When I was younger from birth until I was 15 years old I always considered myself as a Christian, went to church with my family every Sunday and Wednesday. We were very active in the church anytime they had a special event we went. My family gave 10% of our earnings every Sunday, I even did it with my allowance money. Essentially the average church going family.
I would say it wasn't until I was around 13 that I started to see behind what I was being taught. There were lots of little clues that I was piecing together in my last years of going to church.
Before I get into it I just want everyone to know I'm aware that not all churches and Christians are like this. I'm sure most of them are perfectly fine with genuinely good people.
My church thought of almost everything as ungodly so you had to beg god for forgiveness everyday for just even being alive cause were supposedly born sinful. One of the first things that tipped me off about my church was, I would like to bring some of my friends from school with me for context, one day I brought a friend from school, he was black. Everything went well people were nice to him and he was respectful even though he wasn't the type to go to church.The pastors wife came to me the next time I went to church and tried to insinuate that I should no longer bring him because "he looked a bit uncomfortable not being around his own kind" Which he wasn't at all uncomfortable from what he had told me, he enjoyed it because they made him feel welcomed, but I was young and I didn't want to start anything so I just said okay and let it go. It did seem like they were being a bit racist in the back of my mind but I told myself nah they must've just misread him or something, I mainly didn't want to believe the people I looked up to were racists.
Then after a while another issue I had with this particular church was EVERYONE was in competition with one another. Whether it be money or faith they would let you know discreetly if you were doing something they deemed wrong, if you weren't doing enough for the church, you know like guilt trip you to some degree. They wouldn't allow the women to wear a skirt at or above the knee, which wasn't a problem with me, but looking at it now it seems a bit extreme. All of the kids there hated me because my family didn't have nearly as much money as they did so I pretty much didn't have any friends there.
Lastly and most importantly, the main reason I couldn't take it anymore was the fact that there was this much older man probably late 40's or so, would always hit on me and try to get me to sit with him, not my family or the other kids. He was a well respected man in the church, so occasionally I would. After a while he would do really strange things like buy me gifts and sometimes when I sat with my family I would get a glance behind me and EVERYTIME I looked back there he was just staring at me not looking away. It creeped me out so much I tried to get my parents and even the pastor to get him to stop staring at me I was 14 years old, it was so weird. And all they would say is he just had a little crush on me and he's a little slow, he probably didn't understand it was wrong to just sit and stare at an underage child, I understand he may not have been all the way there but no one talked to him about it or tried to tell him how uncomfortable I was with it. He was the pastors brother so that's probably why everyone was taking up for him. But the fact that for 2 whole years I had to feel violated and constantly looking over my shoulder when I went to the bathroom or anywhere in the church really took its toll on me and I just had to get out of there, I dreaded going to church at that point, what was a fun thing turned out to be a chore.
He never actually tried anything with me because the only time I saw him was at church. I'm sure if we saw each other outside of the church though he wouldn't have hesitated to try something. It may seem like I was being dramatic, my family sure thought I was. But even sometimes to this day I shiver thinking about what could've happened if I'd stayed at that church and he'd somehow would've gotten me alone.
So now it's safe to say I'm not a Christian I haven't been to church since, though I know most Christians are not like this, I will probably not change my views. Having been through that and my sisters husband coming on to me when I was a teen I just don't want to be apart of that anymore even now at 25. I can't imagine the girls and boys who are actually sexually assaulted, raped and taken advantage of by someone they trusted and looked up to. It's people like predators and the people who protect them that's one of the reasons I don't want to be on this earth anymore. People can be just despicable sometimes and I don't want to live in a world where people who are held it high positions can do whatever they want and victims are silenced.
Sorry, I kind of went off topic but this is pretty much the reason I personally don't believe in god and many other reasons as well but this has gone on long enough.