Help Does anyone know non-lethal ways of CBT? Like, a way to give it a test drive?

[PearlPudding]

I'm not at a point where I want to fully commit to cbt, but I want to try a method to see if I'm ready for it. I've heard that when you're dying, sometimes there's a very euphoric feeling while you're slipping away. Is there some way I could hang myself and feel the effects of dying, but not hang myself too long to the point I'll get brain damage?

Sorry this sounds so cowardly. I'm at the point where I'm semi-ready to kill myself, I just hate how permanent it is. Any help would be great!
^-^

 

[anastenka]

You could practice with partial hanging, I have done it a few times and got close to passing out before stopping. Just be careful in making sure that your ligature is not tied to anything, so in the event of you passing out, you simply fall to the floor and don't actually hang yourself.

 

[PearlPudding]

Thanks! Is there a prefered position I should hang myself in? I don't exactly have a rope, so unfourtunately I'll have to use a belt. The best place I have is my closet, but I don't want household members coming in and discovering me.

 

[Tesha]

It doesn't sound cowardly, but it does sound risky.

IMO anything that could feasibly result in death shouldn't 'just' be tested; unless you are certain you want to CTB. It could easily go right and end up in your death when you weren't ready.

 

[anastenka]

Thanks! Is there a prefered position I should hang myself in? I don't exactly have a rope, so unfourtunately I'll have to use a belt. The best place I have is my closet, but I don't want household members coming in and discovering me.

I did it on my wardrobe door knob and held the other end of the rope to control how much force I was putting into my throat. It does take a few tries to get the carotids right though, there is a thread on here about this

 

[willitpass]

I would strongly advise against "trial runs". This isn't a couch you're trying out, this is playing with life and death. Things could go wrong and you successfully CTB when you aren't ready to. Messing with death when you aren't ready is not a great idea. I understand wanting to see what it's like, but it's not worth it IMO.

 

[Eudaimonic]

I've heard of people practicing with partial by holding one end of the rope instead of tying it off at the anchor point, and then positioning themselves so that they fall onto a mattress or smth. I think that, when safe, it can make sense to do quasi-trial-runs where one rehearses the steps without fully committing or putting oneself in harm's way.

 

[PearlPudding]

I would strongly advise against "trial runs". This isn't a couch you're trying out, this is playing with life and death. Things could go wrong and you successfully CTB when you aren't ready to. Messing with death when you aren't ready is not a great idea. I understand wanting to see what it's like, but it's not worth it IMO.

Thank you. I've never really thought about it like this, honestly. I have so many ambitions and goals I want to achieve in my life, but I'm just tired of waking up in the morning and feeling depression + being born in a shitty home life, so I want to consider this as an option. But hearing this makes me rethink just a tiny bit.

I don't know which path to take.

 

[willitpass]

Thank you. I've never really thought about it like this, honestly. I have so many ambitions and goals I want to achieve in my life, but I'm just tired of waking up in the morning and feeling depression + being born in a shitty home life, so I want to consider this as an option. But hearing this makes me rethink just a tiny bit.

I don't know which path to take.

If you aren't yet set on CTB, do you have any ability to change some things? Move out eventually, maybe try some therapy or meds, get a different job, etc? If you still have dreams and ambitions I would hate for them to be taken away from you when you weren't ready yet. Maybe a change of situation could give you a new perspective on things. I know it won't happen overnight, but if you have it in you to make changes little by little and then reevaluate in say, a year or two? The choice to CTB will never go away, but once you CTB the choice to live is gone.

 

[PearlPudding]

If you aren't yet set on CTB, do you have any ability to change some things? Move out eventually, maybe try some therapy or meds, get a different job, etc? If you still have dreams and ambitions I would hate for them to be taken away from you when you weren't ready yet. Maybe a change of situation could give you a new perspective on things. I know it won't happen overnight, but if you have it in you to make changes little by little and then reevaluate in say, a year or two? The choice to CTB will never go away, but once you CTB the choice to live is gone.

I've actually been doing that quite recently.

I've been going outside more, trying to get a job (I have two job interviews coming up, one of them I already finished, the next is tomorrow), reaching out to mental health services and recently joined the wsitlist for a new apartment being built. Despite all these good things, it's the fact that no matter how good things get, I still daydream about killing myself every day.

I've realized that existing, within itself, takes too much effort. Going your whole life being told "it gets better eventually" and basically holding onto what if's and maybes sickens me. I have all these good things and a semi-better environment, and I'm still sad. I feel the same as I did in middle school. (For context, I've had depression ever since I was 12. I'm 18F now. I've had to do this alone before I was even a teenager.)

It's hard to put this in words that make sense, but TLDR; I'm tired of having to put in so much effort just to exist. I'm done with having to fight for the bare minimum. I don't want to fight so hard just to experience three seconds of happiness.

I want to live, not survive. If existing takes this much effort just to be happy, then maybe dying sounds a bit better. When I'm dead: I won't exist. Existing = painful
Dead forever = wont experience pain because no longer existing

Sorry this got a bit venty haha. I wanted to explain a bit more why I'm here. d(￣ ￣)

But your words mean something to me, thanks. Again, it makes me reconsider a bit. You're kind!

 

[willitpass]

I've actually been doing that quite recently.

I've been going outside more, trying to get a job (I have two job interviews coming up, one of them I already finished, the next is tomorrow), reaching out to mental health services and recently joined the wsitlist for a new apartment being built. Despite all these good things, it's the fact that no matter how good things get, I still daydream about killing myself every day.

I've realized that existing, within itself, takes too much effort. Going your whole life being told "it gets better eventually" and basically holding onto what if's and maybes sickens me. I have all these good things and a semi-better environment, and I'm still sad. I feel the same as I did in middle school. (For context, I've had depression ever since I was 12. I'm 18F now. I've had to do this alone before I was even a teenager.)

It's hard to put this in words that make sense, but TLDR; I'm tired of having to put in so much effort just to exist. I'm done with having to fight for the bare minimum. I don't want to fight so hard just to experience three seconds of happiness.

I want to live, not survive. If existing takes this much effort just to be happy, then maybe dying sounds a bit better. When I'm dead: I won't exist. Existing = painful
Dead forever = wont experience pain because no longer existing

Sorry this got a bit venty haha. I wanted to explain a bit more why I'm here. d(￣ ￣)

But your words mean something to me, thanks. Again, it makes me reconsider a bit. You're kind!

I understand that. I've been depressed since I was 9. I'm in my early 20s now. Even my good periods are still integrated with passive suicidality, and they don't last long before a major depressive episode pops up where it's impossible to do even the bare minimum. I'm sorry life brought you here. If you manage to hold on, I hope you get the peace you deserve. If not, I truly am sorry that's how life went for you. I hope you find peace one way or another.

 

[PearlPudding]

Thanks so much. This made me tear up a bit.

I'm glad you exist.

 

[uzuf86]

Wondering why OP would want non-lethal ways of CTB. I feel it will be really horrible to live like a broken vegetable, not just to myself, but also to people around me because they need to keep taking care of me all day

 

[willitpass]

Wondering why OP would want non-lethal ways of CTB. I feel it will be really horrible to live like a broken vegetable, not just to myself, but also to people around me because they need to keep taking care of me all day

I don't think they mean a method that will harm them but leave them alive. They mean something they can "test" and then stop before they get to close to essentially get a feeling of what it will be like when they actually do it. Trials are risky though, people have died doing practice runs that went too far.

 

[uzuf86]

I don't think they mean a method that will harm them but leave them alive. They mean something they can "test" and then stop before they get to close to essentially get a feeling of what it will be like when they actually do it. Trials are risky though, people have died doing practice runs that went too far.

Thanks for clarifying..I cannot think of any ways except for asphyxiation, which can still prematurely kill you

 

[Anon1337]

Don't practice hanging. It's very easy to lose consciousness and your body weight will then keep you unconscious until you die.

 

[silence ends]

DMT ingestion maybe?
Makes feel like you "die" since your ego vanishes for a while.
Via vaporizing it lasts only like 15minutes but the experience itself can feel like much longer.
Experiences with dmt made me sure i want to ctb and i dont fear death anymore, only the way getting there makes me bit nervous

 

[J&L383]

I do agree that life should be more than "existing" I believe that life should be enjoyed. Yes, there are things that are going to hurt and there's pain, and there is ugliness all around, but there's also beauty and goodness. If, on balance, there's more good than bad and you're having more fun than not, then I think keep on living. If you're not sure, then err on the side of living.

As for trial runs, RISKY!!

 

[PearlPudding]

I do agree that life should be more than "existing" I believe that life should be enjoyed. Yes, there are things that are going to hurt and there's pain, and there is ugliness all around, but there's also beauty and goodness. If, on balance, there's more good than bad and you're having more fun than not, then I think keep on living. If you're not sure, then err on the side of living.

As for trial runs, RISKY!!

It's a little difficult for me.

I have a lot of fun and life's becoming somewhat more positive now that I've been going outside more often and getting a job, but on the other hand it's getting more painful due to how exhausting living is.

It feels as if I'm teetering on the side of life and death to be honest.

On one hand I want to keep living and don't want to give up my dream of becoming a professional artist and being together with my online friends irl...

...yet on the other hand I don't want to keep going back "home" while also experiencing the weight of existence.

This thread helps me reconsider, while on the other hand I'm debating trying partial hanging. It seems like it has more risk than reward, tho. （ ｉ _ ｉ ）

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Don't try this unless you're ready to accept the worst-case scenario of accidental death.

 

[PearlPudding]

Don't try this unless you're ready to accept the worst-case scenario of accidental death.

Alright. Thank you! I will reconsider. (^-^)