Does anyone else miss the days when they thought their life would get better?

[Sweet Release]

Hi.
So I was wondering if anyone else here can relate.
Before my life fell apart their were some great and happy times.
But off course there were still dark and unhappy times before that, however what was different back then was that I believed my dark days would end and life would get better.
It was very hopeful thinking but thats what got me through the dark times.
For example when I was bullied at school I always cheered myself up by saying that at least school will be over in a few years and then I can grow into adulthood and things will be so much better.
If I knew my life would fail as an adult I wouldn't have bothered trying so hard to make my life work.
Anyway, thats just some of my experiences.
Can anybody else relate to this feeling?

 

[TrailerTrash]

Oh yeah ......

 

[Sweet Release]

Oh yeah ......

It hurts doesn't it.

 

[GIRL502Hopelessness]

since my childhood I did not fit I have always been a person who tried to be independent and that is why I got into trouble with my parents then as you say thinking that everything was going to improve more problems and I never understood why until today without looking for problems I always have in my house, I work friends, financials, I do badly and see how other people who are bad do well, injustices in short I feel that my life every day is in decline I feel that one day I will only say enough and I will end everything This, I just want to disappear and not know absolutely about anyone.

 

[TrailerTrash]

It hurts doesn't it.

It does ..... because I really gave life and people so many years of heartfelt energy and hope ..... I was beat up in kindergarten, 5th grade, 6th grade, gym clothes flushed in teams poop trying to fit in playing sports in junior high, car and motorcycle vandalized in high school, molested so many times as a kid, guy attempted to adult rape me later in life, shunned by workplace people I helped get their promotions, sabotaged as head of a company by person I promoted and now live in obscurity. I have never fit in or received a kind hand ..... I have nothing left.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yes! So much- I always had so much hope even in the darkest/ toughest of times- I kept ploughing on, always worked hard/ tried SO hard to make the life I wanted for myself. I used to take some good from all that had happened to me- I thought it had made me v.resilient & strong (obviously not) & that I had learnt to appreciate all the really small good things in life- now it feels like it has all been for nothing.

 

[Littleone]

It also happens when you are diagnosed with a terminal disease. Even if you still can live a few years you know your life has a expiration date and better times will never come. I experienced it in my family, and it's so hard.

 

[Sweet Release]

since my childhood I did not fit I have always been a person who tried to be independent and that is why I got into trouble with my parents then as you say thinking that everything was going to improve more problems and I never understood why until today without looking for problems I always have in my house, I work friends, financials, I do badly and see how other people who are bad do well, injustices in short I feel that my life every day is in decline I feel that one day I will only say enough and I will end everything This, I just want to disappear and not know absolutely about anyone.

Sounds like you have tried hard in life and had all the right intentions.
I am so sorry that things didn't work out for you and as you pointed out it seems to be bad people succeeding whilst people who are kind and hard working get a bad deal in life.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone with this.

 

[imstillhungry]

I never thought my life would get better, I always knew I was in for a lifetime of suffering. My childhood was hell and my adulthood has been the same. The only time in my life where I had the tiniest bit of hope that I could ever be happy was when I was with my ex, but he turned out to be an abuser too and crushed that hope real fast. Life has kicked me down from the start, and will continue to do so until the day I end it

 

[MeltingHeart]

It does ..... because I really gave life and people so many years of heartfelt energy and hope ..... I was beat up in kindergarten, 5th grade, 6th grade, gym clothes flushed in teams poop trying to fit in playing sports in junior high, car and motorcycle vandalized in high school, molested so many times as a kid, guy attempted to adult rape me later in life, shunned by workplace people I helped get their promotions, sabotaged as head of a company by person I promoted and now live in obscurity. I have never fit in or received a kind hand ..... I have nothing left.

I read somewhere (can't think where now) that it is often the good people that commit suicide - of course that is not always the case as I'm sure people that have done horrible things most certainly do (in prison for henious crimes etc) but I do think that it might likely be true for many- and that it is often caused by the treatment from other (cruel, heartless, selfish) people -especially those with no physical problems or mental health issues as such-why else would we have ended up feeling this way?!

 

[Sweet Release]

Yes! So much- I always had so much hope even in the darkest/ toughest of times- I keep ploughing on, always worked hard/ tried SO hard to make the life I wanted for myself. I used to take good from all that had happened to me- I thought it had made me v.resilient & strong (obviously not) & that I had learnt to appreciate all the really small good things in life- now it feels like it has all been for nothing.

To fight through the darkness only to be thrown back into darkness is one of the worst things that can happen to a person.
If anything I want you to know that you are not alone.

 

[MeltingHeart]

To fight through the darkness only to be thrown back into darkness is one of the worst things that can happen to a person.
If anything I want you to know that you are not alone.

Thank you- I really tried my best, I tried so so hard. I know this sounds dramatic & self pitying but I feel like I must have done something bad in a past life to deserve this (I don't really believe in reincarnation but just using it as an expression as to 'why has my life come to this?') but at the same time I read the news- I think about others, on paper it could be said that SO many people have endured worse than me & they don't want to kill themselves?! But then I just hate myself even more for feeling this way. Such is the legacy of never really being wanted & a profound feeling of the fact that I literally should never have existed in the first place. Thku for yr understanding.

 

[GIRL502Hopelessness]

[QUOTE = "MeltingHeart, publicación: 485816, miembro: 10448"]
Gracias. Realmente hice mi mejor esfuerzo, lo intenté muy duro. Sé que esto suena dramático y autocompasivo, pero siento que debí haber hecho algo malo en una vida pasada para merecer esto (realmente no creo en la reencarnación, sino solo en usarla como una expresión de 'por qué mi vida ha llegado a ¿Esto? ') pero al mismo tiempo que leo las noticias, en papel se podría decir que ¡¿Tantas personas han sufrido peor que yo y no quieren suicidarse ?! Pero luego me odio aún más por sentirme así. Tal es el legado de nunca ser realmente deseado y un profundo sentimiento del hecho de que literalmente nunca debería haber existido en primer lugar. Gracias por tu comprensión.
[/CITAR]

es la misma sensación :(

 

[Sweet Release]

I never thought my life would get better, I always knew I was in for a lifetime of suffering. My childhood was hell and my adulthood has been the same. The only time in my life where I had the tiniest bit of hope that I could ever be happy was when I was with my ex, but he turned out to be an abuser too and crushed that hope real fast. Life has kicked me down from the start, and will continue to do so until the day I end it

I am so sorry to hear what you have been through.

 

[Bruceleelives1969]

CTB gives me hope!

 

[Sweet Release]

It also happens when you are diagnosed with a terminal disease. Even if you still can live a few years you know your life has a expiration date and better times will never come. I experienced it in my family, and it's so hard.

Must have been a very painful experience.

CTB gives me hope!

Same here.

 

[Nem]

My life was good until I became involved wuth a sociopath gf, I should kill myself just on that principle alone. Fuck was I ever stupid as fuck
Peace/hugs

 

[Sweet Release]

My life was good until I became involved wuth a sociopath gf, I should kill myself just on that principle alone. Fuck was I ever stupid as fuck
Peace/hugs

I have made bad life decisions before too.
I have also felt stupid because of those mistakes.
It doesn't mean we're stupid it just means we are human.

 

[MeltingHeart]

[QUOTE = "MeltingHeart, publicación: 485816, miembro: 10448"]
Gracias. Realmente hice mi mejor esfuerzo, lo intenté muy duro. Sé que esto suena dramático y autocompasivo, pero siento que debí haber hecho algo malo en una vida pasada para merecer esto (realmente no creo en la reencarnación, sino solo en usarla como una expresión de 'por qué mi vida ha llegado a ¿Esto? ') pero al mismo tiempo que leo las noticias, en papel se podría decir que ¡¿Tantas personas han sufrido peor que yo y no quieren suicidarse ?! Pero luego me odio aún más por sentirme así. Tal es el legado de nunca ser realmente deseado y un profundo sentimiento del hecho de que literalmente nunca debería haber existido en primer lugar. Gracias por tu comprensión.
[/CITAR]

es la misma sensación :(

sorry - is this Spanish?

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Absolutely. I truly used to think life would get better. I tried and tried but it only got worse and worse. I miss my ignorant child mind the most because I was so oblivious to how cruel the word really is.

 

[Sweet Release]

Absolutely. I truly used to think life would get better. I tried and tried but it only got worse and worse. I miss my ignorant child mind the most because I was so oblivious to how cruel the word really is.

Oh my God I can relate to that so much.
Yeah there is something about the positivity of a youthful mind that is so beautiful yet at the same time so vulnerable.

 

[hobbydevil]

I remember the days when I thought my eating disorder would be the worst thing to happen to me. I was hopeful I would just recover eventually and then everything else would be great. So naive...

 

[Sweet Release]

I remember the days when I thought my eating disorder would be the worst thing to happen to me. I was hopeful I would just recover eventually and then everything else would be great. So naive...

...and then life played more cruel tricks on you just when you thought you had made it out of the bad times.
To have an eating disorder is bad enough but to then have to face further pain just sounds terrible.
Sorry to hear that you went through that.

 

[hobbydevil]

...and then life played more cruel tricks on you just when you thought you had made it out of the bad times.
To have an eating disorder is bad enough but to then have to face further pain just sounds terrible.
Sorry to hear that you went through that.

My eating disorder is the least of my problems these days... It's such a cruel irony... Now I got it under control, but my life and health is in shambles and there's no way back...

 

[Bluefish]

Yeah im losing hopes of staying sane. I had unadressed issues that just blew up. Im a huge mess at this point and so scared of what happens to me in the future. I dont see a way to go on the way i am. Wish i had some hope for the future, but its a black hole.

 

[Moonicide]

Both yes and no.
Lately I've been so fixated on death that I do not think about how I felt in the past, but more so in the present.
But I do remember the times where I had been young, hopeful, and excited for life. My eyes had that sparkle.
It's gone now though.

 

[Laststop]

"It was very hopeful thinking but thats what got me through the dark times.
For example when I was bullied at school I always cheered myself up by saying that at least school will be over in a few years and then I can grow into adulthood and things will be so much better."

This so much reminds me of a silly thing I once said to a teacher while in my last year of grade school. I was relating to her some of the crap I was getting from peers in my own class, and I said, "well, I can't wait until I get into Jr and Sr high." She asked me why. I told her I believed the students were going to be more mature there, and not as mean. She was honest, and let me know I was very much wrong about that. I mean, it didn't even occur to me that the students I'd be in those higher grades with are the same jerks I was with then. This goes together with your point about the times we believed things would get better. I certainly do not enjoy the blissful ignorance of that any more. But in addition to that, I also have had an unrealistic expectation (if that's the right word?) of how life should, or could, go. I watched a lot of TV and movies as a kid. And related to fictional life more than real. Now that's dispelled, given the very real things that have come to pass. All of which are only all too real, and can't be ignored. Something I did as much of in the past as I could to avoid reality.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Constantly. I have never been fond of hurting others, in any capacity. Still, sometimes things are much bigger\more to handle than we realize.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

My eating disorder is the least of my problems these days... It's such a cruel irony... Now I got it under control, but my life and health is in shambles and there's no way back...

Same

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Yup. That kind of thinking also got me through some dark times. Made me blissfully ignorant of the fact that in the end, I was my own biggest problem all along.