I guess im bidding my time venting before my time comes. One of the irksome things that pushes me towards ctb is sex and relationships. Im not virgin but to learn how no one is interested in you either friendly, sexually, romantically(telling by their actions) has taken a toll on me, took whatever good worth of me was left. Can anyone relate?
carnivalforone
Experienced
- Sep 29, 2023
- 244
relatable but i am basically a virgin its been years and im 19 and i feel like its all over. ive always been a sucker for love and now seeing as im omw to becoming a professional neet i dont see a happy future for myself
KuroiSH
bus tickets are expensive
- Mar 29, 2023
- 281
Definitely. It's honestly so crushing to know that no one is interested in me in any form. I truly believe I'm destined to die alone; loveless, partnerless, without anyone to care for.
LastLoveLetter
Persephone
- Mar 28, 2021
- 657
In a sense, yes I can relate to this.
My physical disabilities and chronic illnesses mean I'm not desirable. Not as a romantic partner. Not as a friend. Not as a companion.
Additionally, I have a long history of sexual abuse and rape beginning as a child. This has permanently warped my relationship with sex in such a profound way.
At this point, my libido has - somewhat inexplicably - returned with a vengeance, despite my physical pain and fatigue. Yet I am unable to act upon this desire. Firstly, I need to trust someone to let them touch me. Secondly, finding someone I trust on that level requires the capacity to meet people and connect with others in the first place. My conditions render me largely housebound, so that's not happening. Finally, it requires people actually perceiving me as an attractive and worthwhile companion.
I have also been sexually assaulted several times in the last year alone, because I'm treated as an easy target. One former "friend" assaulted me after a few drinks. Another manipulated me into believing I was special to him, got me into bed and then proceeded to violate my boundaries and consent in numerous ways, including biting my face and attempting to choke me.
I'm too scared to even try again, if I could get out of the house again to begin with.
It just reinforced that I'm either perceived as defective and undesirable, or as someone to overpower, use and discard, just the way it's always been.
My physical disabilities and chronic illnesses mean I'm not desirable. Not as a romantic partner. Not as a friend. Not as a companion.
Additionally, I have a long history of sexual abuse and rape beginning as a child. This has permanently warped my relationship with sex in such a profound way.
At this point, my libido has - somewhat inexplicably - returned with a vengeance, despite my physical pain and fatigue. Yet I am unable to act upon this desire. Firstly, I need to trust someone to let them touch me. Secondly, finding someone I trust on that level requires the capacity to meet people and connect with others in the first place. My conditions render me largely housebound, so that's not happening. Finally, it requires people actually perceiving me as an attractive and worthwhile companion.
I have also been sexually assaulted several times in the last year alone, because I'm treated as an easy target. One former "friend" assaulted me after a few drinks. Another manipulated me into believing I was special to him, got me into bed and then proceeded to violate my boundaries and consent in numerous ways, including biting my face and attempting to choke me.
I'm too scared to even try again, if I could get out of the house again to begin with.
It just reinforced that I'm either perceived as defective and undesirable, or as someone to overpower, use and discard, just the way it's always been.
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Aww man you hit right where it hurts, it truly has destroyed any tha was left of my self steam, it really makes you feel like a sub-human. i wihs i could give you some corage words, but all i could says is you get used to it whit time....sort off, im soryy you gotta go through this
