Does anyone else really like sleeping?

[45ready2ctb]

I think everyone, especially people on this site, loves to sleep. I certainly do: sleeping is my favorite part of the day. Life however, in it's unyielding cruelty, has made it so that the times immediately before and after sleeping are some of my most miserable. Being in bed, in the dark, all by myself is a recipe for feeling unbelievable loneliness and for contemplating all the things I hate about myself and how much I've fucked things up. Every night I lay in bed for an hour feeling so low and miserable (which kinda helps me sleep because at this point all I want to be is dead or at least unconscious), before eventually crying myself to sleep. And of course, like many of you here, waking up is a daily tragedy that I suffer. Usually my first thoughts of the day will consist of something like "I wish I had died in my sleep", or "There's no reason for me to live another day". Today it was "I don't enjoy existing". After that I'll lie in bed, alone, for an hour or two (or as long as I possibly can without missing an obligation like class) under the sheets, clutching my pillows, feeling miserable and just trying to shut out the world, trying to avoid having to experience another day of life for as long as possible.

Sleeping itself, however, is fucking amazing. When I sleep, I don't think about my problems, I don't feel depressed or lonely, I don't hate myself -- I am just in total peace and comfort. I see sleep as a free trial for death, and seeing as how amazing the free trial is, it makes me very eager to move on to the real deal.

So perfectly put!!! I feel you OP.

 

[Fcancer]

I absolutely love sleep, but then unfortunately it flys by and you wake up. Then few seconds after waking up, my head is filled with all the dread and problems again that is my life. But sleep is the only thing I enjoy now, I really wish it wasn't this way...fuck my health.

 

[TengoK]

It's started feeling wintry in the southern part of the UK this week. I feel permanently cold. I just want to sleep forever, really, and not wake up.

 

[itsallover]

Sleep is my only escape from this shitty life I'm living. Even when I'm awake I drug myself every few hours to get as sedated as possible to make it through the day. For the first year and a half or so I fought as hard as I could to find an answer to my condition while sober. After a while I saw that all the drugs they give me will fuck me up when taken altogether and make the day bearable. It's been like that for almost the past year but this shit is getting tiring too every fucking day. I'm going to see a surgeon tomorrow so hopefully he can correct my problem. If not then I have no choice but to kill myself. It's a completely unnatural thing to do as people try to protect themselves from danger all the time. I just want my normal healthy life back again where I busted my ass at work all week long drank my ass off on the weekends and would then repeat. I know it's boring and monotonous but I prefer it to being sick and always at the doctor. This shit is hell on earth and even if there is a hell that I'm going to for committing suicide then so be it. Anything is better than this. I know full well though that when you die that's it. Religion is man made and churches are just fancy buildings.

 

[Ben]

I actually wouldn't mind an afterlife if it meant I can do what I want. Have complete control as a reward for dealing with the bullshit on this earth. Still even if their is nothing that's not so bad either. Plenty of nights I don't even dream, I just lay my head down, then all of sudden 10 hours have passed.

Its 4 seconds after I wake up I get really anxious/angry/depressed again

Sleep is amazing. I've told myself no matter what happens during the day, I can enjoy my sleep. Nothing can change when I sleep, so I'll deal with it when I wake up. I usually have good dreams too.

 

[Mr2005]

Thank god for sleep. If it's any indication of what's to come after death then none of our problems will matter. Nothing keeping us here matters either. If we didn't wake up we'd never know. I take comfort in that

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

Yeah it's good >< <3

 

[Midnight]

Sleeping is the dream .. waking up is when the nightmare begins.

 

[Timeless]

Winter comes so I am like a bear and go to hibernation mode with 50 boxes of sleeping pills usually. But not this year I go away (sleep and never wake up) for good with loads of sleep medication plus 2 gram oxycodon half gram methadone and anti emetics off course. Got a slight tolerance that's why the overkill. 1 gram oxycodon should be enough with benzodiazepines and anti emetic.

Bye all , will go in a few days.
May you all find peace and get more luck. Best wishes to all off you here.

Peace

 

[IG959]

It's one of the only escapes from life without CTB

 

[azucaramargo]

A

I actually wouldn't mind an afterlife if it meant I can do what I want. Have complete control as a reward for dealing with the bullshit on this earth. Still even if their is nothing that's not so bad either. Plenty of nights I don't even dream, I just lay my head down, then all of sudden 10 hours have passed.

Its 4 seconds after I wake up I get really anxious/angry/depressed again

Amen!

 

[azucaramargo]

Can't sleep right now for some fucking reason and I have to go to work in 2 hours. One of the many reasons why I wish there was a switch where you can just go to sleep whenever you feel like it. Fuck my life.

I think a lot of us on here have had those same nights...dreading the start of work and not being able to sleep.

 

[Lara Francis]

Sleeping is an escape ,it's the waking up that is the shit part

 

[fuckthis]

Sleeping is the thing I enjoy most. No concept of time, no worries or problems. Just you and your bed in your soft sheets. Even better when I have dreams, where I am happy and I don't worry or follow the bullshit by the masses. It's times like this where I fantasize about death greatly. I don't care if I am a coward for wanting to die, I should be entitled to my own death. I am not even that great of a person, and I'd be doing the environment a favour if I were to off myself. I think we can all agree that one less person in this world is one less person using up all of Earth's resources, where we'll ultimately drive ourselves to death anyways. We are slowly killing ourselves off anyway, it's just a very slow, painless way to go. Well, painless in the sense that we are not usually in physical pain, unless we have some sort of disability or illness. I'm sorry, I went off onto a bit of a tangent there.

But yes, I like sleeping. A lot. Would be even better to be sleeping next to someone who loved me, though I know that will never be the case.

 

[RottingFlowerBrains]

When I'm in a state of mania I can't sleep well

 

[Desperate_Soul]

I love sleep. I'm going to go to sleep right now. Good night!

Edit: My white noise isn't working.

 

[tony.end]

Yes because it would mean to live off actual life. If the dreams are good I could even do things I can't by far dream of doing in actual life, but then.. there's that fucking hideous part.. i wake up.
Last night e.g. in a dream I was being loved by a cute girl I know in real life, and she was laughing and everything, but IRL we never talk and she actually despises me for my horrendous look, so much that I can feel her (inconscious, not like her or anybody who does this is guilty) contempt towards me. So in these cases actually, no. I don't like sleeping because when I wake up it hurts very much and I would end up suffering more than I was before if this was ever possible.
Sorry for my english

 

[NoHope]

Sleeping is a nice temporary escape from reality. I try to sleep as much as I can so that I don't have to deal with this life. The problem is that I get dreams about ctb very often, sometimes every day and I'm tired of basically killing myself every time in my sleep. I don't want to experience anything while I'm asleep lol. Dreams in general kind of ruin sleeping for me since I don't get to rest well. So it is not a perfect escape. Either way, when I die I won't have to deal with this shit.