Does anyone experience PTSD?

[level_playing_field]

I have struggled with PTSD for 5 years now and I'm so tired. I relive the pain everyday. I have been treated for this for the last 4 years and have not found any luck. It is so disheartening to have medication after medication not work or make my symptoms even worse. It has really taken a toll on me. I can't sleep, I am up almost every five minutes with flashbacks in the form of nightmares and am terrified all of the time. I puke so often throughout the day from anxiety and can't keep food down. I am really trying my best, but I have had no relief. It hit me today that it's been five years. I don't know if there is help out there for me. What if I am plagued by this for my entire life? What kind of life would that be? I am desperate for relief and help, but nothing has worked. I have tried various forms of therapy and have had many therapists over the years. I have tried almost every medication under the sun. I find no benefit. I wish I could sleep so badly. I'm tired of feeling so sad and scared all of the time and I think about CTB often just for the relief of it all.

Is anyone in the same boat as me or have you been? Is there any relief? I'm tired of suffering and pushing through. I just want rest, I just want peace.

 

[Marine]

I'm a complex (developmental, long term, many traumas) PSTD expert ...

Adressing the root issue is kind of all I think can heal, in my case though it keeps me from my vital needs to the best I can do is cope with distractions (games are excellent for that, otherwise videos help, it can be something calming or something on the subject that helps you while being wary of potential triggers) or grounding practices and anything that alleviate the torture until I can unlock access to what I need... Right now all I can do is dissociate unfortunately since I was retraumatized too severely today...

I don't think medication can help but some natural substances can be helpful. For instance essential oils, CBD / weed, some herbal teas.

Have you tried a hypnotherapist, acupuncture practioner or homeopath by any chance ? Sometimes therapy can help but finding a competent therapist is a challenge. I can't say a single one has truly helped me over 2 decades, but that's my personal experience and my trauma is older and more primal too.

Telling yourself it's not real / it's a lie (not that you didn't experience it but that you're not worthless, you don't deserve it and it doesn't belong to you) might help. Especially when flashbacks come, try telling them to go away like you would be chasing away a fly and immediately focusing on something else might help reducing the reality and impact. If you're dissociating / lost in negative thoughts consciously focusing single mindedly on your immediate environment can help, sometimes touching a table or a wall or listening to local sounds brings you back to the here and now. Alternatively you might want to comfort yourself and validating your feelings of injustice. Whatever helps most.

Have you identified the unmet need associated with your trauma ? Healing from trauma is experiencing the opposite. In my case for instance it would be love, belonging, safety, connection, incarnation / physical integrity, care / affection... All of these stem from love though, that's the primary unmet need (and worst case scenario). Can you find any way that would bring you closer to meeting that need(s) ? Can you find a way to make yourself safer right now, such as curling up in your bed wrapped in a blanket while holding a plushie or looking at anything natural like trees, listening to tibetan bowls etc ?

Honestly if you have access to that genuine connection and loving support is what I truly believe the only way to heal any kind of trauma. You may need to fully face it when in such a safe environment to process it but it's certainly impossible alone. If it keeps you from connecting with people we're in the same boat and finding how to unlock that access is key...

I'm really sorry you're going through this hell too. Here's a hug and a Hamtaro :

 

[Octavia]

Apparently I am exhibiting signs of cPTSD, even though I only have a faint idea of what it is. Kind of fascinating to learn that I am more broken than initially anticipated, really.

 

[level_playing_field]

I'm a complex (developmental, long term, many traumas) PSTD expert ...

Adressing the root issue is kind of all I think can heal, in my case though it keeps me from my vital needs to the best I can do is cope with distractions (games are excellent for that, otherwise videos help, it can be something calming or something on the subject that helps you while being wary of potential triggers) or grounding practices and anything that alleviate the torture until I can unlock access to what I need... Right now all I can do is dissociate unfortunately since I was retraumatized too severely today...

I don't think medication can help but some natural substances can be helpful. For instance essential oils, CBD / weed, some herbal teas.

Have you tried a hypnotherapist, acupuncture practioner or homeopath by any chance ? Sometimes therapy can help but finding a competent therapist is a challenge. I can't say a single one has truly helped me over 2 decades, but that's my personal experience and my trauma is older and more primal too.

Telling yourself it's not real / it's a lie (not that you didn't experience it but that you're not worthless, you don't deserve it and it doesn't belong to you) might help. Especially when flashbacks come, try telling them to go away like you would be chasing away a fly and immediately focusing on something else might help reducing the reality and impact. If you're dissociating / lost in negative thoughts consciously focusing single mindedly on your immediate environment can help, sometimes touching a table or a wall or listening to local sounds brings you back to the here and now. Alternatively you might want to comfort yourself and validating your feelings of injustice. Whatever helps most.

Have you identified the unmet need associated with your trauma ? Healing from trauma is experiencing the opposite. In my case for instance it would be love, belonging, safety, connection, incarnation / physical integrity, care / affection... All of these stem from love though, that's the primary unmet need (and worst case scenario). Can you find any way that would bring you closer to meeting that need(s) ? Can you find a way to make yourself safer right now, such as curling up in your bed wrapped in a blanket while holding a plushie or looking at anything natural like trees, listening to tibetan bowls etc ?

Honestly if you have access to that genuine connection and loving support is what I truly believe the only way to heal any kind of trauma. You may need to fully face it when in such a safe environment to process it but it's certainly impossible alone. If it keeps you from connecting with people we're in the same boat and finding how to unlock that access is key...

I'm really sorry you're going through this hell too. Here's a hug and a Hamtaro :

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I just want to thank you so much for your reply and sharing your own experiences relating to it. I have also relied on distractions, but it's become so debilitating to me and they only go so far. Sometimes I don't even have the strength to distract in any way. When I have my flashbacks, I just always hope I end up dissociating because that's the only cope that eases the pain and the struggle.

I have just figured that since my brain is misfiring with all of these flashbacks, medication would aid in preventing this. I have turned to weed before, mostly for the nausea so I can keep food down. It just isn't sustainable. I also have tried CBD/essential oils and no luck.

I have not tried hypnotherapy or acupuncture before, I never really considered those options too seriously, but I mean as I'm pretty much at my breaking point and so worn down, I would try anything. I had heard about psychedelics helping PTSD sufferers long term and so I went down that route, but ended up having a horrifying experience and attempting to CTB. That experience itself gave me more trauma, surviving it.

I am very lucky to have a loving partner. They provide me with an abundance of love and support. A big thing for me is feeling like I'm not left alone with my abuser. I experience auditory hallucinations during my flashbacks and my partner really helps just being there to outnumber him alongside me. I am truly lucky to have this love and support, but I simultaneously feel so horrible that I subject my partner to this as well. I have stepped back with accepting help because it really affects them as well and I have trouble living with causing them pain, too.

The worst thing for me is laying in bed, I find no safety there. It gets worse at night, too. I find it so difficult to snap out of it sometimes and after a flashback I'm left feeling so uneasy and scared. I feel not in control of my body. It's such intense pain, and I am so very sorry you experience it in your own way as well.

I really appreciate all of the advice. You know, this is the first time I've spoken to someone who also experiences PTSD. I don't speak about it to anyone at all except my partner who knows. Even this is a relief in itself, knowing that I'm not alone in this. I know I'm not the only one who experiences PTSD, but it's different when you actually meet someone with a similar situation. Thank you for leaving a response. Sending hugs your way, too.

Apparently I am exhibiting signs of cPTSD, even though I only have a faint idea of what it is. Kind of fascinating to learn that I am more broken than initially anticipated, really.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that there is something to bring you peace on your journey to heal from this.