Help Does anyone know how I can get myself to end it???

[JustBeingHere377]

I know that this isn't a dumb question because I can't ask people who already decided to CTB successfully, but does anyone know how I can do that? Every time I stop immediately, sometimes it's the pain, other times it's fear, other times I just snap and violently get up and stop doing everything immediately... Idk if I should be proud of my extremely strong self-conservation instinct but I absolutely hate it. I thought about pushing myself to my limits but no matter what I do I CAN'T do it. Please help me out I literally can't go on with this :(

 

[ferrie]

Sorry if this comes across rude or anything, but it sounds like you aren't entirely ready to go through with it. Which isn't to question that you want to or your situation, I just know for me personally whenever I've had trouble starting an attempt or seeing it through, it was because I wasn't 100% ready. Is there anything you feel like you still need to do or that you might regret? If not & it truly is severe SI, I don't think there is a surefire way to overcome that, SI is very subjective

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Sorry if this comes across rude or anything, but it sounds like you aren't entirely ready to go through with it. Which isn't to question that you want to or your situation, I just know for me personally whenever I've had trouble starting an attempt or seeing it through, it was because I wasn't 100% ready. Is there anything you feel like you still need to do or that you might regret? If not & it truly is severe SI, I don't think there is a surefire way to overcome that, SI is very subjective

Sometimes that's the case but SI is ridiculously hard to overcome. People trapped in burning buildings have literally been too afraid to jump.

 

[ferrie]

Sometimes that's the case but SI is ridiculously hard to overcome. People trapped in burning buildings have literally been too afraid to jump.

Yep that can definitely happen & I'm not passing a personal judgement, just bringing up a possibility that I've experienced!!

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Yep that can definitely happen & I'm not passing a personal judgement, just bringing up a possibility that I've experienced!!

It could be a mixture of the two as well. That's the most painful of all. The SI and the other thing.

 

[ferrie]

It could be a mixture of the two as well. That's the most painful of all. The SI and the other thing.

True, it's extremely painful to struggle through SI & those last few thoughts of clinging to life. For me, my SI has completely gone away once I've handled anything left that I want to do & I'm sure that I won't have any regrets. Ime SI can largely go away once you've transitioned from wanting to escape the pain to wanting to die bc there are subtle differences between the two

 

[AllAlone]

I have the same problem but I think your chosen method has a lot to due with it. I think hanging yourself or something more prolonged is going to be more difficult to overcome SI. I haven't been able to overcome SI when trying to hang myself but I think I could shoot myself if I had a gun since it only takes a moment of courage to go through with it.

 

[LaughingGoat]

Sometimes that's the case but SI is ridiculously hard to overcome. People trapped in burning buildings have literally been too afraid to jump.

Definitely but those are cases where people are scared of the potential pain or death from jumping not a case where they are seeking death. The path to removing SI is to remove those fears and be devoid of hope or desire to live.

 

[Forveleth]

If you're not ready, you're not ready. It's all a mental game and no one but you can do anything about that. There are some things you can do to help:

• Don't set a date. Giving yourself a deadline puts pressure on you and turns your attempt into an event surrounded by anxiety.
• Be familiar with your method. Know why it works. Know how it works. Know the exact steps you are going to take. Run through the steps in your head or IRL if you can safely do so. Try to turn it into a routine.
• Plan for it. Schedule emails, write out passwords, write notes, close accounts, etc. Give yourself a sense of closure.
• Medication. Sometimes benzos or alcohol can help you relax when the time comes. Just be aware that these substances can diminish your coordination and reasoning which may affect your ability to execute your plan.

The best thing is not to force it. It's the biggest decision you will ever make and shouldn't be made hastily.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Definitely but those are cases where people are scared of the potential pain or death from jumping not a case where they are seeking death. The path to removing SI is to remove those fears and be devoid of hope or desire to live.

Yes, I use the burning building as an analogy for the kind of life that pushes one to want to ctb in the first place. I agree though.

 

[JustBeingHere377]

Sorry if this comes across rude or anything, but it sounds like you aren't entirely ready to go through with it. Which isn't to question that you want to or your situation, I just know for me personally whenever I've had trouble starting an attempt or seeing it through, it was because I wasn't 100% ready. Is there anything you feel like you still need to do or that you might regret? If not & it truly is severe SI, I don't think there is a surefire way to overcome that, SI is very subjective

I don't know, I'm just scared of it for whatever reason. The thought of not knowing how it feels scares me. I also got over the fact that people will feel sad if I do it, I really have nothing else to do or that I'll miss. No projects, no job, no romantic relationships, no crushes :(

I have the same problem but I think your chosen method has a lot to due with it. I think hanging yourself or something more prolonged is going to be more difficult to overcome SI. I haven't been able to overcome SI when trying to hang myself but I think I could shoot myself if I had a gun since it only takes a moment of courage to go through with it.

I tried blood choking myself but every time my vision starts to fade I snap and immediately remove everything

If you're not ready, you're not ready. It's all a mental game and no one but you can do anything about that. There are some things you can do to help:

• Don't set a date. Giving yourself a deadline puts pressure on you and turns your attempt into an event surrounded by anxiety.
• Be familiar with your method. Know why it works. Know how it works. Know the exact steps you are going to take. Run through the steps in your head or IRL if you can safely do so. Try to turn it into a routine.
• Plan for it. Schedule emails, write out passwords, write notes, close accounts, etc. Give yourself a sense of closure.
• Medication. Sometimes benzos or alcohol can help you relax when the time comes. Just be aware that these substances can diminish your coordination and reasoning which may affect your ability to execute your plan.

The best thing is not to force it. It's the biggest decision you will ever make and shouldn't be made hastily.

thank you!! I'll keep trying then haha, also I'll keep all of that in mind

 

[ferrie]

I don't know, I'm just scared of it for whatever reason. The thought of not knowing how it feels scares me. I also got over the fact that people will feel sad if I do it, I really have nothing else to do or that I'll miss. No projects, no job, no romantic relationships, no crushes :(

I tried blood choking myself but every time my vision starts to fade I snap and immediately remove everything

thank you!! I'll keep trying then haha, also I'll keep all of that in mind

Are you afraid of the feeling of ctbing or the death itself? It's also possible to miss things in life that you never got to have, some people need to grieve life before they're ready to let go. For me, I didn't feel ready to ctb until I stopped caring about what I didn't get to have, and then a lot of the fear went away too

 

[JustBeingHere377]

Are you afraid of the feeling of ctbing or the death itself? It's also possible to miss things in life that you never got to have, some people need to grieve life before they're ready to let go. For me, I didn't feel ready to ctb until I stopped caring about what I didn't get to have, and then a lot of the fear went away too

I know that it feels like stopping feeling everything, but that exact thing freaks me out. I CAN'T know how it feels. Ok it suddenly stops, but how does it feel? How does not feeling feel? Ok it's like sleeping but you don't feel sleep, you just wake up after. That's the main thing that scares me. Also the few times I don't feel scared my subconsciouss goes rogue and I immediately stop :( Also idk, I don't want to live anymore really. If someone gave me a choice between living happily forever and dying I'd pick death because I'm tired of this lmao

 

[ferrie]

I know that it feels like stopping feeling everything, but that exact thing freaks me out. I CAN'T know how it feels. Ok it suddenly stops, but how does it feel? How does not feeling feel? Ok it's like sleeping but you don't feel sleep, you just wake up after. That's the main thing that scares me. Also the few times I don't feel scared my subconsciouss goes rogue and I immediately stop :( Also idk, I don't want to live anymore really. If someone gave me a choice between living happily forever and dying I'd pick death because I'm tired of this lmao

It sounds like you're afraid of the act of dying bc until that point you WILL feel something. Different people will say different things, but from my experience, your comparison of sleep is very apt. I've been near a death a couple of times & it literally just was like I was asleep & then woke up in horrible pain being revived. You don't actively experience that you were feeling nothing until you're being resuscitated & are suddenly feeling everything again. I imagine you'd go out without ever being aware of that "nothing" unless you believe in an afterlife or smth of the sort

 

[rozeske]

It usually comes down to being fully ready but even then it is not an easy and straight forward thing to do. Not only will you be letting go of the only existence you ever known to face the unknown, you will also be fighting with a survival instinct that is engraved in your nature to keep you alive as it did for so many years and kept humanity going. Sadly there are many questions about suicide no one really knows the answers to, except those fortunate enough to have won that fight or lost, whichever way you look at it.

 

[uniquealiengrunt]

Sorry I posted this and disappeared guys. I guess I really and truly am not ready. Living through everyday is painful from the time that I wake up but if I'm not ready I guess it won't happen. I would like to think that we get a fresh chance at life again or that there's something good waiting at the other end but not knowing and the pain it would inflict on my siblings is too strong I guess. I'll just keep trying to push myself to continue going at this point. If I keep self sabotaging like I've been doing the past few years maybe I'll work up the courage to do it eventually. Thank you to all that replied and I wish you all the best even though I know people typically aren't on here because they're life is going great.