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S

shelaysdown

sleeping in
Dec 4, 2023
20
Hey all.
I'm back at home for a few weeks, just visiting family and friends. I wish I could say I'm enjoying it, but for some reason I'm having such a hard time with suicidal thoughts and self-harming desires.
I think about the fact that I lived here for 17 years and I just want to cry - so much of that time was spent feeling horrible.
I've built up coping mechanisms, routines and connections in my new city. When I come home, I'm just floundering. After about a week here I fully fall back into depression every time, and I have no idea how to crawl out of that hole unless I leave the city again.
I'm just waiting out the days until I can go back to what feels like my real home. I wish I could just enjoy reconnecting with my family but it's brutal. I don't even want to be around them, I just want to be alone. I just want to die, honestly.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: rozeske, Forever Sleep and Soupster
jajajamielee

jajajamielee

worthless
Oct 11, 2023
199
No but being alive does. Still stuck with my narcissistic ass dad bcs financial abuse
 
11April

11April

11.04.2015 ❤️
Jan 9, 2023
90
Yes, because a lot of things happened in my hometown that were bad for me. At the same time, the best events in my life took place there. The understanding that they will never happen again further induces suicide.
 
  • Like
Reactions: shelaysdown and LifeQuitter
Soupster

Soupster

Chasing dreams, catching nightmares
Aug 14, 2024
184
I genuinely enjoy going to my hometown. I just wish I could do it without having to confront my primary abuser.
 
D

doneforlife

Mage
Jul 18, 2023
555
Yes, because a lot of things happened in my hometown that were bad for me. At the same time, the best events in my life took place there. The understanding that they will never happen again further induces suicide.
This.
 

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