Does anyone ever feel like they lose themselves in the internet?

[hughmun9]

I sometimes realise that I haven't thought an original thought in weeks. That I've been in 'observation mode' for a month, doomscrolling all day. And all that I've thought about was my reaction to what I've seen. Constantly absorbing other people's experiences, other people's ideas, other people's creations, other people's music, other people's intimacy, other people's social interactions etc.

But my mind and my identity feels empty... what do I think? who am I even? I feel like it's all buried under a pile of information from the 'outside'. I live indoors and yet I feel like the screen I'm looking at is noisier than the world outside. So much so that it overwhelms my mind, makes me zone out and intake all this random, haphazard, often sensational bits of other people's realities.

 

[mythra]

i definitely feel that. sometimes the digital world seems more real than the real one. outside is scary and hard to process, and online is easily spoonfed, even if its so much information. sometimes so little can seem so loud!!! its so easy to get lost!!!

 

[DoAnythingMore]

I can relate to spending too much time watching content to escape responsibilities or reality, or just procrastinating.

 

[-Link-]

I sometimes realise that I haven't thought an original thought in weeks. That I've been in 'observation mode' for a month, doomscrolling all day. And all that I've thought about was my reaction to what I've seen.

Your reaction to those things is your identity, in part, or at least goes towards your identity as far as who you are, what you think, your values, your priorities in life, etc.

It sounds like you're on autopilot and scrolling through too much too quickly -- consuming without actually processing. This is by design because it's exactly what "the internet" wants you to do, so it takes a conscious effort to actually slow down, stop, and process what you're consuming.

other people's experiences, other people's ideas, other people's creations, other people's music, other people's intimacy, other people's social interactions etc.

This is A LOT... and "a lot" doesn't even begin to describe the volume of content and different topics you're alluding to here. No wonder your brain goes numb and goes into autopilot. (We all do this, by the way. This isn't a "you" problem. It's an "anyone who ever spends any time online" problem, self included, although I feel like I've gotten better over time at controlling this.)

If/when you catch yourself scrolling through so much so fast, I'd say to stop yourself at a point, or go back to something that really resonated with you. Whatever that is, dive deeper into that specific topic or person.

If it's a topic, something you could do is go down the "Wikipedia rabbit hole" and see what else you can learn about it. If it's a person, then hopefully they only have a small audience and you could engage with them and have a back-and-forth with them, or something. If it's someone with a huge audience and unlikely to respond, you can know they'll almost certainly at least read your message, so you could take a moment to tell them what you appreciated about their content and how/why it resonated with you -- I expect most people, even those with a million+ followers, would appreciate and value a personal message like that.

The ideal here is probably to "go offline and engage the physical world around you". But if that's unrealistic right now, then I want to say the above-mentioned is something to think about -- something that you'd be more likely to come away from with a feeling of purpose or meaning. Imperfect, for sure, but something preferable/better (or at least "less brain-numbing").

 

[hughmun9]

Your reaction to those things is your identity, in part, or at least goes towards your identity as far as who you are, what you think, your values, your priorities in life, etc.

That is true, I suppose I've gotten to a point where I transfer my consciousness into them? If that makes any sense. I'm almost trying to feel what they feel, think how they think, etc. I don't actually process my reaction to what I see on the internet, most of the time.

I think it's probably some sort of trauma response, placing myself in the shoes of the people I watch as opposed to being grounded in my reality and reacting to it. I guess this goes beyond just being on the internet excessively as I've found myself doing this irl too, back when I was working a job.

 

[-Link-]

That is true, I suppose I've gotten to a point where I transfer my consciousness into them? If that makes any sense. I'm almost trying to feel what they feel, think how they think, etc. I don't actually process my reaction to what I see on the internet, most of the time.

I think it's probably some sort of trauma response, placing myself in the shoes of the people I watch as opposed to being grounded in my reality and reacting to it. I guess this goes beyond just being on the internet excessively as I've found myself doing this irl too, back when I was working a job.

This reads along the lines of full-blown dissociation in the form of vicarious living. Dissociation, a survival mechanism and means to cope with or avoid facing extreme mental and emotional pain and stress, including effects of past trauma.

So, this wouldn't just be the internet reeling you in by its own design. It would also be your brain doing its best to protect you from extreme pain. Assuming that's the situation, it would put this on a whole other level beyond "simple doomscrolling".

To the doomscroller, I would say, slow down to allow yourself a chance to process what you're consuming. But this isn't just doomscrolling. This is surviving. You're doing what you gotta do to survive. Is it healthy? No. But sometimes we're stuck doing unhealthy things just to survive the day.

You've already made a step in improvement, in just becoming consciously aware of this and having enough self-insight to identify what's probably driving this.

In the context of dissociation, maybe "diving deeper into a specific topic or person" would still be helpful. It probably would be at least somewhat helpful. But I would add to that a few grounding pointers... something to help coax your own thoughts and feelings out from wherever inside you they're locked in. So, maybe as you slow down and pause the so-called "doomscrolling", you could ask yourself what details (about a specific topic or person) drew you into it in the first place. What about it caught your eye? "Why is this resonating with me?" "Is this resonating with me, or am I just autopiloting?" So, not just talking to yourself, but asking yourself questions, engaging your own mind and trying to bring your own thoughts, personality, and identity to the surface.

I would also suggest reading up on dissociation in general and about "grounding techniques" that are meant to help reorient yourself to the here-and-now and the reality around you. There are many different techniques for this, so it would probably take some research and trial-and-error before you find something that really clicks for you. And then a lot of dedicated practice with it.

This is challenging stuff. Give yourself credit for even having the self-awareness to identify any of this and then taking the step to post a thread about it. Wishing for you some relief in this.