Discussion Does anyone here ever get happy while looking up suicide methods?

[Life sucks]

I'll never give up. And I don't mean staying in this life. I mean I'll quit it no matter what. If not now, later. If not today, tomorrow. I'll keep searching and knowing more until I reach it. Of course knowing its possible will make me "happier". The hope of getting rid of this shit

 

[Ssname]

It helps me to know there can be and end if I choose it. I think I know a fair bit about different ways to end my life at this point which makes me feel in control kind of.

 

[Tiburcio]

I'll never give up. And I don't mean staying in this life. I mean I'll quit it no matter what. If not now, later. If not today, tomorrow. I'll keep searching and knowing more until I reach it. Of course knowing its possible will make me "happier". The hope of getting rid of this shit

That's exactly how I feel. That's the only war worth of fighting for.

 

[ScaredOfLife]

I wouldn't say I feel happy, but it makes me feel better to know I have an exit plan. Life really is unbearable for me.

 

[Rocky M]

I wouldn't say I feel happy, but it makes me feel better to know I have an exit plan. Life really is unbearable for me.

Same here

 

[Cemeterylife]

So true. I've always wondered if it's abnormal to feel so good looking up suicide methods.

Well, some might say it is abnormal to look up suicide methods at all (and personally feel those people are wrong-if people were able to be more honest the commonality would likely be more apparent)

Personally I take great comfort in fantasizing about how, when, where etc, and doing the research is actually uplifting and reassuring. I am grateful for the internet to have made this easier!

 

[charlixoh]

It makes me anxious because none of them are guaranteed and I'm really ready to go, you know?

 

[JustAnotherSuicider]

Right now thinking and reading about suicide is only thing that bring my any joy in my life. I just imagine that my suffering will over soon and I feel relief. It's ironic, but thinking about killing myself just keep my alive at the moment.

 

[Despondent]

Right now thinking and reading about suicide is only thing that bring my any joy in my life. I just imagine that my suffering will over soon and I feel relief. It's ironic, but thinking about killing myself just keep my alive at the moment.

I agree. It's also especially comforting ❤

 

[Deepjoy]

Absolutely

 

[Sue]

For these last couple of years I've been a frequenter of certain suicide method websites when I'm depressed and I get this ridiculously happy feeling when I read up on the different methods. I feel like I'm in control of my life when everything else is going to shit.

So do I

 

[WillSterben]

Oh yesss, I do! So much!

 

[Deepjoy]

Yes happy but sometimes confused

 

[FuneralCry]

Thinking about leaving this world does comfort me a lot. My death is the one thing that I can control. I do not want to go through the dying process though, I simply want to disappear. When I look at methods it does make me feel better in a way, knowing it is my way out but at the same time I see many methods as unpleasant and I think about the SI and the fact that I could fail one. I fantasize about falling into an eternal sleep and thinking about that makes me feel better.

 

[StevieNixs]

For these last couple of years I've been a frequenter of certain suicide method websites when I'm depressed and I get this ridiculously happy feeling when I read up on the different methods. I feel like I'm in control of my life when everything else is going to shit.

Yes immensely.. and perhaps bizarrely and the highlight of my day seems to be coming onto this site..
Reading up on the methods makes me want to try them all - well not really, but you get what I am saying. But the only issue was that reading up on all of the methods made me change my mind a few times. I initially planned on the rope, then, I moved to my morphine/oxy/etc cocktail, then I changed to Night-Night, now I'm settled on SN. It's good to have choices. Last time I tried back in 2007 it was the helium method but my SI kicked it and that did not work out.

 

[Pisceslilith]

In the back of my mind I have comfort knowing that I have the control to end my life anytime but at the same time, looking up methods makes me upset because I can't do them right at this moment. I want to go now so bad but can't and that makes me so angry.

 

[wanttodie]

Yes happy

 

[pole]

i think it's peaceful having a method in mind and better yet, having your method at your disposal, so you know that you can go at any time.

 

[Cannedbones]

It gives me "hope"; I can escape whenever I want to, whenever things become too unbearable. It makes me feel calm and tranquil knowing that an escape route is right around the corner and I just need to pull the trigger and disappear forever.