Venting Anyone else here wasted their teens?

[DesperateOne]

Highly doubt this, but did anyone else here waste their teen years in isolation and without any friends? Been rotting in my room and being terminally online for pretty much majority of my young teenage lifespan. The warm light of a screen was practically my view into the world and where I "grew up", or should I say dissociated... Feels like living this type of a lifestyle for more than a decade has completely detached me from reality/culture and burnt my brain to a crisp.

The early young years were supposed to be the times where one creates at least somewhat of a strong identity/personality, make a ton of memories, go through a bunch of new experiences, learn a lot in school and overall just prepare for adulthood. Now I'm sitting here as a 23 year old friendless virgin loser, without any solid experiences that I can look back on and a completely shattered identity.

I've recently gotten some energy back to do stuff, but then the realizations start hitting me and it feels like it is so so over. People are LIGHT YEARS ahead in every social, academic and career aspect, so I can't really connect with anyone because we are not on the same level at all. With a bunch of effort I can make small talk or even acquaintances, but as soon as things get deep I have nothing to show/say and they very quickly see me for what I am.

Folks are getting married, are travelling the world, building solid careers or starting companies, meanwhile I'm here still mentally stuck in in my early teens where it all began. I always thought that the way I was living was okay, but now the decade of social isolation/detachment from the real world is bound to catch up to me very severely. Overall, I'm objectively just a useless messed up mentally ill person at a root level, that got fucked by bad parenting and mental illness. Man... ever since I was born, I feel like there was always just something fundamentally wrong... Parents also didn't give that much of a fuck to pull me out when I started to drown in severe isolation and screen addiction at 10.

I should just take myself out, would be doing the world and myself a favor. Maybe save some tax dollars and oxygen for others.

 

[Neowise]

I did. Due to emotional abuse from my narcisisstic mother I had no self esteem and was bullied by a lot of people so I avoided social situations, just had a hand full of friends and was weird and unable to make new friends. I moved out of my parent's place a year ago and started working (I'm 28 now) and it feels like I jumped from childhood right into adulthood. But there is still hope for you: I got into my first relationship at the age of 25 lol.
I never did stupid things you can later in life laugh about, never established a personality or a style (clothing etc.), never had my first vacation with friends but without parents, no first dating / sexual experiences, never established what I want from my later life (family or career etc.).

 

[Doombox]

Yes, my teenage years were a waste for a number of reasons. I never did anything normal like date or go to dances. However I went on to also waste my 20's, and you are in a position to avoid that, even if you are late to the game. Comparing yourself to others is a waste of that energy you're feeling.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Wasted my teens, wasted my 20s as well. It's a painful realisation, that you wasted the best years of your life.

 

[sserafim]

I feel like I've wasted my time after graduating college. My classmates are either in graduate/medical/law/business school or advancing in their careers, and I'm just a hiki (self-imposed because I realized that I enjoy being alone and not having to mask all the time). I don't want anything out of life though, so I don't really mind, but my parents constantly remind me about the fact that I'm a failure. They think that I'm a failed investment and that I haven't made the best out of the opportunities given to me. They also think that I've wasted my true potential. They want me to reach it, but I don't want to. I just don't see the point in it.

 

[roku6]

Even though I feel like those years were wasted I cannot imagine myself doing differently. I was also constantly stressed about hellish family situation which did not help me either. At that time I did whatever gave me comfort and joy naturally.
I never felt comfortable in those "normal" situations, they were tiring and bothersome. I was trying to act normal to some extent and I was given plenty of chances, but that did not change the nature of myself.
At best anxiety left after a while, but I quickly got bored of things like sport activities or group events. After a while I gave up on chasing these "normal" things and went after the ones which held my attention like games, books, anime etc. My only luck was that I could find some drive in my job and that held me for some time though I got burnout after a few years taking away the only "normal" thing from me.

 

[Linda]

An uncle of mine, long since dead, was bedridden for 6 years, owing to tuberculosis, from age 18 to 24. Those are prime dating years, and not a good time to be out of circulation. The whole thing certainly affected his life quite badly, but once he was well again he managed to get his life more-or-less back on track. He had a good career, and some fairly long-lasting relationships, though he never married. Although you have certainly experienced a setback, you can probably recover from it.

 

[Hahem]

Highly doubt this, but did anyone else here waste their teen years in isolation and without any friends? Been rotting in my room and being terminally online for pretty much majority of my young teenage lifespan. The warm light of a screen was practically my view into the world and where I "grew up", or should I say dissociated... Feels like living this type of a lifestyle for more than a decade has completely detached me from reality/culture and burnt my brain to a crisp.

The early young years were supposed to be the times where one creates at least somewhat of a strong identity/personality, make a ton of memories, go through a bunch of new experiences, learn a lot in school and overall just prepare for adulthood. Now I'm sitting here as a 23 year old friendless virgin loser, without any solid experiences that I can look back on and a completely shattered identity.

I've recently gotten some energy back to do stuff, but then the realizations start hitting me and it feels like it is so so over. People are LIGHT YEARS ahead in every social, academic and career aspect, so I can't really connect with anyone because we are not on the same level at all. With a bunch of effort I can make small talk or even acquaintances, but as soon as things get deep I have nothing to show/say and they very quickly see me for what I am.

Folks are getting married, are travelling the world, building solid careers or starting companies, meanwhile I'm here still mentally stuck in in my early teens where it all began. I always thought that the way I was living was okay, but now the decade of social isolation/detachment from the real world is bound to catch up to me very severely. Overall, I'm objectively just a useless messed up mentally ill person at a root level, that got fucked by bad parenting and mental illness. Man... ever since I was born, I feel like there was always just something fundamentally wrong... Parents also didn't give that much of a fuck to pull me out when I started to drown in severe isolation and screen addiction at 10.

I should just take myself out, would be doing the world and myself a favor. Maybe save some tax dollars and oxygen for others.

I relate to everything you said, just letting you know

 

[turbomightbegone]

it was not only my teens, but my childhood aswell,, due to family drama I ended up being raised by the internet.

I remember watching those shitty edgy mspaint slideshow "animations" all the time,, I remember always listening to music in the car and imagining stories. I remember always being glued to a screen,, i remember it was my only comfort. I never got to be normal or do normal things. I never was social with anyone, I never played with kids my age, every childhood memory consisted of me and myself, the only somewhat good childhood memory I have that didn't involve the internet was me being outside my apartment on my bike, waiting for my mother to finally let me in.

even now I feel like I'm still wasting my life, glued onto my bed while my eyes glide over a bright screen. everything nowadays revolves around a screen. it's like you can't live without a warm light radiating into your eyes. it fucking sucks that I wasn't social back when I had the chance, and now I probably never will. and yet at the end of the day I only have myself to blame. because I didn't take the opportunity to take one step out of my comfort zone and actually interact with other people. now ill probably be like this forever. and it'll probably never change.

 

[F@#$]

I've wasted my entire life.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's a shame that many here will never know life before the internet. It was really something else.

This is how we found books on the shelf at the library:

A library is a building that had every book you could possibly imagine in it. A book is a bunch of paper bound together with words on it. Just like the words on your computer screen.

 

[Nofuture1234]

I wasted them alone doing drugs due to extreme social anxiety but honestly, even if I had really tried and been the best person I could be I would've still been lonely because I'm too ugly, short and autistic for anyone to ever be genuinely respect or be attracted to me. So it doesn't really matter. I was always going to be alone and always will be. I still think I spent them better than I spend my time now. Back when I was naive enough to still have hope I was able to get a lot more done. Now the bitterness and anger and jealousy and loneliness all make everything pointless. I can't make myself work on any kind of project anymore.

 

[bambibambam]

hello, i wasted my teen years. i've dealt with bullying all my life but once i entered middle school it got worse. the bullying was so bad that i'd voluntarily walk out of the school building whenever I got too emotional, this eventually became a habit and i did it every time i was picked on, and then i just completely stopped going and dropped out at 9th grade. i hated myself so much… i thought my physical appearance was repulsing to look at. (i was an overweight girl) so i'd stay inside and became a hermit. i never left my house, i never made friends and would spend most of my days online trying to find online friends. this has been my life ever since i stopped going to school… i'm surprised my mother hasn't gotten rid of me yet, she pity's me because i failed as a student and a daughter. i'm 20 now and don't really see a future for myself, so i am just passing time on here until i ctb.

 

[52yoandmiserable]

Yep, my teens, my 20s, my 30s, my 40s...
It's all been a waste.
A waste of time, energy, money, space, oxygen...
I haven't wanted to be here for as long as I can remember

 

[DesperateOne]

Damn... lots of similar stories. Thanks for sharing, I love y'all.

 

[TimeTrigger48]

Teens, 20s, 30s so far have all been a waste. I absolutely refuse to waste my 40s - I'll be gone before I get the chance.

 

[HamzaSuicide]

I wasted them alone doing drugs due to extreme social anxiety but honestly, even if I had really tried and been the best person I could be I would've still been lonely because I'm too ugly, short and autistic for anyone to ever be genuinely respect or be attracted to me. So it doesn't really matter. I was always going to be alone and always will be. I still think I spent them better than I spend my time now. Back when I was naive enough to still have hope I was able to get a lot more done. Now the bitterness and anger and jealousy and loneliness all make everything pointless. I can't make myself work on any kind of project anymore.

man... if this aint literally me

 

[ForgottenTomb]

I wasted them alone doing drugs due to extreme social anxiety but honestly, even if I had really tried and been the best person I could be I would've still been lonely because I'm too ugly, short and autistic for anyone to ever be genuinely respect or be attracted to me. So it doesn't really matter. I was always going to be alone and always will be. I still think I spent them better than I spend my time now. Back when I was naive enough to still have hope I was able to get a lot more done. Now the bitterness and anger and jealousy and loneliness all make everything pointless. I can't make myself work on any kind of project anymore.

When I was a teenager, I was a very short and childlike, awkward and weird-looking kid and that didn't stop me from having deep connections IRL. It will surprise you how many people will admire you despite your flaws, but you won't know unless you put yourself out there! I have seen a lot of people online shoot themselves in the foot when it comes to social interactions because they have decided they are hopeless before they even try. You are not unworthy of being loved.

 

[Anxi0usandDepressed]

Highly doubt this, but did anyone else here waste their teen years in isolation and without any friends? Been rotting in my room and being terminally online for pretty much majority of my young teenage lifespan. The warm light of a screen was practically my view into the world and where I "grew up", or should I say dissociated... Feels like living this type of a lifestyle for more than a decade has completely detached me from reality/culture and burnt my brain to a crisp.

The early young years were supposed to be the times where one creates at least somewhat of a strong identity/personality, make a ton of memories, go through a bunch of new experiences, learn a lot in school and overall just prepare for adulthood. Now I'm sitting here as a 23 year old friendless virgin loser, without any solid experiences that I can look back on and a completely shattered identity.

I've recently gotten some energy back to do stuff, but then the realizations start hitting me and it feels like it is so so over. People are LIGHT YEARS ahead in every social, academic and career aspect, so I can't really connect with anyone because we are not on the same level at all. With a bunch of effort I can make small talk or even acquaintances, but as soon as things get deep I have nothing to show/say and they very quickly see me for what I am.

Folks are getting married, are travelling the world, building solid careers or starting companies, meanwhile I'm here still mentally stuck in in my early teens where it all began. I always thought that the way I was living was okay, but now the decade of social isolation/detachment from the real world is bound to catch up to me very severely. Overall, I'm objectively just a useless messed up mentally ill person at a root level, that got fucked by bad parenting and mental illness. Man... ever since I was born, I feel like there was always just something fundamentally wrong... Parents also didn't give that much of a fuck to pull me out when I started to drown in severe isolation and screen addiction at 10.

I should just take myself out, would be doing the world and myself a favor. Maybe save some tax dollars and oxygen for others.

Yep! In exactly the way you put it as well, rotting away in my room and being terminally online, only really going outside in order to go to school. I'm 19 turning 20 this year now, and when I look around me, all I want to do is die/cease to exist. I see all these people my age out living life, having fun and being productive, all light years ahead of me in experience, and I feel absolutely miserable. I feel I'm getting to the point where I can't relate to anyone my age too, I'm just that far behind. It's incredibly awful, lonely and alienating feeling this way, and you're not alone.

 

[tbroken]

Highly doubt this, but did anyone else here waste their teen years in isolation and without any friends? Been rotting in my room and being terminally online for pretty much majority of my young teenage lifespan. The warm light of a screen was practically my view into the world and where I "grew up", or should I say dissociated... Feels like living this type of a lifestyle for more than a decade has completely detached me from reality/culture and burnt my brain to a crisp.

The early young years were supposed to be the times where one creates at least somewhat of a strong identity/personality, make a ton of memories, go through a bunch of new experiences, learn a lot in school and overall just prepare for adulthood. Now I'm sitting here as a 23 year old friendless virgin loser, without any solid experiences that I can look back on and a completely shattered identity.

I've recently gotten some energy back to do stuff, but then the realizations start hitting me and it feels like it is so so over. People are LIGHT YEARS ahead in every social, academic and career aspect, so I can't really connect with anyone because we are not on the same level at all. With a bunch of effort I can make small talk or even acquaintances, but as soon as things get deep I have nothing to show/say and they very quickly see me for what I am.

Folks are getting married, are travelling the world, building solid careers or starting companies, meanwhile I'm here still mentally stuck in in my early teens where it all began. I always thought that the way I was living was okay, but now the decade of social isolation/detachment from the real world is bound to catch up to me very severely. Overall, I'm objectively just a useless messed up mentally ill person at a root level, that got fucked by bad parenting and mental illness. Man... ever since I was born, I feel like there was always just something fundamentally wrong... Parents also didn't give that much of a fuck to pull me out when I started to drown in severe isolation and screen addiction at 10.

I should just take myself out, would be doing the world and myself a favor. Maybe save some tax dollars and oxygen for others.

I did, and i even remember when it all started: I was 16 when depression started to catch me, i let a stupid minor health problem to lead my head to think that i was imperfect and my value was not that high and so on and that was useless to do anything, especially because i come from a stupid city. I didn't want to talk to anyone about my needs, so no one was capable of helping me. Only later, during 20s, i discovered that i could still be somebody and be useful somehow, but it was to late and i made a lot of mistakes, but i used to have a lot of friends before and somehow they loved me. Unfortunately depression makes you see only the bad things, and they impact on your heart more than everything, and you are fucking stuck in your disruptive thoughts. Plus my parents were good enough to give me all i needed in my life, but the minor healt problem and depression destroyed it all. I really hate how i destroyed everything and how i made them suffer. That's why i want to die.

The worst part is that all people around me and my friends still don't know what happened to me, what i went through, and they think i wasted my life because i'm an asshole. It really hurts, more than you can imagine, i'm not living the life or whichever shit i'm living it's just not me, it's not me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yeah, my entire teens were wasted. Actually, no, my entire life was wasted. Though, since we're talking about teen life here, my teens were wasted as I didn't enjoy any of it. I wasn't like any human at all. I didn't use any social media back then and I also never talked to anybody aside from family during my teen years. I never once talked to anybody in school or college. Now that I'm at university, the same thing is happening again with the exception of forced group work

Oh, also, I didn't really enjoy anything back then and I still don't now