Does anyone else read the suicidebereavement subreddit?

[Beyond_Repair]

Idk why I have started doing this, I guess to help me come to terms with what people might be thinking/saying about me after I CTB.

It's really disheartening to see how little understanding there is on there, most of the posters say things like "How could they be so selfish" "How could they cause this chaos/pain", one poster said her therapist said that people who CTB are selfish/narcissistic. I understand these people are grieving, but the lack of understanding and compassion for someone who was clearly suffering is abysmal.

They also make it sound like it's a temporary lapse in judgement for otherwise 'healthy, rational' people. I can't speak for everyone, but I've been wanting to die since I was practically a kid, I've spent a lot of time weighing my options and considered my abilities and potential outcomes for the future, I don't consider my decision to be in any way impulsive.

Every once in a while someone will say that they are happy their loved one is in peace now, and how while they don't condone what they did, they respect their decision and love them regardless. That is the most empathetic response in my opinion, as if you truly love someone you wouldn't want them to be in pain.

I don't think I'm more selfish/narcissistic than the average person, I understand that I'll be causing my loved ones pain and I wish there was some way I could avoid that, but I'm doing what I can to make the event as least traumatic as possible. In my mind it's selfish to ask someone to continue living against their wishes for your personal comfort. If anything I'm the one that people in my life tend to go to for emotional support/help and I rarely if ever ask for it in return. I think I'm entitled to be selfish when it comes to my own body/life and taking responsibility for my own suffering.

Idk why I'm sharing this, I guess I just want to vent and hear others' perspectives on this issue.

 

[GuiltyAsSin]

Yes! I thought I was the only one that did that. It helps me. I'm ambivalent. Reading about the pain my death will cause others does help me try to keep going and believe I may feel better someday. This weekend has been especially bleak, but in general, I actually find it helpful.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Yes! I thought I was the only one that did that. It helps me. I'm ambivalent. Reading about the pain my death will cause others does help me try to keep going and believe I may feel better someday. This weekend has been especially bleak, but in general, I actually find it helpful.

Glad to know I'm not the only one! And sorry you're weekend isn't going well.

 

[UmbraDweller]

I didn't know of it but checked it out. I don't want to diminish the pain of these people. I get that dealing with loss of a close one and grief is difficult, but reading through all of those victim cards and unsympathetic blame put towards the ones who truly suffered here is angering. You are right that there's very little amount of understanding, awful to see. You have a strong stomach to read these.

Just a friendly reminder though, you don't have to care about, nor come to terms with anything someone might say after you CTB, you won't be here to experience it after all. Only you know what's the best for you, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for this decision.

 

[divinemistress36]

Its selfish to expect people to stay and suffer just cause it would hurt peoples feelings

 

[Callie Arcale]

"Stay, please stay, suffer some more, bleed some more, hurt some more, cry some more, just so I don't have to…."

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i've been looking at it recently too. it's interesting to see the other side but there's way too much.... "i feel anger towards them for leaving". who would want to stay here and suffer? you have the free will to follow them, y'know. never considering how the person felt that they needed to end it. it's all about how the poster feels.

there are some posts though i saw where the person was blaming themselves. those make me sad. a lot of "coulda, shoulda, wouldas" there. i want to tell OP it's not their fault and no matter what they did, that person was gonna ctb one way or another.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

i've been looking at it recently too. it's interesting to see the other side but there's way too much.... "i feel anger towards them for leaving". who would want to stay here and suffer? you have the free will to follow them, y'know. never considering how the person felt that they needed to end it. it's all about how the poster feels.

there are some posts though i saw where the person was blaming themselves. those make me sad. a lot of "coulda, shoulda, wouldas" there. i want to tell OP it's not their fault and no matter what they did, that person was gonna ctb one way or another.

I feel the same about those posts. I wouldn't want anyone to live with guilt and blame for a decision I made.

I didn't know of it but checked it out. I don't want to diminish the pain of these people. I get that dealing with loss of a close one and grief is difficult, but reading through all of those victim cards and unsympathetic blame put towards the ones who truly suffered here is angering. You are right that there's very little amount of understanding, awful to see. You have a strong stomach to read these.

Just a friendly reminder though, you don't have to care about, nor come to terms with anything someone might say after you CTB, you won't be here to experience it after all. Only you know what's the best for you, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for this decision.

You're right, I'm trying not to care what people may think or say, since I won't be affected after the fact, it's just unfair that people who have successfully CTB get so much anger and blame thrown their way. When they're just trying to escape pain.

But yeah I guess it won't matter anyway when you're gone

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Reddit, especially subs for partners/'family of' topics like these alongside mental health, is just one isolated display of people's feelings. It's also toxicity and contempt confined to one echochamber, with a pinch of pretention given that it's Reddit.

I understand that this might be a common thread of thought in real life as well, but I would not take this particular shithole of the internet too seriously. And if I feel like being a tad kinder, they've lost someone important to them and must find a way to cope with that. It's a shallow way to see things, but if blame and whining to others helps comfort them in some way, the loved one isn't around to be offended anyway.
It could also just be the stages of grief thing, but I forget if that even holds any water these days.

I think one's life is always their own, but there are circumstances that do make suicide selfish in my eyes, such as leaving behind dependents/children, even if they are grown.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

I heard about this subreddit before, but i never read it, after visiting it, reading some posts

This gives me a new perspective, imagining those people could be my childhood friends, family members who never really knew how miserable i am, it just hurts, but then again, i'm better off dead

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Reddit, especially subs for partners/'family of' topics like these alongside mental health, is just one isolated display of people's feelings. It's also toxicity and contempt confined to one echochamber, with a pinch of pretention given that it's Reddit.

I understand that this might be a common thread of thought in real life as well, but I would not take this particular shithole of the internet too seriously. And if I feel like being a tad kinder, they've lost someone important to them and must find a way to cope with that. It's a shallow way to see things, but if blame and whining to others helps comfort them in some way, the loved one isn't around to be offended anyway.
It could also just be the stages of grief thing, but I forget if that even holds any water these days.

I think one's life is always their own, but there are circumstances that do make suicide selfish in my eyes, such as leaving behind dependents/children, even if they are grown.

Thank you for your perspective, it's comforting. I'm definitely sympathetic to the fact that they've lost a loved one.

I agree CTBing when you have dependents is selfish, part of why I wish people would take procreating much more seriously than they do, but that's a whole different topic

I heard about this subreddit before, but i never read it, after visiting it, reading some posts

This gives me a new perspective, imagining those people could be my childhood friends, family members who never really knew how miserable i am, it just hurts, but then again, i'm better off dead

It does make me sad too, but the way I see it is they can't fix me or make life bearable for me, that's not their responsibility, so it's on me to do what's necessary to end my suffering

 

[astonishedturnip]

I have mixed feelings. On one hand, some people who want to CTB can be a bit cavalier with the presumption that NOBODY AT ALL will care if they die, even if they cite many loved ones in their life. As much as many try to deny it, suicide absolutely instigates a different and more intense reaction than someone dying of natural causes, an accident, etc. And if it helps someone who needs to read these posts and personally get encouragement that their deaths would not go ignored, then that's positive. Not everyone sincerely wishes to die, especially on Reddit where most SW posters are upset teens.

On the other hand it irks me that, as with all things, discourse has been monopolized by families and miscellaneous pro-life types to the point of coddling frankly. Other subs have tightened their belts on any kind of posts about suicidal thoughts and ideation for fear of not being "inclusive" or triggering people from SB to the detriment of those needing a space to discuss CTB without getting shoved toward the useless resource of hotlines, SuicideWatch or other vacuous web links. Hell, they will pend your post on GriefSupport if you mention even slight ideation or depression in case SBs have broken containment (even though they literally have THEIR OWN SUB) and see your post. Which has made that sub as useless and platitude-driven as SW.

Sorry to say but sometimes it just comes off as someone making a suicide about themselves. Which is a story that many of us here can relate to, unfortunately. I do feel for the parents and children, but not the "noooooo keep on suffering so I don't have to suffer" types.