Does anyone have tips for writing letters?

[Rustysoupcan]

As the title says, does anyone have tips? I want to write letters to my parents and possibly my ex who is still my friend - but I have no idea what to say. I wish I was able to write an essay on how much I love them and how they shouldnt hate themselves for this, but that's only about 2 sentences.

 

[LastFlowers]

Sorry, wish I could help but I've somehow gone through the phase of wanting to say everything to everyone, to realizing that I'm better off saying nothing, it will all just be twisted and misunderstood in the end.
The only thing I'm planning on leaving behind are general requests and instructions for after my death, which I wish I could funnel through legal counsel so that I didn't have to worry about any family members (or otherwise) disrespecting my wishes when I'm not there to advocate for myself.
If I had it my way, I would make it so that they weren't even informed until long after my ashes were tossed.

I think if you really are hellbent on leaving some parting words behind, you should start by just writing without too much thought, a brainstorming/rough draft of sorts, then go from there. It would be in bad faith for us to tell you what to say, it must come from you and you alone, and that much your family may find some solace in.
If they love you, they will be glad to have a piece of you and your truth, don't overthink it unless you're worried they might share it with people who will exploit it. (Which btw, depending on where you leave these letters, it's possible and even probable that the police/first responders will get to them first, and they may withhold them from the intended indefinitely..I'm talking up to a year or more before they may even be allowed to read them, depending on what the protocol is of your local department, please be careful and keep that in mind.)

 

[Crazy4u]

you don't have to write long letters. If you feel comfortable to share the reason for your CTB, please do. It might help them find closure

 

[1nhibition]

Sorry, wish I could help but I've somehow gone through the phase of wanting to say everything to everyone, to realizing that I'm better off saying nothing, it will all just be twisted and misunderstood in the end.
The only thing I'm planning on leaving behind are general requests and instructions for after my death, which I wish I could funnel through legal counsel so that I didn't have to worry about any family members (or otherwise) disrespecting my wishes when I'm not there to advocate for myself.
If I had it my way, I would make it so that they weren't even informed until long after my ashes were tossed.

I think if you really are hellbent on leaving some parting words behind, you should start by just writing without too much thought, a brainstorming/rough draft of sorts, then go from there. It would be in bad faith for us to tell you what to say, it must come from you and you alone, and that much your family may find some solace in.
If they love you, they will be glad to have a piece of you and your truth, don't overthink it unless you're worried they might share it with people who will exploit it. (Which btw, depending on where you leave these letters, it's possible and even probable that the police/first responders will get to them first, and they may withhold them from the intended indefinitely..I'm talking up to a year or more before they may even be allowed to read them, depending on what the protocol is of your local department, please be careful and keep that in mind.)

Are you 100% sure police withhold letters? I have multiple friends abroad who may not even know of my passing if it isn't for letters. Planning to ctb wednesday and was banking on my parents sending out the letters... May focus more on effectiveness and send the letters out tomorrow because of this. Plz get back to me if I can thanks.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

When my bf ctb he left letters for me and each of his kids. We got our letters without delay. But he did leave the letters at his home and he ctb at his dad's home. I think the police would only take what is at the crime scene. The police actually asked my bf dad if he wanted the gun or any of the soiled items but his dad asked them to destroy everything. It was a clear cut suicide.

 

[LastFlowers]

Are you 100% sure police withhold letters? I have multiple friends abroad who may not even know of my passing if it isn't for letters. Planning to ctb wednesday and was banking on my parents sending out the letters... May focus more on effectiveness and send the letters out tomorrow because of this. Plz get back to me if I can thanks.

I knew someone with a family member who had this happen, they left notes/letters and they were taken for nearly a year (the person I knew only got to read one of the letters somewhat because they were first on the scene, but that one they read was also taken), then I researched it further and found that it's common, that is what I'm basing my statements off of. But I cannot say for every police department, they don't all operate the same and it also depends how suspicious your suicide is going to come across as.
Another thing: location, I won't give mine away but your mileage may vary based upon where in the world you are located.

Are you planning on leaving them all for your parents?
I assume your parents aren't aware of your plans so they can't contain the letters somewhere safe until they are sent out.
I think this is one of the reasons some here opt for scheduled emails or delayed texts.
If you are sure of your plans and don't foresee any roadblocks, you could just send them out beforehand and I'm sure they would not be delivered until after your passing. (But then you might feel bound by the fact that they are sent, and then if you change your mind or realize it's too soon, you might feel pressured to go ahead anyway, which wouldn't be a very good or fair situation for yourself.)
Or if you trust your parents not to hand them over to police, you could stash them all somewhere the cops would be unlikely to look, but somewhere your parents surely will, maybe even sending one delayed text or email (if possible on your end) to hint at the location of these letters.
Could make copies too and put them in separate places, just to be safe (unless you want them to be handwritten originals.)

When my bf ctb he left letters for me and each of his kids. We got our letters without delay. But he did leave the letters at his home and he ctb at his dad's home. I think the police would only take what is at the crime scene. The police actually asked my bf dad if he wanted the gun or any of the soiled items but his dad asked them to destroy everything. It was a clear cut suicide.

Yup, I believe in all the cases that I've come to know about, all letters obtained were usually from the crime scene itself or at the same location.
As long as letters found elsewhere aren't driven straight to the station, a separate location can be a decent idea.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

I knew someone with a family member who had this happen, they left notes/letters and they were taken for nearly a year (the person I knew only got to read one of the letters somewhat because they were first on the scene, but that one they read was also taken), then I researched it further and found that it's common, that is what I'm basing my statements off of. But I cannot say for every police department, they don't all operate the same and it also depends how suspicious your suicide is going to come across as.
Also, location, I won't give mine away but your mileage may very based upon where in the world you are located.

Are you planning on leaving them all for your parents?
I assume your parents aren't aware of your plans so they can't contain the letters somewhere safe until they are sent out.
I think this is one of the reasons some here opt for scheduled emails or delayed texts.
If you are sure of your plans and don't foresee any roadblocks, you could just send them out beforehand and I'm sure they would not be delivered until after your passing. (But then you might feel bound by the fact that they are sent, and then if you change your mind or realize it's too soon, you might feel pressured to go ahead anyway, which wouldn't be a very good or fair situation for yourself.)
Or if you trust your parents not to hand them over to police, you could stash them all somewhere the cops would be unlikely to look, but somewhere your parents surely will, maybe even sending one delayed text or email (if possible on your end) to hint at the location of these letters.
Could make copies too and put them in separate places, just to be safe (unless you want them to be handwritten originals.)

I just wrote it in a word document on my computer labeled "letters". I plan on leaving the password to my computer so they can get on it. I think they could guess my password even if i dont leave it, but im not gonna try to make them guess anything

 

[LastFlowers]

I just wrote it in a word document on my computer labeled "letters". I plan on leaving the password to my computer so they can get on it. I think they could guess my password even if i dont leave it, but im not gonna try to make them guess anything

I think that is a fair idea, I doubt the police are going to keep (if they even take it, I know they take laptops, but I'm not sure they will bother with a larger system) your computer as long as a piece of paper.

But everyone should know that they take phones too, they love taking devices and seeing if they can search through them.
Personally I'm going to destroy mine.

 

[Onthe29th]

Nope, I've written the same letter about 5-6 times now

 

[little helpers]

one thing I've done multiple times is, I record them a song. to my friends, that is.

love can be expressed in so many ways. to alleviate their doubt, to calm their anger, to absolve them of self-blame, to cheer them up, to let them grieve, to keep them company in some ways, without your presence.

so many times when I listen to music I don't even realize the person's been dead for years or decades.

just my two cents.

 

[NumbItAll]

Spoiler: Actual input

You could start with a list of things you want to say, then convert those points into a draft. Or you could try just writing a stream of consciousness and then later refining that into something more sensible.

 

[1nhibition]

Are you planning on leaving them all for your parents?
I assume your parents aren't aware of your plans so they can't contain the letters somewhere safe until they are sent out.
I think this is one of the reasons some here opt for scheduled emails or delayed texts.
If you are sure of your plans and don't foresee any roadblocks, you could just send them out beforehand and I'm sure they would not be delivered until after your passing. (But then you might feel bound by the fact that they are sent, and then if you change your mind or realize it's too soon, you might feel pressured to go ahead anyway, which wouldn't be a very good or fair situation for yourself.)

Yes. I'm planning it super peaceful in my bbed. I'm super excited. I was just going to leave a bunch of letters on my nightstand and hoped my parents would send them out. This is a gamechanger though. I guess you're right in that I was scared to schedule emails because it would feel more restraining rather than letters being sent out after I'm 100% gone. I'm failing to consider my parents maybe NOT wanting to send them out for whatever reason/whats out of my control.. May just go with scheduled emails now. Or maybe send out the letters the day before. Idk.

 

[LastFlowers]

Yes. I'm planning it super peaceful in my bbed. I'm super excited. I was just going to leave a bunch of letters on my nightstand and hoped my parents would send them out. This is a gamechanger though. I guess you're right in that I was scared to schedule emails because it would feel more restraining rather than letters being sent out after I'm 100% gone. I'm failing to consider my parents maybe NOT wanting to send them out for whatever reason/whats out of my control.. May just go with scheduled emails now. Or maybe send out the letters the day before. Idk.

If you send the letters in more of a 'package' form, it's possible if any plans change, you could just opt for intercepting the packages and having them returned to sender before they reach their destination (if it came to that, so there would still be room to breathe.)
But that sounds more like a hassle than anything, and it would be pretty expensive the more letters you have..if your post service even allows for that action to take place (mine does).

And yea, I know it's hard to cover all the bases, probably why I just decided to eliminate some and not bother.
I've personally had my own mother make a hundred promises to me, but I'm still doing what I can to ensure that she has no choice but to respect my wishes.
I'm telling you, you give the living enough breadth and they will find a way to fuck shit up and find "loopholes" in their minds which justify straying from the path that the deceased requested them to follow.
Maybe you can trust your parents to follow the breadcrumbs, but we really never know if they will.

 

[1nhibition]

If you send the letters in more of a 'package' form, it's possible if any plans change, you could just opt for intercepting the packages and having them returned to sender before they reach their destination (if it came to that, so there would still be room to breathe.)
But that sounds more like a hassle than anything, and it would be pretty expensive the more letters you have..if your post service even allows for that action to take place (mine does).

And yea, I know it's hard to cover all the bases, probably why I just decided to eliminate some and not bother.
I've personally had my own mother make a hundred promises to me, but I'm still doing what I can to ensure that she has no choice but to respect my wishes.
I'm telling you, you give the living enough breadth and they will find a way to fuck shit up and find "loopholes" in their minds which justify straying from the path that the deceased requested them to follow.
Maybe you can trust your parents to follow the breadcrumbs, but we really never know if they will.

Thank yyou so much.