does anyone else want to do it because they have no friends?

[Sanva]

I always feel pathetic but this is genuinely the main reason I want to do it. I have crippling social anxiety and pretty sure I have autism, I never know how to act around people and I always make everyone uncomfortable.

Everyone told me it would get better after high school but the isolation has just gotten worse now that I'm in university. It makes me so sad to see people enjoying their time with their friends, just being loved, like they really have friends that they can be themselves and feel safe around, it baffles me. I've never had that. I talked to this one guy for a bit but he dropped me in a pretty hurtful way because I was too awkward and he found better friends.

I don't even want a romantic relationship anymore, I'm too mentally unstable for that and I can't trust people but just like a small group of friends would be so wonderful. Everyone talks about partying and having the time of their life in university and it just hurts so much that I'll never have that. I'm not dumb, I know I could probably make it through university and get decent grades but what's the point when I always just come home to my silent apartment, when I have to deal with this anxiety every day. I've always felt like there's just something inherently wrong with me because I just can't be normal, no matter how hard I try and it seems like everyone else can. Like I feel like I'm the only person in the world who's this messed up.

 

[Death is beautiful]

Loneliness is one of my reasons to ctb, I understand you

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

A lot of times autism leaves us with two options, fake it or die. Could be interpreted as "survive or die", as opposed to "live or die". McWorld™ almost only spares relationships, especially romantic ones, as the few instances where people can be truly human; where they can get genuine and long-lasting fulfillment as animals. There is no exploration, there are no activities of necessity. If I fake myself into a relationship I will have achieved nothing, and there are no alternatives--only distraction and cope. I think meditation could be good for autistics, since we more often than not have to cope with shitty lives in combination with a high baseline of anxiety/stress. Only things that consistently help me reduce damage from unmet needs are meditation and lifting. Then there are, ofc, lots of things to avoid.

 

[Sanva]

A lot of times autism leaves us with two options, fake it or die. Could be interpreted as "survive or die", as opposed to "live or die". McWorld™ almost only spares relationships, especially romantic ones, as the few instances where people can be truly human; where they can get genuine and long-lasting fulfillment as animals. There is no exploration, there are no activities of necessity. If I fake myself into a relationship I will have achieved nothing, and there are no alternatives--only distraction and cope. I think meditation could be good for autistics, since we more often than not have to cope with shitty lives in combination with a high baseline of anxiety/stress. Only things that consistently help me reduce damage from unmet needs are meditation and lifting. Then there are, ofc, lots of things to avoid.

i just don't know how other people fake it, it seems impossible. I work out regularly and meditate but it just seems so pointless and my anxiety always takes over in the end.

 

[Anxieyote]

It makes my blood boil when people give me the "just be yourself" advice when it comes to making friends. They can be themselves, because they aren't saddled with mental illnesses or anxiety disorders. Their intuition and standard social skills are more than enough to form long-lasting friendships.

But for people like us, we need a little guidance and patience during social interactions, which not many people are willing to give. Sometimes jokes fly over my head, or I don't pick up on social cues. Eye contact has always been difficult too, and people get uncomfortable when I stare too much at them, or look away from them for too long.

I'm still a very awkward person to interact with almost 30 years into my life, and it's expected that the awkwardness gets "sanded down" a bit when you get older. I will always be seen as the odd one out, or eccentric, or weird, even when I'm trying my damnedest to blend in.

I really don't blame anyone for wanting to CTB because of failed social interactions. It's very painful to have them so often.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

i just don't know how other people fake it, it seems impossible. I work out regularly and meditate but it just seems so pointless and my anxiety always takes over in the end.

Most people don't fake it, they're not autistic. Bad that those copes aren't working.

I managed to fake it for a while before I got choke-slammed by apathy. I did it by watching stuff online about social interactions and then basically pretended to be someone else. It's simple, but not easy, like lifting a heavy weight or running a long distance. Hope you can figure something out, I know I can't.

 

[Ticket 2 Heaven]

I always feel pathetic but this is genuinely the main reason I want to do it. I have crippling social anxiety and pretty sure I have autism, I never know how to act around people and I always make everyone uncomfortable.

Everyone told me it would get better after high school but the isolation has just gotten worse now that I'm in university. It makes me so sad to see people enjoying their time with their friends, just being loved, like they really have friends that they can be themselves and feel safe around, it baffles me. I've never had that. I talked to this one guy for a bit but he dropped me in a pretty hurtful way because I was too awkward and he found better friends.

I don't even want a romantic relationship anymore, I'm too mentally unstable for that and I can't trust people but just like a small group of friends would be so wonderful. Everyone talks about partying and having the time of their life in university and it just hurts so much that I'll never have that. I'm not dumb, I know I could probably make it through university and get decent grades but what's the point when I always just come home to my silent apartment, when I have to deal with this anxiety every day. I've always felt like there's just something inherently wrong with me because I just can't be normal, no matter how hard I try and it seems like everyone else can. Like I feel like I'm the only person in the world who's this messed up.

Just get used to being alone and find something to occupy your time

 

[Darkover]

 

[Ticket 2 Heaven]

Fung shui your apartment

 

[Sanva]

Just get used to being alone and find something to occupy your time

but i see no point in living that way.

 

[Ticket 2 Heaven]

but i see no point in living that way.

Unless you have money.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

My problem was never with making friends, it's with keeping them. I have come to the very sad realization that I am truly broken and defective. Sure, I seem kind and funny and witty and warm and intelligent....at first....but there's something in me that brings out the worst in people as the relationship progresses. This is why eventually people slowly fade from my life. I am a poisoned soul who only spreads darkness and hurt to all lives I touch. I'm better off not being around people period because I contribute NOTHING worthy in the long run. Only sadness and despair.

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally, I choose to stay away from people, I prefer to be alone, people can be very cruel and are capable of causing us a lot of pain. I find it tiring to be around others. I know loneliness can be painful for many people though. I have always struggled to connect and relate to others, I think in my case I am not meant for this world. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best.

 

[Sanva]

My problem was never with making friends, it's with keeping them. I have come to the very sad realization that I am truly broken and defective. Sure, I seem kind and funny and witty and warm and intelligent....at first....but there's something in me that brings out the worst in people as the relationship progresses. This is why eventually people slowly fade from my life. I am a poisoned soul who only spreads darkness and hurt to all lives I touch. I'm better off not being around people period because I contribute NOTHING worthy in the long run. Only sadness and despair.

The problem may not be within you. A lot of people with low self esteem or mental illness, myself included, attract manipulative people or even narcissists. Maybe you don't bring out the worst in people, you just attract the wrong people.

Personally, I choose to stay away from people, I prefer to be alone, people can be very cruel and are capable of causing us a lot of pain. I find it tiring to be around others. I know loneliness can be painful for many people though. I have always struggled to connect and relate to others, I think in my case I am not meant for this world. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best.

i used to feel the same way, last year when I was working I felt like I could just be alone forever. But now that I'm in university and I have to see people be happy together everyday, it changed for some reason. But I mean it's so weird because I feel the same way as you, like I don't belong into this world, but if we're not meant for this world, why are we here? I wish you all the best, too.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I also see no point to living without social connections. I noticed it was over for me since age 14 once I noticed looks equal social respect and I had to learn to mask but it only got more traumatic as I grew older now I have literally no friends to communicate with. It's a lonely miserable existence

 

[YuckyDucky]

Yeah I can completely relate. I've always had social anxiety, but I did manage to find "friends" back in my high school and university days, when some level of social interaction was somewhat forced. But even those relationships were largely superficial and for the most part fell apart after those stages of life. I'm still "friends" with a few on social media, but have few if any in my life that I would call true friends and haven't for 10+ years. The occasional like or comment on a Facebook post is the full extent of those relationships today. On the occasions that I do try to put myself out there and have actual human interaction with non-relatives beyond the scope of somebody doing their job, nothing ever comes of it.

Fortunately I do have family that I'm close with and I'm grateful for that, but whenever I try to get any kind of honest feedback from them its always "Be yourself! You're an amazing person!" No, being myself has been the problem. They know I have low self esteem and I think they think that's what I need to hear. But in reality that just makes me feel like I'm screaming for help and nobody can even be bothered to hear it.

Its an oversimplification to say this is why I'm here, but it isn't unreasonable at all to say it has exacerbated other problems that have combined to bring me here. At the end of the day friendships are essential to good mental health. To recognize that but feel like I can't do a damn thing to fix it is one of my biggest frustrations with life.

 

[ShaiOne007]

I always feel pathetic but this is genuinely the main reason I want to do it. I have crippling social anxiety and pretty sure I have autism, I never know how to act around people and I always make everyone uncomfortable.

Everyone told me it would get better after high school but the isolation has just gotten worse now that I'm in university. It makes me so sad to see people enjoying their time with their friends, just being loved, like they really have friends that they can be themselves and feel safe around, it baffles me. I've never had that. I talked to this one guy for a bit but he dropped me in a pretty hurtful way because I was too awkward and he found better friends.

I don't even want a romantic relationship anymore, I'm too mentally unstable for that and I can't trust people but just like a small group of friends would be so wonderful. Everyone talks about partying and having the time of their life in university and it just hurts so much that I'll never have that. I'm not dumb, I know I could probably make it through university and get decent grades but what's the point when I always just come home to my silent apartment, when I have to deal with this anxiety every day. I've always felt like there's just something inherently wrong with me because I just can't be normal, no matter how hard I try and it seems like everyone else can. Like I feel like I'm the only person in the world who's this messed up.

I completely hear you and where you're coming from. I'm here if you'd like to talk

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

I always feel pathetic but this is genuinely the main reason I want to do it. I have crippling social anxiety and pretty sure I have autism, I never know how to act around people and I always make everyone uncomfortable.

Everyone told me it would get better after high school but the isolation has just gotten worse now that I'm in university. It makes me so sad to see people enjoying their time with their friends, just being loved, like they really have friends that they can be themselves and feel safe around, it baffles me. I've never had that. I talked to this one guy for a bit but he dropped me in a pretty hurtful way because I was too awkward and he found better friends.

I don't even want a romantic relationship anymore, I'm too mentally unstable for that and I can't trust people but just like a small group of friends would be so wonderful. Everyone talks about partying and having the time of their life in university and it just hurts so much that I'll never have that. I'm not dumb, I know I could probably make it through university and get decent grades but what's the point when I always just come home to my silent apartment, when I have to deal with this anxiety every day. I've always felt like there's just something inherently wrong with me because I just can't be normal, no matter how hard I try and it seems like everyone else can. Like I feel like I'm the only person in the world who's this messed up.

What if, the problem is there's not something wrong with you? IMO, it's entirely possible to be a member of a retarded species and not feel the need to take an early exit.
I don't know you, so I can't attest to the quality of your mental function, but I'm well aware that the majority of our species in 2021 is what might be referred to as 'mentally retarded'. You'll be better off if you simply ignore and discount their bullshit.
Yes, it would be wonderful if our species were intelligent and conscious, but you seem well aware that's not the case. It's my opinion that that's relatively unimportant to my own life. I agree life as a human could be far more blissful than it actually is, but imo it's important to hang onto and acknowledge actual reality. Most people fall into the lower 80%, with even further divisions within that category.
Live your life. It is yours, and belongs to no other.

I also see no point to living without social connections. I noticed it was over for me since age 14 once I noticed looks equal social respect and I had to learn to mask but it only got more traumatic as I grew older now I have literally no friends to communicate with. It's a lonely miserable existence

Why not? It's clear we're a member of a species that's mostly retarded, so why would connections with retards be a thing? Meh. IMO, you need to shake that "must associate with retards" programming. Can you think of no inherent reason to continue living? I've seen up to 98% of 'people' outside wearing masks in my area. Their stupidity just makes me want to avoid them, not act as if I'm the retard.

Anyway, posts like this make me think the war on children by 'educators' is more real than I ever imagined.

 

[die2live]

Yes. This is myreason it's a painful experience to go through

 

[CameronFrye]

I always feel pathetic but this is genuinely the main reason I want to do it. I have crippling social anxiety and pretty sure I have autism, I never know how to act around people and I always make everyone uncomfortable.

Everyone told me it would get better after high school but the isolation has just gotten worse now that I'm in university. It makes me so sad to see people enjoying their time with their friends, just being loved, like they really have friends that they can be themselves and feel safe around, it baffles me. I've never had that. I talked to this one guy for a bit but he dropped me in a pretty hurtful way because I was too awkward and he found better friends.

I don't even want a romantic relationship anymore, I'm too mentally unstable for that and I can't trust people but just like a small group of friends would be so wonderful. Everyone talks about partying and having the time of their life in university and it just hurts so much that I'll never have that. I'm not dumb, I know I could probably make it through university and get decent grades but what's the point when I always just come home to my silent apartment, when I have to deal with this anxiety every day. I've always felt like there's just something inherently wrong with me because I just can't be normal, no matter how hard I try and it seems like everyone else can. Like I feel like I'm the only person in the world who's this messed up.

I literally could've written this word for word.

Only difference is I had a girlfriend for almost 4 years who was in the same spot as me, but as soon as she made friends she distanced herself more and more until eventually leaving me.

It all hurts so much.