Does anyone keep a journal?

[wait-for-the-bus]

Does anyone keep a journal?.

I have ever since I was a teenager I have kept my thoughts hidden in personal journals. There are lots of pages related to CTB but always in a coded language that would not be so obvious to a casual reader that may look through it.

But since I have been on SS I have felt I have opened up more than I ever did with my own journal. Not so much in volume but depth of feelings. I feel quite safe here. It's a marvellous feeling.

Do other people keep journals? Do you feel safer writing about personal thoughts on this forum more than your own journal.

 

[oohiniyorafaad]

I wouldn't say I've been consistent with keeping one physical journal with all my thoughts, but I have written on pieces if paper and go to my notes app usually and put my thoughts down, usually about how I'm feeling with regards to ending my life, etc. I think having it in my own phone makes it feel more private/secure, but I do often like to write down on paper or in a diary what is written in my phone or online just so it feels more real and I can physically hold it and read through it. New to SS, but so far it does some like I would feel safe opening up here

 

[Sherri]

Yes, I'm trying to write a book about my life, once I start writing it's amazing how things you thought you already forgotten flowing easily with the pen. I'm on paper note pad 3.

 

[Myl]

I wish I could keep a journal but every time I try to on my phone I end up reading over whatever I have written and delete it.

My "conversations" with some people who were willing to put up with my shit for several years (I pushed them too much and now they're gone now though) could be considered a really messy and unorganized type of journal since it pretty much covered my entire life.

It's hard to do anything consistently for me so at this point I'm probably not going to start writing a journal or anything like that.

The closest thing I have now is all of my notes from when I was warded the last time which reads kinda like a journal, a extremely sad and depressing one.

 

[wait-for-the-bus]

How do you write?

I find I first visualize what I want to write and then I write about what I saw. When I do that for my fiction the characters start saying and doing things that surprise me. ( it's a technique and nothing more)

 

[demuic]

I have tried multiple times throughout my life, but nothing ever happens in my life that I want to remember, it only reminds me of how boring my life is, so I would always stop after a day or so.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really have nothing to say. I am empty. There is nothing to write about other than how my life is not worth living.

 

[Pattonman42]

I used to write in a journal. I had heard and read that writing one could help with depression but learned that writing my personal thoughts down in it only made me feel worse about myself. Every terrible and hateful and depressing and regretful thought I ever had only revealed to me how shitty a person I actually was (I had always felt like I was a shitty person but seeing how your mind works written out before you - via reading them back - only solidified that thought about myself). If anything, writing in a journal helped me to justify to myself that I shouldn't live anymore and that I'm not worth anyone's time or effort. It revealed just what a failure I actually am.

 

[little helpers]

I write a lot on substances and addiction. the medical, social, personal/ interpersonal, community, policing, policy aspects of it. everything drugs (including psych meds) and addiction. I was even on the benadryl sub (I was so curious 'bout their side of the experience), cuz I wanna make sure I'm getting all perspectives.

so I got an endless list of digital records of them. the writings. these are very much analogous to a journal for me. it's not entirely academic nor personal. just what comes out of my life, some suicidal lil fucker who studied too much neuro to be cold copping on the streets, and got too many track marks to go back to fucking college.

I sorta wish these can get published after I'm dead. I just don't know if that's gonna make up for some of the debt I owe my mom, or get her into debt.

for laughing out loud, man.

 

[Arot]

Yes! I've been writing about my everyday life, my thoughts and other stuff since 2018. I plan to release all these pages and documents that I wrote after or minutes before CTB. I want my life to be meaningful to others.

 

[wanttodie]

yes i do for years know

 

[wait-for-the-bus]

yes i do for years know

I write in my journal almost every day - not necessarily about CTB - but taking moments to meditate about the day to come.