admitted to a mental health center.
A couple of days ago I decided to tell strangers ... and here I am.

 

[Ness]

Honestly, I haven't told a single person outside of this site (technically I haven't outright said it here either) and I have no intention of doing so. I don't want the responsibility of preparing people for my death because I'm already so tired and I just don't want to go through that stress. I don't trust people pretty much at all, I've seen what people who love each other can do to each other even without such a situation and if something is going to go wrong then it's going to happen after I'm dead and won't have to feel responsible for their actions. Plus I don't want anyone watching me so they can stop me. When I'm ready to go, I want to be able to just go.

 

[JimFord99]

Agree, keep it quiet, after all, this will be your thing, nobody else's. Most failures happen because the CTBer is being found and rescued.

 

[Hotsackage]

I'd so it now. But I dont want my mom finding my body

 

[welshie84]

My sister knows as she took me to the hospital after I woke up from my amitriptyline od. My friends and other family know I'm depressed but not how bad

 

[JimFord99]

My sister knows as she took me to the hospital after I woke up from my amitriptyline od. My friends and other family know I'm depressed but not how bad

This will be just a matter of time.

 

[Rdc]

I've mentioned my wanting to die to my parents and sister. They just tell me I need to get some professional help. They probably think I'm bluffing and won't go through with it. I've been seriously considering suicide but every time I decide on a method I have second thoughts. I finally took the first step by ordering some sn today and will order the meto soon.

 

[JimFord99]

Just take your time and consider your options. Don't rush into anything.

 

[welshie84]

This will be just a matter of time.

Very true. I ordered my meto the other day and I spent the rest of the day happy and smiley like a kinda relief . Weird

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yep, dad & step mum- of course said 'you would have done it aleady'- (step mum) dad-silent and blanking-like in my whole life. Even though I have already tried! I know they are just waiting for me to get on with it-the only thing I have been told is- not to do it in their house- everytime I go out for a walk-and normally to try and attempt every time- I feel SO guilty when I come back alive each time. I can see and sense their disappointment that I have returned.

 

[JimFord99]

Very true. I ordered my meto the other day and I spent the rest of the day happy and smiley like a kinda relief . Weird

I had that same feeling when I got all my gear to CTB. Almost a sense of pride to have achieved something (finally)

 

[welshie84]

I had that same feeling when I got all my gear to CTB. Almost a sense of pride to have achieved something (finally)

I felt excited! Finally my pain will soon be over. Yea I understand that, I was a bit of a panicky mess trying to narrow down what I needed and where to get it.

 

[ImSorryEmma]

I believe I told my parents like once or twice that I was gonna commit suicide but this was during an argument with them so they thought I was trying to be manipulative to them at the time, and other than that I have told nobody

 

[JimFord99]

I believe I told my parents like once or twice that I was gonna commit suicide but this was during an argument with them so they thought I was trying to be manipulative to them at the time, and other than that I have told nobody

Classical and typical reaction. Best thing to keep it quiet if you are serious about it.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

I love that line. If you wanted to die you'd have done it already. I've even been told to kill myself by members of my family. I know they don't mean it but they just get aggravated with me.

Maybe they're not deliberately saying it in a mocking, daring manner? Maybe they're kind of trying to say, "If you truly didn't want to live and had absolutely no hope left, you would have given up a long time ago. So that means part of you still wants to live! OMG Happy times! Yada yada yada."

 

[Chantal]

yes, i am preparing close family members so that they can cope more easily and have understanding.

I've been doing this with my family too... It's very hard for them. But it must be even harder to see us suffering and languishing over and over and over again, year after year, decade after decade. Our death is a rest for us and a should be a relief for them.

 

[Nifi]

Yeah almost all friends and family members knows it. But i want to die because of a physical illness were i don't want to deal with anymore. So maybe its easier for me to tell.

 

[Pony]

Probably every other day I catch myself joking to my wife about wanting to "just sleep forever and never wake up". Once I even started to put her hands on my head with my face in the pillow, as if to ask her to smother me. She usually just swats at me and tells me we have to get up, teases me gently because she thinks I'm just sleepy/being silly. I don't think she knows that I mean it, and that aside from SI kicking in I really wouldn't mind if in the end she just did it. No more suffering and I'd be right next to her until the end, you know?

Sometimes I think about asking my boyfriend to kill me but I dont think he would be up for it

 

[justanotherday]

I have learned the hard way to watch who I tell. I never tell any kind of mental health worker, because then I might find myself put on a psych. ward. Also, I once told a friend and she had the police sent over to my house because she thought she was going to " save" me.

 

[LonelyLight]

When I was first diagnosed with depression I told someone I was feeling that way and it was kinda like ah "you'll be grand once the meds kick in". That was years ago and I have since taken myself off all meds cause I'm all better :-D well, so they think :-/ ...
Isn't it mad how easy it is to pretend to be someone your not, to pretend you feel one way when you actually feel another..

 

[JTG1972]

Sometimes I think about asking my boyfriend to kill me but I dont think he would be up for it

I've considered asking my wife before—as more than just a joke, I mean—but it's such a risk. And if I asked and she said no I'd probably not be let alone enough to do it myself. Plus, worse, if she said yes she might go to jail for helping. I want to set her free of the burden of me, not trap her more or ruin her life even more.

 

[EmptySteph62]

My best friend knows but I could never tell her I'm on here or that I have a plan... she would have me locked up for sure although I know she just wants to help.

 

[deflagrat]

My parents know. The psychiatrist, mental health nurses, and even the social worker knows. They didn't do anything about it.

 

[ChristopherWalken]

I'm amazed at the callous reply your family gave you.
Somehow I've told 3 of my closest friends at different times when I was drunk. I regret it immensely. It's a lot to put on another person if they are your actual friend if there's nothing they can do about it. That's just my personal feeling though due to my hopeless situation, I think most others might be helped by sharing with someone who actually cares. 2 of my friends said it would be a selfish act, I had to bite my tongue to not tell them it's selfish to insist a person who wants to die continue on in suffering so that those around them not suffer.

 

[Chantal]

I'm amazed at the callous reply your family gave you.
Somehow I've told 3 of my closest friends at different times when I was drunk. I regret it immensely. It's a lot to put on another person if they are your actual friend if there's nothing they can do about it. That's just my personal feeling though due to my hopeless situation, I think most others might be helped by sharing with someone who actually cares. 2 of my friends said it would be a selfish act, I had to bite my tongue to not tell them it's selfish to insist a person who wants to die continue on in suffering so that those around them not suffer.

They don't realize that mental illness is as lethal as other serious diseases.

 

[k75]

I've told a few people, including my therapist, but I said I didn't have a plan or really intend to hurt myself. So they know I'm struggling but aren't really worried. I wanted help and didn't know how else to get it. From those people, I heard "I'm sorry" and nothing else came of it.

My best friend knows. He's extremely concerned, although he thinks I have it under control. I have told him about the thoughts and feelings, though, and he checks up on me constantly. I promised him I'm safe.

I lied.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Probably everybody in the city knows that I'm suicidal. My stupid parents just won't shut up and stop telling everyone, including strangers, about how I tried to overdose on pills months ago. They seem to love to make me look crazy and embarass me. Even my Godmother heard about it, and she became very worried about me which is not good for her health. She's one of the few people that I care about, so naturally it made me furious, and I told my parents to stop talking about it. It didn't had any effect.

 

[Ruffian]

I have learned the hard way to watch who I tell. I never tell any kind of mental health worker, because then I might find myself put on a psych. ward. Also, I once told a friend and she had the police sent over to my house because she thought she was going to " save" me.

I did this twice and I will never do it to anyone again.
Everyone. My bf works 3rd shift and the first thing he checks for in the morning is if I'm breathing. He even told me he can't see me dying a natural death, no matter what my situation is. My 2 best friends are guys and they just don't know what to say. The one is really objective and supportive though. He's like, I'm not going to tell you not to do it, because you always do what you want to do,