Does Anyone else wish they had cancer? I do.

[Gurbangulite]

I know that this has been discussed on here before. It just feels like the bunch of mental illnesses I've had since early childhood might as well be some emotional or mental variety of cancer. I don't know how to explain it. Is it selfish, a little narcissistic? Yes. But at the same time I wish people could empathize that I'm just wasting away, my mind is destroying itself from the inside out. I didn't choose this- some people just get cancer. Sometimes treatments work, sometimes they don't and they often come with their own set of issues that make it like an illness in their own right. Sometimes people smoke and get cancer, sometimes people live a perfectly healthy life and end up with it. Sure, some lifestyle choices might be to blame in the sense that they're directly related with the probability of cancer, but so is something as minute as living too close to an industrial plant. I don't think I ever did anything wrong. To get this sort of emotional/mental condition but I don't really know if people see it for how it might as well feel for me. Pretty bleak. I try to hold on hope but God I'm lethargic and weak every day. At least when people are unfortunate enough to have cancer, it's one of the rare occasions where you might see people give someone grace for wanting to just "give up and die" and it's not just this horribly selfish act. People see the pain and suffering.

I don't know anymore. I don't want to give out identifying information or anything but I'm in possession of some pretty potent carcinogens and sometimes I consider just... Long term exposure so I can die in a way that people won't just point fingers and say it's my fault for. Or that I was weak.

I won't name the carcinogens in particular - I had a niche chemistry interest so I have these things just laying around. I'd need more though, but I don't think it would be too tough for me to get.

 

[day]

I'd wish to not suffer in this meaningless existence as simply existing is enough pain in-itself.

I just wish I had a way to peacefully go without the risk of injuring or whiffing my CTB. Sadly we live in a world where we are all designed to suffer and to continue to do so till we pass away "naturally".

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

Sometimes.

On the one hand, I am a hypochondriac. Which means I am deeply afraid of my body failing on me and of dying. I'm not sure my anxiety would be able to take me getting cancer.

But on the other, my quality of life is pretty piss poor. Sometimes I really do want to die. And catching a terminal illness would force that decision out of my hands which would be nice. Plus I would never have to worry about my future ever again.

Plus I feel like if I really put in the effort I could maybe change my feelings about death and come to peace with it.

In the end I'm not sure. If I were to be diagnosed with cancer my reactions would be very mixed.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

I dunno, cancer is an awful way to go in most cases from what I understand. I just want to die peacefully in my sleep. Fuck life

 

[locked*n*loaded]

If you got cancer, you'd be adding physical pain to go along with your emotional and mental pain. And it's very severe physical pain. Sure, it would end you eventually, but in the months/years until that finality, you'd have to deal with a great amount of misery and suffering, if you just waited on (the cancer) to finish you off. I guess I can see how it might give someone on the fence the impetus to CTB, though.

 

[Vegan Antinatalist]

I know that this has been discussed on here before. It just feels like the bunch of mental illnesses I've had since early childhood might as well be some emotional or mental variety of cancer. I don't know how to explain it. Is it selfish, a little narcissistic? Yes. But at the same time I wish people could empathize that I'm just wasting away, my mind is destroying itself from the inside out. I didn't choose this- some people just get cancer. Sometimes treatments work, sometimes they don't and they often come with their own set of issues that make it like an illness in their own right. Sometimes people smoke and get cancer, sometimes people live a perfectly healthy life and end up with it. Sure, some lifestyle choices might be to blame in the sense that they're directly related with the probability of cancer, but so is something as minute as living too close to an industrial plant. I don't think I ever did anything wrong. To get this sort of emotional/mental condition but I don't really know if people see it for how it might as well feel for me. Pretty bleak. I try to hold on hope but God I'm lethargic and weak every day. At least when people are unfortunate enough to have cancer, it's one of the rare occasions where you might see people give someone grace for wanting to just "give up and die" and it's not just this horribly selfish act. People see the pain and suffering.

I don't know anymore. I don't want to give out identifying information or anything but I'm in possession of some pretty potent carcinogens and sometimes I consider just... Long term exposure so I can die in a way that people won't just point fingers and say it's my fault for. Or that I was weak.

I won't name the carcinogens in particular - I had a niche chemistry interest so I have these things just laying around. I'd need more though, but I don't think it would be too tough for me to get.

I felt the same until I realized people in my community are exactly as unempathetic and judgemental of people with physical illnesses as they are people with mental ones

 

[Gurbangulite]

If you got cancer, you'd be adding physical pain to go along with your emotional and mental pain. And it's very severe physical pain. Sure, it would end you eventually, but in the months/years until that finality, you'd have to deal with a great amount of misery and suffering, if you just waited on (the cancer) to finish you off. I guess I can see how it might give someone on the fence the impetus to CTB, though.

Yeah, it's less of a "Suicide by Cancer" thing and more of a socially acceptable reason to CTB.

 

[bedhead_baby]

Yes. I wish I could take it away from someone else so they don't have to go through it. I had some medical issues internally this year and I was hoping what they found was a tumor, but it was not. The idea scares me, but then I'm comforted by the notion that everyone will finally see the pain I've been experiencing (mentally and physically), and believe me now, and the time I've spent suffering will finally pay off.

Of course that's a silly idea, and I don't think my real goal is to get cancer. It's just to have my pain be recognized as real, and to be seen as worthy, since cancer is a battle people can see me fighting and understand the severity of, unlike the other struggles that are usually dismissed. If I could achieve that, I don't think I'd fantasize so much about becoming deathly ill.

 

[celest]

I wish I had cancer instead of my dad. He deserves to live more than I do.

 

[NoHorizon]

No. I wouldn't wish for any additional suffering.

 

[suicidaleeyore]

Yes and no. I often wish I could become terminally ill so that would kill me. But my sister died from a rare childhood cancer and why she went through was horrific. My parents were told there was a high chance I could develop it so untill I was about 7 my mum was terrified I was gonna get cancer too. Growing up I've always wished I was the one who died and my sister got to live though. And in all honesty though the process of dying of cancer is incredibly painful, worse than doing it yourself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally only wish for the true peace that can only be found through not existing, I could never wish to suffer as I see all suffering as being unnecessary, repulsive and undesirable.

But I do see those who have the knowledge that they will soon be free from everything as being fortunate as soon enough the torture they experience will end. It's worse when one wishes to die yet they struggle to and feel so trapped here as a result.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I wish I had legal assisted suicide (assuming the state I'm in, otherwise I'd wish not to be like this).

 

[アホペンギン]

I know that this has been discussed on here before. It just feels like the bunch of mental illnesses I've had since early childhood might as well be some emotional or mental variety of cancer. I don't know how to explain it. Is it selfish, a little narcissistic? Yes. But at the same time I wish people could empathize that I'm just wasting away, my mind is destroying itself from the inside out. I didn't choose this- some people just get cancer. Sometimes treatments work, sometimes they don't and they often come with their own set of issues that make it like an illness in their own right. Sometimes people smoke and get cancer, sometimes people live a perfectly healthy life and end up with it. Sure, some lifestyle choices might be to blame in the sense that they're directly related with the probability of cancer, but so is something as minute as living too close to an industrial plant. I don't think I ever did anything wrong. To get this sort of emotional/mental condition but I don't really know if people see it for how it might as well feel for me. Pretty bleak. I try to hold on hope but God I'm lethargic and weak every day. At least when people are unfortunate enough to have cancer, it's one of the rare occasions where you might see people give someone grace for wanting to just "give up and die" and it's not just this horribly selfish act. People see the pain and suffering.

I don't know anymore. I don't want to give out identifying information or anything but I'm in possession of some pretty potent carcinogens and sometimes I consider just... Long term exposure so I can die in a way that people won't just point fingers and say it's my fault for. Or that I was weak.

I won't name the carcinogens in particular - I had a niche chemistry interest so I have these things just laying around. I'd need more though, but I don't think it would be too tough for me to get.

I have two points regarding this argument. The first one being that yes, i wish i had some illness that would end up with me dying but i wouldn't want to cause it. It would take a long time to get for example lung cancer by smoking, by the time the lung problems catch up on you, you might have recovered from depression and got over suicidal thoughts or even started a family. It takes decades for the cancer to develop. I'd rather get a terminal illness and have maybe a month or two left to live, if anyone cares about you, they'd pay a lot of attention to you and it would probably make you feel better. Not everyone would agree on this point, though, it is just my own opinion regarding this topic. My second point is that when you have cancer or a terminal illness while being at the same time suicidal, you don't have to go through the hassle of getting all the tools and expecting people to not save you or straight up ignore the fact that you're dead. People would just consider you to be like everyone else in your situation, giving up and accepting death. You wouldn't be sent to the psych ward or a therapist for your ideas because they just think its the reality of knowing that you're dying. sorry for the long post

 

[sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft]

I feel for you really. I wish I could end up with cancer or some deadly physical disease.
Firstly, I'm somewhat religious and scared a lot of going to hell because of suicide. I'd like to die without taking this sin on my soul. A fatal accident would work well too
Secondly, I'd like people to respect my wish to die, and that just isn't the case for mental health issues behind that wish, especially in my country. Maybe if I suffered physically, I wouldn't get shamed for the wish to die, or even get assisted with it
Thirdly, I guess it would be easier for my family and friends to accept my death. Idk, while both are very traumatic and painful, it just feels that losing someone you love to suicide feels worse that losing someone you love to some kind of disease. Maybe I am wrong on that., thats just how I feel
I'd love to die without feeling responsible for it, somehow find a loophole in which Im not the cause of my own death
I feel bad and ashamed though for feeling this way. I know reading crap like this may hurt people who faced cancer in their lives or lost someone to it. I lost two of my family members to it some years ago myself so it's not kinda coming out of nowhere

 

[Majestatea Masiva]

of course, but lets be real, not even that will be enough to put an end to this misery

 

[cgrtt.brns]

as a kid i always wished i had cancer so my parents would care and id die sooner rather than later. i still somewhat wish i had cancer, or some terminal illness that would kill me quicker than old age. i smoke, not specifically to get cancer bc ik it takes ages, but bc i dont care about my health anymore (as well as other reasons). i just want something to take me out finally.

 

[rotciv]

People who have terminal illnesses report how horrible the symptoms are and never knowing when their last day will be. The problem is not having a way to go peacefully, that's the problem of majority here

 

[Unattainable666]

Quite honestly yes, I wish I were dying from cancer. I can deal with physical pain much easier than the emotional pain Ive lived with for over 30 years. And ironically with cancer people actually want to help you versus shun you because they think you're "crazy" or "self-centered" or whatever other stupid shit they can come up with. I would give anything to be normal. But then again what is normal? Maybe what Im living is normal. I don't know anymore. I do know I'm slipping down the rabbit hole farther and farther each day

 

[Worndown]

It is not like you get cancer, get diagnosed and die. Most get 6 to 24 months of withering away with much discomfort. I got lucky and there was a cure...over 2 years so far. Even surviving has very unpleasant experiences.
Buy a rope...

 

[NambaSutra]

I think if I had cancer I could refuse treatment on the grounds that they are too painful, I don't want nasty drug cocktails or chemo or radiation or surgery. Also I could probably stay in a hospital with morphine drips until I died. I could also probably invoke a "death with dignity" law it's the only legal way to get high quality euthanasia pills.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Yes, but only if it was a form that couldn't be treated and left me with less than a year to live. That would give people time to say their goodbyes and maybe I would enjoy the last moments I have. As it stands now I just want to die and don't really care for goodbyes.

 

[brainwormz]

every time Google says it's cancer I feel a twinge of relief.

 

[watercube]

I have a chronic inflammatory disease that if not treated increases my chances of having cancer. I have stopped taking my medications hopping this will happen soon, although it is such a pain in the ass to suffer from its symptoms.

 

[Toy]

Sometimes, I think about my body failing on me often resulting in my death, I would feel at ease knowing that there's a timeframe that I could be gone in instead of the chance that I'll live to see my 40s if nothing happens to me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

No! I would never wish for cancer, that's a terrible disease!!

 

[FindingHome]

Sometimes I wish I had a terminal illness so I could qualify for euthanasia.

 

[Ashu]

I've let a tumor go for a few years. It may turn out to have been passive suicide. The more plausible this possibility becomes, the more terrifying and sad it seems. Not a good method.

 

[bluebus]

Sometimes, yes. The only reason being that it would give me a good excuse to ctb, and people would be more understanding. Last week I noticed a painful hard lump at the base of my neck. I'm ashamed to admit that I was actually hopeful for a moment that it was cancer and I could use that as an excuse. Turns out it was just a swollen lymph note from mono lol

 

[Worndown]

Those looking to die might find this concept attractive. For thise that were not looking to die but were told they will, soon, it is not that comforting.