Does anyone else think about how much they'll miss if they CTB?

[Reverie123]

I am 23 and I have been depressed since I was 16. I consider my life to be completely unsalvageable.

Something that saddens me is thinking about how much I'll miss out on if I CTB. If it weren't for depression I could potentially have lived for 70+ more years. That's a long time. 1953 was 70 years ago. That may as well be a different world. I could have seen the 2090s if it weren't for this depression. My one sibling and my few friends will grow old and I'll always be 23. I'll never get to grow old, get married, have a career etc.

I guess none of that will matter when I die but it still saddens me immensely when I think about it.

 

[georgeistired]

i am going through the same thing, but what's been helping me get by is thinking if i couldn't enjoy or experience things, other people still would so it wouldn't make a difference if i ctb. and eitherway whether we're dead or alive we miss out on a lot of things anyway only this time we're not able to go back. sorry if that wasn't very comforting... im just sharing my view and indeed it is quite sad to think about. hope u feel better op :)

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Nah.

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." Ecclesiastes

 

[wannabesetfree]

To be honest? No. I feel like the world is getting worse by the day and I'm disabled and in povery plus I'm all alone so...there's nothing for me.

 

[borderline-feline]

Constantly. I'm terrified of finality and just wish that I could live a life with my favorite person. I fantasize about him proposing and what our wedding could be like. I've wanted to be a bride for over 20 years, and I'm afraid of throwing that away, but I just can't live with the pain inherent to living my life.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry depression has deprived you of so much. Sorry to sound intrusive but have you tried all you can to get rid of it? I suppose when I see a will to live in someone- I always wonder if there is a way through for them. I realise that is far easier said than done though.

For me- no- I'm utterly exhausted with life. There's nothing that feels worthwhile enough for me to miss the potential of doing anymore. It's all just about trying to desperately tread water now because I feel like I have to. (I don't feel like I can leave while my Dad is still here.) Everything in life just feels pointless though and I can't wait to leave it all behind.

 

[Dying Alive 00]

For 50% of the population, missing out on getting married is definitely a positive thing - no matter how "nice" it seems as an idea.

 

[kiki <3]

it is devastating to think about it but what brings me comfort is knowing there will be no space and time for me to think about these things ever again once i am truly gone. sending you love stranger

 

[slanabhaile]

For me, the pain of not being able to live my life with the woman I love far outweighs my fear of missing out.

Sure, of course, I don't want to miss out on milestones in life and it hurts to know I won't see my child grow up, but I also know I'll become increasingly bitter and horrible to be around.

It's better for everyone that I leave.

And I know most people think unrequited love is a silly reason to go, but at one stage it was requited and I can't bear to live without it.

 

[charlotte_]

i totally understand where you're coming from, and I'm sorry you're going through it. but keep in mind that nothing lasts forever, which goes for your life and so will your depression. Everything is bound to end one day, for better or for worse. As long as you still want something for life, then there is still hope for you somewhere. i dont know how, but i hope you will get there one day and be able to live your life to the fullest. sorry if this isnt helpful, but anyway best wishes!

 

[downndone2]

I do but I can't continue this miserable existence with the crippling anxiety. It is awful and near constant. It waves me from my sleep in terror. I need to go and soon

 

[tiredofbreathing]

I will miss things even if I stay here since I can't enjoy anything

 

[outrider567]

I am 23 and I have been depressed since I was 16. I consider my life to be completely unsalvageable.

Something that saddens me is thinking about how much I'll miss out on if I CTB. If it weren't for depression I could potentially have lived for 70+ more years. That's a long time. 1953 was 70 years ago. That may as well be a different world. I could have seen the 2090s if it weren't for this depression. My one sibling and my few friends will grow old and I'll always be 23. I'll never get to grow old, get married, have a career etc.

I guess none of that will matter when I die but it still saddens me immensely when I think about it.

I'm 68, so I've already lived long enough and fulfilled all my dreams--With my girlfriend's death, there's really nothing left to enjoy so there is nothing to miss anymore anyway

 

[orca87]

I don't think there is anything worth living for anymore. I feel that more every day.
A part of me is still silently hoping for some kind of miracle. But the truth is: I've had it all. Whatever might come would not be enough to replace what I've lost.

I could win the lottery, trick a supermodel into becoming my girlfriend, travel the world, become US president – there is just nothing that could replace my modest yet perfect life: A relationship with the woman of my dreams, a cosy home, a deep connection to friends, a striving career, a lot of ideas, creativity, hope. Nothing will come close.

So if not even the most unrealistic "dreams" seem pointless to me, what am I missing out on?

I've tried everything, from mainstream therapy to self-optimisation with tremendous energy and discipline – all of which took me somewhere. Especially in the last year, I could brag with a long list of successes – and yet, every day, my soul turns darker.

To me, CTB is just the last step in getting rid of the empty shelf I'm trapped into

 

[ChildrensITV]

I'll never get to grow old, get married, have a career etc.

If there is hope of you doing all those things then maybe hold off on suicide until 30 or something. I wanna die cuz it has been proven categorically that I cannot do those things.

 

[NambaSutra]

I'm old (48) and married for 20 years. New romance feels exciting but my marriage is boring and stale. It would be better to not be married at all. Just a thought for you youngsters who are still looking for romance. Divorce isn't really an option for reasons I won't go into right now but feeling stuck in a crappy marriage is one of the reasons I want to CTB.

 

[Haruka]

I really used to think like this. I always thought about how many places I wanted to visit, if I'd ever finally make friends and do more than sit in my bedroom all day, but I can't see that happening anymore. It is really sad to think about, but when you realise that this world isn't for you, is when you realise that there isn't any point in being that sad about it. I'm only 19 and I know how much I will miss out on if I do CTB, but I honestly couldn't care less anymore. I've come to peace with it, I hope you do too

 

[eternalbliss22]

I am 23 and I have been depressed since I was 16. I consider my life to be completely unsalvageable.

Something that saddens me is thinking about how much I'll miss out on if I CTB. If it weren't for depression I could potentially have lived for 70+ more years. That's a long time. 1953 was 70 years ago. That may as well be a different world. I could have seen the 2090s if it weren't for this depression. My one sibling and my few friends will grow old and I'll always be 23. I'll never get to grow old, get married, have a career etc.

I guess none of that will matter when I die but it still saddens me immensely when I think about it.

Once I'm dead I won't miss anything because I'll no longer exist. I can't wait & I'm getting closer every day. I keep thinking of a middle of the night drive to a bridge.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

If I'll miss the same shit I've experienced over the past 27 years, then I won't be missing anything at all. I think 27 years is long enough to allow for things to get better. I've given more than enough time.

 

[Sadbrains]

I won't miss much from my past. However, if we are using miss in the terms of future, as in what could have been, this is one of the last few reasons I have that makes CTB a struggle. Like what if I CTB and I was about to unlock an actual good part of life that I did not think existed for me. What if I miss an opportunity to receive riches or a friend. Or what if my family finally reaccepted me or got in touch finally? There's so many things I think about. But no, nothing from my past will be missed.

 

[ptolemaea]

my depression has slowly taken away my ability to enjoy anything. i feel more like a corpse than i do a living person. i don't think there will be much to miss.

 

[trappedmamma]

I'll miss my son growing up, and it's devastating to think about. Even though I really should have been gone shortly after he was born, so he wouldn't remember me or have to deal with the trauma from his father and I. Nothing could be more significant to miss than that for me. Even if I had other things to look forward to.

 

[Ghostofthepast]

I won't be missed no one gives a fuck about me

 

[tams]

I get the idea behind that. I feel like my life plateaued years ago so the best has happened. In my current headspace, I can't even enjoy the good things for long anyways.