Discussion Does anyone else here NOT hate themselves/feel worthless?

[Promortalistic4Life]

Sry for the weird title but I know that a lot of suicidal folks are full of self-hate and feeling worthless so I was just curious wheter there are others here who, er, don't.
I used to feel like the biggest loser as a teen but those thoughts have thankfully completely vanished (a lotta reasons behind that. My perception of myself and others have changed, realizing that everyone is somehow a loser in certain aspects of life etc.). These days I'm feeling suicidal for totally different reasons. I only wonder what my reasons will be in the next few years if I manage to stick around for so long... proly ruminating over the collapse of our civilization into chaos and hoplessness xD

 

[signifying nothing]

I used to be very self deprecating and lacked a sense of self worth, but through time I have come to realise most of it was to offset all the 'success' and 'achievements' and so forth that I had, ie a way my mind tried to balance out how I (and how I felt others) thought about myself.

I have learnt to value the failure of the life I was leading, as it was a sham, built to the expectations of society and others, not on my own terms.

Edit: I still have a lot of existential anxiety though - fear of existing too much, for too long, and sometimes fear of existing at all (hence thoughts of suicide). Those can manifest as self hate, usually physically as self harm these days rather than as thoughts/feelings.

 

[moonchild]

I'm pretty much the same. Also used to feel like a big, awkward loser, but I feel like I've grown into a person that I'm comfortable with. I usually even think I'm better than most people, and it's probably easier for me to find faults in others than in myself. Not saying it doesn't happen though. I know I have issues and weaknesses that effect my life negatively, but I don't hate myself for it anymore. Like you said, everyone's a loser in some way, and that's fine. Now it's more that I hate society for not being accommodating, or other people for being judgemental or not being understanding.

 

[sezhian]

Interesting topic. I had none of those feelings till I met my wife, now my ex wife. Growing up, I had extremely judgemental and disapproving parents, and being a single child, the whole cross was mine to bear. However, as a way to compensate for that, I built up a lot of confidence and self esteem, excelled at studies, got my engineering and later MBA degrees from the most prestigious institutions in my country and had a relatively successful career. When I met my ex wife, I finally opened up and became vulnerable and that was my biggest irreversible mistake. I was taken apart, picked on for all of my inner fears and issues and systematically reduced to what I've become today. Now, I'm struggling to find something to feel good about myself, while still hearing shit about me from my ex because our divorce proceedings are still going on and we have communication channels still open. And that disconnect is what drove me to the idea of CTB.

 

[Hoarsewithnoname]

I don't think I'm worthless or a bad person. I've just never had a strong connection to life and now with my husband leaving me for another woman (as well as other stuff he'd been doing to me before that), I absolutely don't feel like I can be here anymore. But even with what he's done to me, I don't feel worthless. HE's the POS who is a terrible person, not me. But my faith in anything good in the world has been completely shattered along with my life, and I feel like I know myself well enough to know that I will never be able to get over what he did to me or find any measure of happiness again.

 

[Sensei]

I sometimes feel contempt for myself, but I don't hate myself. I try to not blame myself too much, but to see myself as a victium of unfortunate circumstances.

 

[LastFlowers]

I don't hate myself, as in my core being and personality/values/interests.
I hate my appearance but it's not like I chose to look like this so I hardly think of it as truly "me". And I hate what I've been reduced to, the death of who and what I could have become, I hate my circumstances and many other things and people. But no, when it comes down to it, I do not hate myself. And I am offended when people jump to that conclusion or act like it's some type of blasphemy. Which by the way, I think it's fine if people actually hate themselves, or parts of themselves, it can mean that they will change and become something they actually like, something that is closer to who they would like to be..which in the end, IS who we are.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i don't really hate myself but my life is gone and i feel a constant emptiness/indifference towards life. sometimes i do feel guilt over things i have done

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I don't hate myself, but I do feel like I'm a failure for backing myself into the corner I find myself in. However, I think I understand why it happened and I try to give myself a break for it.

 

[IWantToSleep]

No, I still feel worthless.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

Yes, I don't hate myself and feel worthless. Can't relate to what you see alot in the media about suicidal people and depression. Maybe it's a sign of misdiagnosis and how unevolved the mental health system is.

 

[FuneralCry]

My hate is not directed towards myself, but rather life in general. The fact that I was born in the first place is the cause of all my suffering. I see myself as deserving better than this life.

 

[stygal]

I don't really hate myself (anymore)

The last time (years ago) I got rejected when I went on a date actually helped me with that -
At that point I thought to myself:
this person doesn't like me enough to get romantically involved for reasons I can simply not change (looks - maybe lose a couple kgs but only a small amount, face will always look the same), being socially weird (I simply can not change that), not being into social media/traveling (it's not my thing), never liked being too close to somebody, not being quirky/spontaneous/extroverted

And since I can not change those things -
I suddenly freed myself of feeling (too) insecure about them.
If you don't like me? Whatever - that's me!

Only thing I truly hate/cry about and am suicidal about (when it comes to myself): my physical health

 

[agate]

I've always felt worthless. Especially when not doing anything useful such as schooling/work.
I thought that earning a masters degree in a stem field would make me feel oke enough to feel worthy of breathing the same air as others around me , but nope.
I've accepted that now and I'm doing nothing anyway as working hard has made zero difference in my worthiness.
This was one of the few messages growing up .

and feelings of guilt, sadbadpshychogirl mentioned that. I always feel guilty for things I have no control over and are not my fault, which makes me feel even more worthless than I already do. Life is just useless. I'm sick of people and society and want to live with my loved ones on another planet, then I wouldn't need to ctb actually .

 

[motel rooms]

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I've had a lot of problems with self image because I've absorbed the opinions of shitty people like a sponge. If I sit back and reflect objectively, I'm actually a person I would like to have as a friend. I have a lot of positive qualities so I can't hate myself on the strength of that.

My battle is maintaining my self belief when I'm friendless and in a sea of people tearing strips off me.

 

[netrezven]

I don't feel or consider myself worthless. Wanting to die started maily with brain chemicals disfunction and some betrayels at it's epicentre. But for me having a point when i was ready give up life, made me realise, that there is alot more to risk and alot more to be acomplished. And if i have to pay with my life for that, it's gonna be a pretty good damn deal.

 

[Shadowplay]

Not quite, but my damaged parts outweigh my functioning parts and it sure as fcku ain't even close.