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happy1234

happy1234

Member
Mar 6, 2021
7
I don't know why but eventually ill start to despise someone that I'm close to. But then one day ill suddenly be overflowing with affection for them. It's a very tiring cycle of push and pull. I seem to fuck up every single relationship I have eventually.
 
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Nanako

Nanako

Experienced
Dec 24, 2018
289
Maybe you have BPD?
 
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Atraxa

Atraxa

Priced out of living
Oct 24, 2021
46
For me it's a certain issue I encountered whilst being in contact with them. It can be something they did, or said that sent my paranoia into overdrive. That can appear at any moment and I simply want to isolate myself from them and be alone.
 
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Rational man

Rational man

Enlightened
Oct 19, 2021
1,485
I don't think this is unusual. Humans are imperfect are we not ?, and their annoying imperfections surface. and reflect like mirrors that remind us of who we are!
 
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happy1234

happy1234

Member
Mar 6, 2021
7
For me it's a certain issue I encountered whilst being in contact with them. It can be something they did, or said that sent my paranoia into overdrive. That can appear at any moment and I simply want to isolate myself from them and be alone.
likewise. i suddenly start overthinking every little thing or how they wronged me in some way and it makes me want to cut everyone off
 
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_Minsk

_Minsk

death: the cure for life
Dec 9, 2019
1,142
i can only speak for myself, depression really tinted my view on life, relationships, friends, myself, basically anything. or maybe your friend indeed is not a good choice, either way, i no longer invest into most relationships since im not able to sustain them, im just too exhausted and depressed
 
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ncmxm

ncmxm

Experienced
Jun 9, 2021
232
Yes, but in my case it's because I start being jealous of them
 
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C

canna2

Student
Nov 20, 2021
146
Human relations are fuckibg weird
 
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blueclover_.

blueclover_.

Better Never to Have Been: 2006, David Benatar
Oct 11, 2021
668
I don't hate people just because, ya know. I do get bored of people easily though. Most of my friendships are shallow.
 
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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,081
No.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/proxy.php?image=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic1.1.sqspcdn.com%2Fstatic%2Ff%2F709071%2F26929579%2F1458602035703%2Fgrandbupaest-bedwith.gif%3Ftoken%3DwV0Ns3jrKVZqQluw%252FNJoq2zAGDU%253D&hash=670db10bb55dfadb5b1e8607e4697bce
 
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I-can-only-imagine

I-can-only-imagine

Student
Apr 26, 2021
135
I had friends come stay for a weekend and a visit, i wasnt excited but was definitely looking forward to it. Yet within an hour of them being here, i hated it and just wanted them to go. They travelled 3 1/2 hours to visit for a couple of days and i wanted them gone the second they arrived. i hated myself for being annoyed at them, hated myself for being pissed off when one of them got upset because they have their own problems, hated myself for not enjoying having the company i desperately craved and yet completely dispised at the same time.
 
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happy1234

happy1234

Member
Mar 6, 2021
7
I had friends come stay for a weekend and a visit, i wasnt excited but was definitely looking forward to it. Yet within an hour of them being here, i hated it and just wanted them to go. They travelled 3 1/2 hours to visit for a couple of days and i wanted them gone the second they arrived. i hated myself for being annoyed at them, hated myself for being pissed off when one of them got upset because they have their own problems, hated myself for not enjoying having the company i desperately craved and yet completely dispised at the same time.
i feel you brother
 
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F

flametrees

Member
Nov 22, 2021
16
No.

grandbupaest-bedwith.gif
Yes I do this too. Male or female it doesn't matter to me. Don't care I just try to bed them. Do you still stay friends with them after or does the friendship end? Things changed in the last few years though. I just don't want to be near anyone anymore. I see people I know at the shops and I go out of my way to avoid them, as I just don't care about them anymore. Their menial lives are of no interest to me. If forced to make small talk I can, but it's fake and I just don't care. I still am attracted to people physically but it's all so predictable. Every day is like groundhog day.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,276
I do not have any friends. I cannot stand people. People can be cruel, I see it as best to stay away from them as then they cannot upset me.
 
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stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,918
I don't know why but eventually ill start to despise someone that I'm close to. But then one day ill suddenly be overflowing with affection for them. It's a very tiring cycle of push and pull. I seem to fuck up every single relationship I have eventually.
No, I envy happy people and I am "happy" for them, but people can be so fake, so cruel, so annoying that it can become hatred.

Being ignored and repeatedly pestered does it.

Or, in cases of (this is going to get ugly, disassociate from me because you'll want to) I might push someone away.
 
cambrai33

cambrai33

Traveller
Nov 3, 2021
386
No I don't hate them at all, I just hate myself which ultimately spoils the friendship. They don't understand the complexity of why I push them away and to be honest I don't at the time but in retrospect I understand it's a protection mechanism working at a mostly subconscious level.
 
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Feeding Pigeons

Feeding Pigeons

Warlock
Aug 5, 2021
776
I don't know why but eventually ill start to despise someone that I'm close to. But then one day ill suddenly be overflowing with affection for them. It's a very tiring cycle of push and pull. I seem to fuck up every single relationship I have eventually.
Absolutely. This always happens to me. But thats because, like others have said, I hate people. At best someone annoys the shit out of me but they have enough redeeming qualities that I put up with them, because I love them. Thats life. But yeah I've also been said to have BPD so who knows.
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,081
Don't care I just try to bed them. Do you still stay friends with them after or does the friendship end? Things changed in the last few years though. I just don't want to be near anyone anymore.

Well, I don't really do real friendships because I don't want anyone to know I have C-PTSD, so I don't care if my "friends" break up with me. A lot of people, both men & women, let me get away with not sharing anything significant about my life because they need me to help them with stuff, they like my twisted sense of humor or they wanna sleep with me (fuck buddies). They know I'll just say something to make them laugh, change the subject or simply pretend I didn't hear them if they ask me a question I don't wanna answer. There are a couple of old guys I have serious conversations with. They're smart & experienced enough to know that there's something wrong with me, but I don't fully open up to them either.
 
CFLoser

CFLoser

I fcking hate myself
Dec 5, 2018
609
I very often hate my friends, but it goes away after a while of a month or two.

At some point you just have to accept you have what you have friends wise. I am content with my friend group because I know I can't get any more friends. They may be pieces of shit sometimes but so am I.

You are probably not a high qualitiy individual (most depressed people aren't), so you don't hang out with high quality people.

I am a loser so I hang out with other losers.
 
D

Deleted member 32964

Guest
yeah - i didn't know what triggers were until I experienced them. Mine are

1. he gives
2. women submit
3. Jesus is god
4. life is about the familiy
5. you're my bitch, I own you LISTEN.

it's those little things that make me suddenly snap and stop communication. I've growled at strangers like a pit bull. They just instantly rub my cat fur backwards and tick me off. It's physical with me. It feels like jelly around me moving and my hair stands on end.

I'm a very vulnerable person and have a partriarchal background of oppression and taking abuse with a bit of concealer to cover that up.

It instantly makes me hiss. I hide under the bed and won't come out for weeks.

figure out your triggers and find social situations where you can be yourself without pressure. We all have different needs.

-r
Well, I don't really do real friendships because I don't want anyone to know I have C-PTSD, so I don't care if my "friends" break up with me. A lot of people, both men & women, let me get away with not sharing anything significant about my life because they need me to help them with stuff, they like my twisted sense of humor or they wanna sleep with me (fuck buddies). They know I'll just say something to make them laugh, change the subject or simply pretend I didn't hear them if they ask me a question I don't wanna answer. There are a couple of old guys I have serious conversations with. They're smart & experienced enough to know that there's something wrong with me, but I don't fully open up to them either.
I have the same disorder. I am completely isolated. My PTSD is so bad I can't see or hear straight and hallucinate (living nightmare) 24/7. 16.25 years. I can't use a car or a bike. I'm completely crazy but have managed high functioning periods where I work tons and tons of hours in stressful conditions. I'm sorry that you live that way. It's like being on LSD with a master molesting and beating you (for me). :(
 

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